(I didn't want ter write this compersition, but pa said I must
'cause he wants me ter be a lawyer one of these days. This is a
hard world fur boys, anyway. It doesn't make no diffrunce what a
boy does or says, he's sure ter get inter trouble.)
'Tain't so with girls. Everything girls does is right. I wish't
I was a girl. I'm the only boy in our family, 'nd it's a awful
responsibility to be the only boy. I've got three sisters, but
they're all girls. Sis and Tom Golder took me to the city t'other day,
and we took our dinner at a bang-up hotel, I tell you. When the
waiter arsked me ef I'd hev the bill of fare I said, "Thank you,"
jest as perlite as I knew how, but it made Sis mad b'cause I told him
"Only a little piece, please." How'd I know what it was, when they
hev sech outlandish names fur things! Tom larfed and larfed; but
I told the waiter he mustn't mind him; he was my sister's feller,
and I guessed he warn't used ter city ways; but he was all right
and as rich as a Jew. Everybody but Sis at that was hotel seemed
good-natured. The waiter was orful jolly, too. I pointed out to him
a sickly-looking chap--Tom said he was a dude--at an opposite table
and told him that dude was eating the bouquet, and how that
feller larft! He said it was only celery, and wouldn't I like some,
but I told him, "No, thank you, I'd ruther hev my greens cooked."
On the way home Sis took off her hat and put it on the seat in
front of her, without saying anything to me about it. Ov course when
I sot down that hat was right under me and feather 'nd all was jambed
flatter'n a pancake. Tom larfed, but Sis didn't. He said he guessed
I thort I was a-sittin' on the style. When I got home I felt's if
I'd been a-settin' on a hornet's nest. Pa's the most onreasonable
man I ever seen! He told me one day not ter pick another flower
outer the garding without leave; so next time I was jest as keerful
as I could be 'nd picked 'em all _with_ leaves. Perhaps you won't
believe it, but I got a thrashing fur that. Then one dark night,
as pa and me went out ter the barn, pa run against a post, and he
said he wished that darned post was in the lower regions; but I told
him he'd better not wish it there, fur he might run into it again.
But what's the use o' trying to help your relations? I hed to go to
bed a week right after supper, jest fur that. But I'd ruther do
that than hev ma talk to me, she's so orful sober about it.
She finished up a long talk last Sunday night with, "I hev tried
to give you every advantage, Napoleon, and this is how you treat me;"
and I said, "Of course I wouldn't take advantage of my ma,"
'nd I vum ef she didn't tell pa of that. It's orful discouraging
to be a boy. I sha'n't try very much longer. I shall be glad when
I'm a lawyer, 'cause then I can be as wicked as I want to.
(_Bows and returns to seat._)
(_School then sings "Auld Lang Syne," and having been dismissed
by_ TEACHER, _exeunt with characteristic noise._)