Passing back through the corridor Christian saw a figure standing very
still in the semi-darkness. He recognized Johanna, and he felt that
this thing was fated--that she should be standing here and waiting for
him.
She did not look at him; she looked at the floor. Not until he came
quite close to her did she raise her eyes, and then she looked timidly
away. Her lips quivered. A question hovered on them. She knew all that
had passed between Eva and Christian. That they had once been lovers
only increased her enthusiastic admiration for them both. But what
happened between them now--her brief presence made her sure of its
character--seemed to her both shameful and incomprehensible.
She was imaginative and sensitive, and loved those who were nobly
proud; and she suffered when such noble pride and dignity were humbled.
Her whole heart was given over to her ideal of spiritual distinction.
Sometimes she would misunderstand her own ideal, and take external
forms and modes as expressions of it. And this division in her soul,
to which she was not equal, sometimes delivered her into the power
of mere frivolity. “It is late,” she whispered timidly. It was not a
statement; it was an attempt to save herself. Each time that Christian
had been mentioned, three things had struck her mind: his elegance, his
fine pride, his power over all hearts. That was the combination that
called to her and stirred her and filled her days with longing.
Thus she had followed Crammon in search of the great adventure,
although she had said of him but an hour after she had met him: “He is
grandiosely and grotesquely comic.” She had followed him like a slave
to a market of slaves, hoping to catch the eye of the khalif.
But she had no faith in her own power. Voluntarily and intentionally
she crumbled the passions of her being into small desires. She suffered
from that very process and jeered at herself. She was too timid to
take greatly what she wanted. She nibbled at life and had not the
adventurousness of great enjoyments. And she mocked at her own unhappy
nature, and suffered the more.
And now he stood before her. It frightened and surprised her, even
though she had waited for him. Since he stayed, she wanted to think
him bold and brave. But she could not, and at once she shrank into
self-contempt. “It is late,” she whispered again, nodded a good-night,
and opened the door of her room.
But Christian begged silently with an expression that was irresistible.
He crossed the threshold behind the trembling girl. Her face grew hard.
But she was too fine to play a coquettish game. Before her blood was
stirred her eyes had yielded. The pallor of her face lit it with a new
charm. There was no hint of plainness any more. The stormy expectation
of her heart harmonized the lines of her features and melted them into
softness, gentleness, and delicacy.
Of her power over the senses of men she was secure. She had tested
her magnetism on those whom one granted little and who gave less.
Flirtations had been used as anodynes in her social group. One had
played with false counters, and by a silent compact avoided serious
moments. But her experience failed her to-night, for here there was not
lightness but austerity. She yielded herself to this night, oblivious
of the future and its responsibilities.