the paternal roof, occasionally paying a visit to her father-in-law's as
need be. As she advances in years, her repugnance--the effect of early
marriage--to live with her husband is gradually overcome, till time and
circumstances completely reconcile her to her future home. Her affection
grows, and she learns to appreciate the grave meaning of a married life.
She is still, however, but a girl, in habit and ideas, when the real
union of wedded life or the second marriage takes place, which is
solemnised when she arrives at the age of puberty, say at her twelfth or
thirteenth year. There is a popular belief, whether erroneous or not it
is not for me to decide, that in this country heat accelerates growth,
and hence the Hindoo Shasturs enjoin the necessity of early marriage,
the injurious consequences of which are chiefly seen in the weak
constitution of the offspring, and the premature decay of the mother.
So abominable are some of the ceremonies connected with this event in
the life of a female that to describe them fully would be an outrage on
common decency.[48] I will, therefore, confine myself to a description
of the ceremonies, entirely abstaining from an allusion to the
abominations connected therewith. A general depravity of manners can
only account for the prevalence of this obnoxious institution, in the
eradication of which every Hindoo whose moral sense is not entirely
blunted ought to co-operate. As the delay of the union is in the belief
of a Hindoo an unpardonable sin, the fact referred to is announced by
the sound of a conch, and the bodies of all the females are smeared with
turmeric water,--an unmistakable evidence of joy. The news is also
conveyed to the nearest relatives by the family barber who receives
presents of clothes and money. It is quite evident from the silence of
the Hindoo Shastur on the subject that the origin of the female rites is
comparatively recent. Irrespective of the religious observances, it
affords an opportunity to the zenana females to indulge in obscene
depravities, the outcome of vitiated feeling.
The poor girl is placed on this occasion in the corner of a dark, dingy
room, with a small round pebble before her, shut out from the gaze of
men, and surrounded on four sides by four pieces of slender split
bamboos about one yard long fastened by a piece of thread. This is
called the _teerghur_ mentioned before. Being regarded as unclean, she
remains in this room for four days without a bedding or a musquito
curtain, and no one touches her, not even her sisters. She is forbidden
to see the sun, her diet is confined to boiled rice, milk, sugar, curd,
and tamarind without salt. On the morning of the fifth day, she is taken
to a neighbouring tank, accompanied by five women whose husbands are
alive. Smeared with turmeric water, they all bathe and return home,
throwing away the mat and other things that were in the room. She then
sits in another room, and a very low caste woman, in the presence of
five other respectable females (not widows), performs a series of what
is vulgarly called _Nith Kith_,[49] purely female rites, which are
exceedingly indecent and immoral, so much so that a woman who has any
sense of shame feels quite disgusted. During the day, according to
previous invitations, numerous female guests assemble and partake of a
good dinner provided for the occasion. They are also entertained with
songs, dancing and music, all done by professional females. When the
guests retire, they congratulate the girl with the usual benediction to
the effect,--"may you be blessed with a male child."
After a day or two the religious part of the ceremony is performed,
which is free from obscenity. On this occasion, the officiating priest
reading, and the bridegroom repeating the service after him, presents
offerings of rice, sweetmeats, plantain, clothes, doov-grass, fruits and
flowers to the following gods and goddesses, _viz._, _Shasthi_,
_Marcando_, _Soorja_, _Soobhachini_, _Gannesh_, and the nine planets,
much in the same way as when the nuptial rites were formally solemnized.
After this the hands of the bridegroom and the bride are joined
together, and the priest repeating certain formulas, the bridegroom then
causes a ring to slide between the bride's silk garment and her waist.
Twenty-one small images (twenty male and one female) made of pounded
rice are placed before the happy pair, and the priest feeds the bride
with sugar, clarified butter, milk, and the urine and dung of a calf to
ensure the purity of the offspring. They then partake of a good dinner,
the bride taking the residue of the bridegroom's meal. The twenty-one
images are put into the room of the pair as a token of happy offspring,
and the proportion of the males to the females, shews the premium and
discount at which they are respectively held. The bride now takes up her
permanent residence in the house of her father-in-law and becomes one of
his family.
