rice, which I preserved with the same care; and whose use was of the
same kind, or to the same purpose, viz. to make me bread, or rather
food; for I found ways to cook it up without baking, though I did that
also after some time.--But to return to my Journal.
I worked excessively hard these three or four months, to get my wall
done; and the 14th of April I closed it up; contriving to get into it,
not by a door, but over the wall, by a ladder, that there might be no
sign on the outside of my habitation.
_April 16._ I finished the ladder; so I went up with the ladder to the
top, and then pulled it up after me, and let it down in the inside: this
was a complete enclosure to me; for within I had room enough, and
nothing could come at me from without, unless it could first mount
my wall.
The very next day after this wall was finished, I had almost all my
labour overthrown at once, and myself killed; the case was thus:--As I
was busy in the inside of it, behind my tent, just at the entrance into
my cave, I was terribly frightened with a most dreadful surprising thing
indeed; for, all on a sudden, I found the earth come crumbling down from
the roof of my cave, and from the edge of the hill over my head, and two
of the posts I had set up in the cave cracked in a frightful manner. I
was heartily scared; but thought nothing of what really was the cause,
only thinking that the top of my cave was falling in, as some of it had
done before: and for fear I should be buried in it, I ran forward to my
ladder, and not thinking myself safe there neither, I got over my wall
for fear of the pieces of the hill which I expected might roll down upon
me. I had no sooner stepped down upon the firm ground, than I plainly
saw it was a terrible earthquake; for the ground I stood on shook three
times at about eight minutes distance, with three such shocks as would
have overturned the strongest building that could be supposed to have
stood on the earth; and a great piece of the top of a rock, which stood
about half a mile from me, next the sea, fell down, with such a terrible
noise as I never heard in all my life. I perceived also that the very
sea was put into a violent motion by it; and I believe the shocks were
stronger under the water than on the island.
I was so much amazed with the thing itself (having never felt the like,
nor discoursed with any one that had) that I was like one dead or
stupified; and the motion of the earth made my stomach sick, like one
that was tossed at sea: but the noise of the falling of the rock awaked
me, as it were; and rousing me from the stupified condition I was in,
filled me with horror, and I thought of nothing but the hill falling
upon my tent and my household goods, and burying all at once; this sunk
my very soul within me a second time.
After the third shock was over, and I felt no more for some time, I
began to take courage; yet I had not heart enough to go over my wall
again, for fear of being buried alive, but sat still upon the ground
greatly cast down, and disconsolate, not knowing what to do. All this
while, I had not the least serious religious thought; nothing but the
common _Lord, have mercy upon me!_ and when it was over, that went
away too.
While I sat thus, I found the air overcast, and grow cloudy, as if it
would rain; and soon after the wind rose by little, and little, so that
in less than half an hour it blew a most dreadful hurricane: the sea
was, all on a sudden, covered with foam and froth; the shore was covered
with a breach of the water; the trees were torn up by the roots; and a
terrible storm it was. This held about three hours, and then began to
abate; and in two hours more it was quite calm, and began to rain very
hard. All this while I sat upon the ground, very much terrified and
dejected; when on a sudden it came into my thoughts, that these winds
and rain being the consequence of the earthquake, the earthquake itself
was spent and over, and I might venture into my cave again. With this
thought my spirits began to revive; and the rain also helping to
persuade me, I went in, and sat down in my tent; but the rain was so
violent, that my tent was ready to be beaten down with it; and I was
forced to get into my cave, though very much afraid and uneasy, for fear
it should fall on my head. This violent rain forced me to a new work,
viz. to cut a hole through my new fortification, like a sink, to let the
water go out, which would else have drowned my cave. After I had been in
my cave for some time, and found no more shocks of the earthquake
follow, I began to be more composed. And now to support my spirits,
which indeed wanted it very much, I went to my little store, and took a
small sup of rum; which, however, I did then, and always, very
sparingly, knowing I could have no more when that was gone. It continued
raining all that night, and great part of the next day, so that I could
not stir abroad; but my mind being more composed, I began to think of
what I had best do; concluding, that if the island was subject to these
earthquakes, there would be no living for me in a cave, but I must
consider of building me some little hut in an open place, which I might
surround with a wall, as I had done here, and so make myself secure from
wild beasts or men; for if I staid where I was, I should certainly, one
time or other, be buried alive.
With these thoughts, I resolved to remove my tent from the place where
it now stood, being just under the hanging precipice of the hill, and
which, if it should be shaken again, would certainly fall upon my tent.