For one twelve month after the marriage, the parents of the bridegroom
and the bride have to make exchanges of suitable presents to one another
at all the grand festivals. At the _first tatto_ or present, besides
clothes, heaps of fruits, sweetmeats, English toys and sundries, the
father of the youth gives one complete set of miniature silver and brass
utensils to the girl, while in return the father of the girl sends such
presents as a table, chair, writing desk, silver inkstand, gold and
silver pencil cases, stationery, perfumery, &c., in addition to an
equally large quantity of choice eatables of all kinds too numerous to
be detailed. The most expensive presents are two, namely, the _sittory_
or winter present and the Doorga Poojah present, the former requiring a
Cashmere shawl, _choga_ and sundry other articles of use, and the
latter, fine Dacca and silk clothes to the whole family, including men,
women and children.
It is a lamentable fact that though a Hindoo bears a great love and
affection to his wife while she lives, yet in the event of her death,
the effects of these amiable qualities are too soon effaced by the
strong influence of a new passion, and another union is very speedily
formed. Even during the period of his mourning, which lasts one month,
proposals for a second marriage are entertained, if not by the husband
himself, by his father or elder brother. When the remembrance of this
heavy domestic bereavement is so very fresh in the memory, it is highly
unbecoming and ungenerous to open or enter into a matrimonial
negotiation, and have it consummated immediately after the _asuchi_ or
mourning is over. A wife is certainly not a beast of burden that is no
sooner removed by death than it may be replaced by another. She is a
being whose joy and sorrow, happiness and misery, should be identical
with her husband's, and he is a savage in the widest sense of the word
who does not cherish a sacred regard for her memory after her death. In
regard to the whole conduct and relations of the married life, Hindoos
cannot have the golden rule too strongly impressed: "Let every one of
you in particular so love his wife, even as himself; and let the wife
see that she reverence her husband."
FOOTNOTES:
[15] I may be permitted here to observe _en passant_ that a civilized
nation in describing the beauty of a woman, is sometimes apt to adopt
the flowery language of Hafiz. At a Ministerial banquet sometime ago,
the Lord Mayor of London was reported to have said about the Princess of
Wales; "she is perfection, she sparkles like a gem of fifty facets, she
is light when she smiles and she is beauty whenever you see her."
[16] Presents of sweetmeats, fruits, clothes, flowers and sundry other
articles on a pretty grand scale from the bride to the bridegroom, which
will be described more in detail afterwards.
[17] A Rajpoot prince was said to have given a lakh of Rupees to a bard
in order to purchase his rhythmic plaudits in a respectable assemblage
of his countrymen.
[18] If we consult properly the pages of the history of this country
from the earliest period, we shall find abundant proofs of the very
great influence of women on Hindoo society in general. I cannot do
better than give the following quotation from Tod's Annals of Rajasthan.
"What led to the wars of Rama? The rape of Sita. What rendered deadly
the feuds of the Yadus? The insult of Dropadi. What made prince Nala an
exile from Nirwar? His love for Damayanti. What made Raja Bharti abandon
the throne of Avanti? The loss of Pingala. What subjected the Hindu to
the dominion of the Islamite? The rape of the princess of Canouj. In
fine, the cause which overturned kingdoms, commuted the sceptre to the
pilgrim's staff and formed the ground-work of all their grand epics, is
woman."
[19] Besides the marriage expenses, this man gave to his five
sons-in-law fifty thousand Rupees each, as well as a house worth ten
thousand Rupees more.
[20] A thin stuff like paper with which Hindoo females redden their
feet. A widow is not allowed to use it. In the absence of shoes, which
they are forbidden to wear, this red color heightens the beauty of their
tiny feet. It is applied once a week.
[21] In the selection of a bridegroom, outward appearances are not
always to be trusted. The late Baboo Aushotosh Dey, a millionaire, had a
very beautiful grand-daughter to give in marriage. As was to be
expected, _Ghatacks_ and _Ghatkees_ had been rummaging the whole town
and its suburbs for a suitable match, one who would possess all the
recommendations of a good education, a respectable family, and a fair,
prepossessing appearance--qualities which are rarely combined in one.
Among others, the name of the late Honorable Baboo Dwarkey Nauth Mitter
(afterwards a Judge of the Calcutta High Court,) was mentioned. He was
then a bachelor, and his reputation as a scholar spread far and wide.
Somehow or other he was brought into the house of Baboo Aushotosh Dey
for the purpose of giving the ladies an opportunity of seeing him. His
scholastic attainments were pronounced to be of very superior order, but
not being blessed with a prepossessing appearance, he was rejected.
[22] In Hindoo marriages and other ceremonies of a similar nature _red_
color is indispensably necessary for all kinds of wearing apparel, even
the invitation cards must be on _red_ paper. Red color is the sign of
joy and gaiety as opposed to black, which is held to be ominous.
[23] A collirium case which contains the black dye with which native
females daub their own and their childrens' eyelids.
[24] The Bengalis have become so much anglicised of late that they have
not hesitated to give an English name to their sweetmeats. When the late
Lord Canning was the Governor General of India, it was said his Baboo
made a present of some native sweetmeats to Lady Canning, who was kindly
pleased to accept it. Hence the sweetmeat is called "Lady Canning," and
to this day no grand feast among the Bengalis is considered as complete
unless the "Lady Canning" sort is offered to the guests. The man that
first made it is said to have gained much money by its sale. It is not
the savoury taste of the thing that makes it so popular, but the name of
the illustrious Lady. While treating the subject of Hindoo
entertainment, it would not be out of place to make a few observations
on a branch of it, for the information of European readers. At all
public entertainments of the kind I am referring to, respectable Hindoos
strictly confine themselves to _vegetable curries_. Though those of the
_Sakto_ denomination (the followers of Kali and Doorga) have no
religious scruples to use goat-meat (male) and onion in the shape of
curry among select friends at home, they dare not expose themselves by
offering it to strangers. Hence, in large assemblies, they strictly
confine themselves to vegetable curries of different kinds. The
principle is good, were it honestly observed; because meat, if not
necessarily, yet generally, is the concomitant of _drink_. _Privately_,
however, both meat and drink are largely used. Respectable females are
entirely free as yet from these carnal indulgences.
[25] The cause of the fear is as follows: When Kartick (the god of
beauty and the son of the goddess Doorga) went out to marry, he had
forgotten to take with him the usual pair of nut-crackers. When he
remembered this on the way, he immediately returned home, and to his
great surprise, saw his mother eating with her ten hands, she being a
ten handed goddess. On asking the reason, he was told that it was lest,
when he should bring his wife, she would not give her the proper
quantity of food. Under what strange hallucinations, even the gods and
goddesses of the Hindoos laboured!
[26] The _chamurs_ are fans made of the tails of Thibet cows.
[27] Every commonplace minutiae in the domestic economy of a Hindoo
family is fraught with meaning: the nuts are kept all-day in the bride's
mouth and are saturated with her saliva. When cut by the hand of the
bridegroom they are supposed to possess a peculiar virtue. Somehow or
other, the bridegroom must be made to use them with the betel, in spite
of the warning of his mother, forbidding him to use them on any account.
When used, his love for his wife is supposed to be intensified, which is
prejudicial to the interests of his mother.
[28] The articles consist of Silver Ghara, Gharoo, Batha, Thalla, Batti,
Glass, Raykab, Dahur, Dipay and Pickdan.
[29] I have known a young collegian of a rather humourous disposition
bleat like a lamb at the time of marriage, to the great amusement of all
the females, except his mother-in-law, who, simple as she was, took the
matter in a serious light, and felt herself almost dejected on account
of the great stupidity of her son-in-law (for she could not take it in
any other sense), but her dejection gave place to joy when in the
_Basurghur_--the sleeping room of the happy pair for the night--she
heard him outwit all the females present. It is obvious that the meaning
of this part of the female rite is to render the husband tame and docile
as a lamb, especially in his treatment of his wife.
[30] In former days when education was but very scantily cultivated,
unpleasant quarrels were known to have arisen between the two parties
from very trivial circumstances. The friends of the bridegroom, often
pluming themselves on their special prerogatives as members of the
strong party readily resented even the slightest insult offered them
rather incautiously by the bridal party. These altercations sometimes
terminated in blows, if not in lacerated limbs. Instead of waiting till
the conclusion of the ceremony, the whole of the bridegroom's party has
been known to return home without dinner, to the great mortification of
the other party. There is a common saying among the Bengalees that "he
who is the enemy of the house should go to a marriage party." It was a
common sport with the friends of the bridegroom to cut with a pair of
scissors the bedding at the house of the bride. But happily such
practices are of rare occurrence now-a-days.