I spent the two next days, being the 19th and 20th of April, in
contriving where and how to remove my habitation. The fear of being
swallowed alive affected me so, that I never slept in quiet; and yet the
apprehension of lying abroad, without any fence, was almost equal to it:
but still, when I looked about, and saw how every thing was put in
order, how pleasantly I was concealed, and how safe from danger, it made
me very loth to remove. In the mean time, it occurred to me that it
would require a vast deal of time for me to do this; and that I must be
contented to run the risk where I was, till I had formed a convenient
camp, and secured it so as to remove to it. With this conclusion I
composed myself for a time; and resolved that I would go to work with
all speed to build me a wall with piles and cables, &c. in a circle as
before, and set up my tent in it when it was finished; but that I would
venture to stay where I was till it was ready, and fit to remove to.
This was the 21st.
_April_ 22. The next morning I began to consider of means to put this
measure into execution; but I was at a great loss about the tools. I had
three large axes, and abundance of hatchets (for we carried the hatchets
for traffic with the Indians;) but with much chopping and cutting knotty
hard wood, they were all full of notches, and dull; and though I had a
grind-stone, I could not turn it and grind my tools too. This caused me
as much thought as a statesman would have bestowed upon a grand point
of politics, or a judge upon the life and death of a man. At length I
contrived a wheel with a string, to turn it with my foot, that I might
have both my hands at liberty.
_Note._ I had never seen any such thing in England, or at least not to
take notice how it was done, though since I have observed it is very
common there: besides that, my grind-stone was very large and heavy.
This machine cost me a full week's work to bring it to perfection.
_April 28, 29._ These two whole days I took up in grinding my tools, my
machine for turning my grind-stone performing very well.
_April 30._ Having perceived that my bread had been low a great while, I
now took a survey of it, and reduced myself to one biscuit-cake a day,
which made my heart very heavy.
_May 1._ In the morning, looking toward the sea-side, the tide being
low, I saw something lie on the shore bigger than ordinary, and it
looked like a cask: when I came to it, I found a small barrel, and two
or three pieces of the wreck of the ship, which were driven on shore by
the late hurricane; and looking towards the wreck itself, I thought it
seemed to lie higher out of the water than it used to do. I examined the
barrel that was driven on shore, and soon found it was a barrel of
gunpowder; but it had taken water, and the powder was caked as hard as a
stone: however, I rolled it farther on the shore for the present, and
went on upon the sands, as near as I could to the wreck of the ship, to
look for more.
When I came down to the ship, I found it strangely removed. The
forecastle, which lay before buried in sand, was heaved up at least six
feet: and the stern (which was broke to pieces, and parted from the
rest, by the force of the sea, soon after I had left rummaging of her)
was tossed, as it were, up, and cast on one side: and the sand was
thrown so high on that side next her stern, that I could now walk quite
up to her when the tide was out; whereas there was a great piece of
water before, so that I could not come within a quarter of a mile of the
wreck without swimming. I was surprised with this at first, but soon
concluded it must be done by the earthquake; and as by this violence the
ship was more broke open than formerly, so many things came daily on
shore, which the sea had loosened, and which the winds and water rolled
by degrees to the land.
This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design of removing my
habitation; and I busied myself mightily, that day especially, in
searching whether I could make any way into the ship: but I found
nothing was to be expected of that kind, for all the inside of the ship
was choked up with sand. However, as I had learned not to despair of any
thing, I resolved to pull every thing to pieces that I could of the
ship, concluding that every thing I could get from her would be of some
use or other to me.
_May 3._ I began with my saw, and cut a piece of a beam through, which I
thought held some of the upper part or quarter deck together; and when I
had cut it through, I cleared away the sand as well as I could from the
side which lay highest; but the tide coming in, I was obliged to give
over for that time.
_May 4._ I went a-fishing, but caught not one fish that I durst eat of,
till I was weary of my sport; when, just going to leave off, I caught a
young dolphin. I had made me a long line of some rope-yarn, but I had no
hooks; yet I frequently caught fish enough, as much as I cared to eat;
all which I dried in the sun, and ate them dry.
_May 5._ Worked on the wreck; cut another beam asunder, and brought
three great fir-planks off from the decks; which I tied together, and
made swim on shore when the tide of flood came on.
_May 6._ Worked on the wreck; got several iron bolts out of her, and
other pieces of iron-work; worked very hard, and came home very much
tired, and had thoughts of giving it over.
_May 7._ Went to the wreck again, but not with an intent to work; but
found the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the beams being
cut; that several pieces of the ship seemed to lie loose; and the inside
of the hold lay so open that I could see into it; but almost full of
water and sand.
_May 8._ Went to the wreck, and carried an iron crow to wrench up the
deck, which lay now quite clear of the water and sand. I wrenched up two
planks, and brought them on shore also with the tide. I left the iron
crow in the wreck for next day.
_May 9._ Went to the wreck, and with the crow made way into the body of
the wreck, and felt several casks, and loosened them with the crow, but
could not break them up. I felt also a roll of English lead, and could
stir it; but it was too heavy to remove.