[31] An English gentleman, who, to a versatile genius, combined an
intelligent knowledge of, and a familiar acquaintance with, the manners
and customs of the country, once advised a Native friend of his to go to
England and other great countries on the continent with a number of
Hindoo females and exhibit there all the important social and domestic
ceremonials of this country in a place of public resort. The very
circumstance of Hindoo females performing those rites in the manner in
which they are popularly celebrated here, would be sure to attract a
very large audience. The marriage ceremonies alone would form a regular
night of enchantment and amusement. The time will certainly come when
the realization of such an ingenious idea would no longer be held
Utopian.
[32] Sweeper-caste females.
[33] According to the prescribed rules of the Hindoo society, a
mother-in-law is not permitted to appear before her son-in-law; it is
not only considered indecorous, but is associated with something else
that is scandalous; hence she always keeps her distance from her
son-in-law, but on this particular night, her presence in the room with
other females is quite consistent with feminine propriety. In the case
of a very young son-in-law, however, a departure from this rule is not
reprehensible.
[34] In the suburbs and rural districts of Bengal, females, more
particularly among the Brahmin class, are tacitly allowed to have so
much liberty on this special occasion that they, putting under the
bushel their instinctive modesty, entertain the bridegroom not only with
epithalamiums but with other amorous songs, having reference to the
diversions of Krishna with his mistress, and the numerous milk-maids.
Under an erroneous impression of singing holy songs they unwittingly
trumpet the profligate character of their god. These songs are generally
known by the names of _sakhisungbad_ and _biraha_; the former as the
designation implies, consist of news as conveyed by the principal
milk-maids regarding his mistress, to whom he oftentimes proved false,
and the latter of disappointed love, which broadly exhibits the
prominent features of his sensuous life. They feel such an interest in
these low entertainments, that under the hallowed name of religion they
are led to indirectly perpetrate a crime. Frail as women naturally are,
the example of such a god, combined with the sanction of religion, has
undoubtedly a tendency to impair the moral influence of a virtuous life.
I have always regretted this from my personal observation, but to strike
a death blow at the root of the evil must be the work of ages. The
essential elements of the Hindoo character must be thoroughly recast.
[35] The fee for the trouble of removing the bed and keeping up the
night, the ladies who remained in the bed-chamber are justly entitled to
it for their pains; a widow, be it observed, is not permitted to touch
the bed lest her misfortune would befall the bride, but she gets,
however, her portion or share of the fee.
[36] It should be mentioned that a female after her marriage is not
allowed to utter the name of her husband or of any of his male and
female relatives save those who are younger than she. There is no harm
done in taking the name of a husband, but through a sense of shame she
does not repeat it.
[37] The _Urghi_ consists of _dooav_ grass, rice and _alta_ (a thin red
stuff made of cotton like paper with which Hindoo females daub their
feet,) previously consecrated to the goddess Doorga, and is supposed to
possess a peculiar virtue in promoting felicity and relieving distress.
[38] Hindoos are so passionately fond of their children, male or female,
that they can but ill brook the idea of a segregation, even under
circumstances where it is unavoidable. Hence wealthy families often keep
their sons-in-law under their own roof. Sometimes this is done from
vanity. Such sons-in-law generally become indolent and effeminate,
destitute alike of mental activity and physical energy. They eat, drink,
smoke, play and sleep. Fattening on the ample resources of their
father-in-law they contract demoralizing habits, which engender vice and
profligacy. The late Baboos Ramdoolal Dey, Ramruttun Roy, Prannauth
Chowdry, the Tagore families, the old Rajahs of Calcutta and some of the
newly fledged English made Rajahs and others, countenanced this
practice, and the result is, they have left with but few exceptions a
number of men singularly deficient in good moral character. These men
are called _Ghar Jamayes_, or home bred sons-in-law, which is a term of
reproach among all persons who have a spark of independence about them.