_May 10--14._ Went every day to the wreck; and got a great many pieces
of timber, and boards, or plank, and two or three hundred weight
of iron.
_May 15._ I carried two hatchets, to try if I could not cut a piece off
the roll of lead, by placing the edge of one hatchet, and driving it
with the other; but as it lay about a foot and a half in the water, I
could not make any blow to drive the hatchet.
_May 16._ It had blown hard in the night, and the wreck appeared more
broken by the force of the water; but I staid so long in the woods, to
get pigeons for food, that the tide prevented my going to the wreck
that day.
_May 17._ I saw some pieces of the wreck blown on shore, at a great
distance, two miles off me, but resolved to see what they were, and
found it was a piece of the head, but too heavy for me to bring away.
_May 24._ Every day, to this day, I worked on the wreck; and with hard
labour I loosened some things so much with the crow, that the first
blowing tide several casks floated out, and two of the seamen's chests:
but the wind blowing from the shore, nothing came to land that day but
pieces of timber, and a hogshead, which had some Brazil pork in it; but
the salt-water and the sand had spoiled it. I continued this work every
day to the 15th of June, except the time necessary to get food; which I
always appointed, during this part of my employment, to be when the tide
was up, that I might be ready when it was ebbed out: and by this time I
had gotten timber, and plank, and iron-work, enough to have built a
good boat, if I had known how: and I also got, at several times, and in
several pieces, near one hundred weight of the sheet-lead.
_June 16._ Going down to the sea-side, I found a large tortoise, or
turtle. This was the first I had seen; which, it seems, was only my
misfortune, not any defect of the place, or scarcity: for had I happened
to be on the other side of the island, I might have had hundreds of them
every day, as I found afterwards; but perhaps had paid dear enough
for them.
_June 17._ I spent in cooking the turtle. I found in her threescore
eggs: and her flesh was to me, at that time, the most savoury and
pleasant that I ever tasted in my life; having had no flesh, but of
goats and fowls, since I landed in this horrid place.
_June 18._ Rained all that day, and I staid within. I thought, at this
time, the rain felt cold, and I was somewhat chilly; which I knew was
not usual in that latitude.
_June 19._ Very ill, and shivering, as if the weather had been cold.
_June 20._ No rest all night; violent pains in my head, and feverish.
_June 21._ Very ill; frightened almost to death with the apprehensions
of my sad condition, to be sick, and no help: prayed to God, for the
first time since the storm off Hull; but scarce knew what I said, or
why, my thoughts being all confused.
_June 22._ A little better; but under dreadful apprehensions of
sickness.
_June 23._ Very bad again; cold and shivering, and then a violent
head-ache.
_June 24._ Much better.
_June 25._ An ague very violent: the fit held me seven hours; cold fit,
and hot, with faint sweats after it.
_June 26._ Better; and having no victuals to eat, took my gun, but found
myself very weak: however, I killed a she-goat, and with much difficulty
got it home, and broiled some of it, and ate. I would fain have stewed
it, and made some broth, but had no pot.
_June 27._ The ague again so violent that I lay a-bed all day, and
neither ate nor drank. I was ready to perish for thirst; but so weak, I
had not strength to stand up, or to get myself any water to drink.
Prayed to God again, but was light-headed: and when I was not, I was so
ignorant that I knew not what to say; only lay and cried, "Lord, look
upon me! Lord, pity me! Lord, have mercy upon me!" I suppose I did
nothing else for two or three hours; till the fit wearing off, I fell
asleep, and did not wake till far in the night. When I awoke, I found
myself much refreshed, but weak, and exceeding thirsty: however, as I
had no water in my whole habitation, I was forced to lie till morning,
and went to sleep again. In this second sleep I had this terrible dream:
I thought that I was sitting on the ground, on the outside of my wall,
where I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw a
man descend from a great black cloud, in a bright flame of fire, and
light upon the ground: he was all over as bright as a flame, so that I
could but just bear to look towards him: his countenance was most
inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe: when he
stepped upon the ground with his feet, I thought the earth trembled,
just as it had done before in the earthquake; and all the air looked, to
my apprehension, as if it had been filled with flashes of fire. He had
no sooner landed upon the earth, but he moved forward towards me, with a
long spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me; and when he came to a
rising ground, at some distance, he spoke to me, or I heard a voice so
terrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it: all that I
can say I understood, was this: "Seeing all these things have not
brought thee to repentance, now thou shalt die;" at which words I
thought he lifted up the spear that was in his hand, to kill me.
No one that shall ever read this account, will expect that I should be
able to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision; I mean,
that even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of those horrors; nor is
it any more possible to describe the impression that remained upon my
mind when I awaked, and found it was but a dream.