The late Baboo Dinno Bundho Mitter, the celebrated author of "_Nil
Durpun_," strongly satirises such characters in a book called "_Jamay
Bareek_." While on this subject I may as well mention here that Baboo
Ramdoolal Dey of Calcutta, who had risen from obscurity to great
opulence, had five daughters, to each of whom he gave a marriage dowry
of Rupees 50,000 in Government securities, and 10,000 Rupees for a
house. Of course all his sons-in-law were first class _Koolins_, and
used to live under the roof of their father-in-law. Some of their sons
and grandsons are now ranked amongst the Hindoo millionaires of this
great City, while most of the members of the original stock have
dwindled into insignificance, strikingly illustrating the instability of
fortune.
[39] The use of an iron bangle or bracelet has a deep meaning, it
outlasts gold and silver ones. A girl may wear gold ornaments set in
precious stones to the value of ten or fifteen thousand Rupees, but an
_iron_ bangle worth a pice,--a veritable insignia of _ayestreehood_
opposed to widowhood--is indispensable to a married woman for its
comparatively durable quality. A young widow may wear gold bangles till
her twentieth year, but she is not privileged to put on an iron bangle
after the death of her husband.
[40] In the early part of the British Government in Bengal, _cowries_
were the common currency of the Province in the ordinary transactions of
life. People used to make their _hautbazar_ (market) with _cowries_, and
a family that made a daily bazar with sixteen or eighteen _kahuns_ of
cowries, equal to one rupee or so, was reckoned a very respectable
family. The prices of provisions ranged nearly one-third of what they
now are. Even the revenues of Government were sometimes paid in cowries
in the Eastern districts, namely, Assam, Sylhet, &c.
[41] There is a custom amongst the Hindoos that a married woman
considers it no disgrace but rather an act of merit to eat the residue
of her husband's meal in his absence; so great is the respect in which a
husband is held, and so warm the sympathy existing between them. Even an
elderly woman, the mother of five or six children, cheerfully partakes
of the residue, as if it were the orts of gods.
[42] It is a noteworthy fact that in contracting matrimonial alliances,
some families placed in mediocre circumstances are satisfied with taking
a certain sum of money in lieu of the presents mentioned, partly because
the articles are mostly of a perishable nature, and partly because the
making presents of money to numerous servants for their trouble and
feeding them, is regarded more as a tax than anything else. They prefer
utility to show. Even in such cases of verbal contract, the father of
the bride must send at least thirty servants with presents, besides 100
or 150 Rupees in cash as is stipulated before.
[43] In making the above imitations, Hindoo females exhibit an
astonishing degree of skill and ingenuity which, if directed by the hand
of an expert, is capable of still further improvement. Naturally and
instinctively they evince a great aptitude for learning all sorts of
handiwork.
[44] It is perhaps not generally known that the dinner of a native,
Hindoo or Mussulman, male or female, is not considered complete, until
he chews his _pan beera_ or betel. The bridegroom after eating and
washing his mouth chews his usual _pan_, and is asked to give a portion
thereof to the bride; he hesitates at first, but consents at length to
give it into the right hand of his elder brother's wife, who forcibly
thrusts the same into the mouth of the bride, observing at the same time
that their mutual repugnance on this score will soon be overcome when
their incipient affection grows into true love.
[45] _Jarawya_ jewellery is set in precious stones, the value of which
it is not easy to estimate.
[46] A Hindoo _Ayistree_ female, _i. e._, one whose husband is alive,
whether young or old, is religiously forbidden to take off _balla_
(bangle) from her hands, if is a badge of _Ayistreeism_, even when dead
red thread is substituted in the place of the _balla_, so great is the
importance attached to it by _Ayistree_ females. When the _balla_ is not
seen on the hand, it is called the _raur hatha_, or the hand of a widow,
than which there could not be a more reproachful term.
[47] _Gharbasath_ implies dwelling in a father-in-law's house. If the
bride do not go there within eight days from the date of marriage, she
could not do so for one year, but after _gharbasath_ she can go and come
back any time when necessary. The object is to impress on her mind that
her father-in-law's house is her future home. It is on this occasion
that the worship of _Shoobachini_ already described is performed, and
both the bridegroom and bride are taken to _Kally Ghat_ to sanctify the
hallowed union and obtain the blessings of the goddess.