I had, alas! no divine knowledge: what I had received by the good
instruction of my father was then worn out, by an uninterrupted series,
for eight years, of seafaring wickedness, and a constant conversation
with none but such as were, like myself, wicked and profane to the last
degree. I do not remember that I had, in all that time, one thought that
so much as tended either to looking upward towards God, or inward
towards a reflection upon my own ways: but a certain stupidity of soul,
without desire of good, or consciousness of evil, had entirely
overwhelmed me; and I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked
creature among our common sailors, can be supposed to be; not having
the least sense, either of the fear of God, in danger, or of
thankfulness to him, in deliverances.
In the relating what is already past of my story, this will be the more
easily believed, when I shall add, that through all the variety of
miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had so much as one
thought of its being the hand of God, or that it was a just punishment
for my sin; either my rebellious behaviour against my father, or my
present sins, which were great; or even as a punishment for the general
course of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate expedition on the
desert shores of Africa, I never had so much as one thought of what
would become of me; or one wish to God to direct me whither I should go,
or to keep me from the danger which apparently surrounded me, as well
from voracious creatures as cruel savages: but I was quite thoughtless
of a God or a Providence; acted like a mere brute, from the principles
of nature, and by the dictates of common sense only; and indeed hardly
that. When I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portuguese
captain, well used, and dealt with justly and honourably, as well as
charitably, I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When,
again, I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning, on this
island, I was as far from remorse, or looking on it as a judgment: I
only said to myself often, that I was an unfortunate dog, and born to be
always miserable.
It is true, when I first got on shore here, and found all my ship's crew
drowned, and myself spared, I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy, and
some transports of soul, which, had the grace of God assisted, might
have come up to true thankfulness; but it ended where it began, in a
mere common flight of joy; or, as I may say, being glad I was alive,
without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of the hand
which had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved when all
the rest were destroyed, or an inquiry why Providence had been thus
merciful to me: just the same common sort of joy which seamen generally
have, after they are got safe ashore from a shipwreck; which they drown
all in the next bowl of punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over:
and all the rest of my life was like it. Even when I was, afterwards, on
due consideration, made sensible of my condition,--how I was cast on
this dreadful place, out of the reach of human kind, out of all hope of
relief, or prospect of redemption,--as soon as I saw but a prospect of
living, and that I should not starve and perish for hunger, all the
sense of my affliction wore off, and I began to be very easy, applied
myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was far
enough from being afflicted at my condition, as a judgment from Heaven,
or as the hand of God against me: these were thoughts which very seldom
entered into my head.
The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had, at first,
some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness,
as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it; but as soon as
that part of the thought was removed, all the impression which was
raised from it wore off also, as I have noted already. Even the
earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or
more immediately directing to the invisible Power which alone directs
such things, yet no sooner was the fright over, but the impression it
had made went off also. I had no more sense of God, or his judgments,
much less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from his
hand, than if I had been in the most prosperous condition of life. But
now, when I began to be sick, and a leisure view of the miseries of
death came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to sink
under the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with
the violence of the fever; conscience, that had slept so long, began to
awake; and I reproached myself with my past life, in which I had so
evidently, by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay me
under uncommon strokes, and to deal with me in so vindictive a manner.
These reflections oppressed me for the second or third day of my
distemper; and in the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadful
reproaches of my conscience, extorted from me some words like praying to
God: though I cannot say it was a prayer attended either with desires or
with hopes; it was rather the voice of mere fright and distress. My
thoughts were confused; the convictions great upon my mind; and the
horror of dying in such a miserable condition, raised vapours in my head
with the mere apprehension: and, in these hurries of my soul, I knew not
what my tongue might express: but it was rather exclamation, such as,
"Lord, what a miserable creature am I! If I should be sick, I shall
certainly die for want of help; and what will become of me?" Then the
tears burst out of my eyes, and I could say no more for a good while. In
this interval, the good advice of my father came to my mind, and
presently his prediction, which I mentioned at the beginning of this
story, viz. that if I did take this foolish step, God would not bless
me; and I should have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected
his counsel, when there might be none to assist in my recovery. "Now,"
said I, aloud, "my dear father's words are come to pass; God's justice
has overtaken me, and I have none to help or hear me. I rejected the
voice of Providence, which had mercifully put me in a station of life
wherein I might have been happy and easy; but I would neither see it
myself, nor learn from my parents to know the blessing of it. I left
them to mourn over my folly; and now I am left to mourn under the
consequences of it: I refused their help and assistance, who would have
pushed me in the world, and would have made every thing easy to me; and
now I have difficulties to struggle with, too great for even nature
itself to support; and no assistance, no comfort, no advice." Then I
cried out, "Lord, be my help, for I am in great distress." This was the
first prayer, if I may call it so, that I had made for many years. But I
return to my Journal.