THE POWER OF POSITIVE SUGGESTIONS
A child is the most imitative creature in the world. Before he is out
of pinafores he tries to talk and act just like his elders. It is
because of this inherent tendency to say and do those very things
which he hears others say and do, that, if faith-thoughts are early
and constantly suggested to the unfolding mind of the child they will
assist greatly in evolving a character of joy, confidence, and
courage. On the other hand, if fear-thoughts are continuously sown in
the young mind they will eventually distort the emotions, deform the
conceptions, and wholly demoralize the health and life activities of
the growing child. Within the limitations of the possibilities of
hereditary endowment, and in view of this wonderful imitative nature,
we are able to make of a child almost anything we desire; not "an
angel," in the ordinary acceptation of the term, but a child who knows
his place and possesses the power of normal self-control.
EARLY FEARS
From two to six years of age, when the imagination is most plastic and
vivid, when the child's imitative instinct is so unconsciously
automatic, is the most effective and opportune time to initiate good
habits and lay the foundations for the later development of a strong
and noble character. "Baby's skies are Mamma's eyes" is just as true
as it is poetical. While a tired and worn-out mother, exhausted by a
multitude of harrassing household cares, may be pardoned for her
occasional irritability, nevertheless the little one unconsciously
partakes of her spirit. When the mother is happy the child is happy.
When Mother is sick and nervous the child is impatient and irritable.
It is unfortunate that this very time of a child's life, when we can
do practically anything we choose with him, is the very time when so
many parents fill the child's mind with the unhealthful fear-thoughts.
"The bogie man'll get you if you don't mind Mamma," or, "I'll get the
black man to cut your ears off," or, "the chimney sweep is around the
corner to take bad little boys," are familiar threats which are so
frequently made to the little folks. These efforts to terrorize the
young child into obedience never fail to distort the mind, warp the
affections, and, more or less permanently, derange the entire nervous
system. The arousal of fear-thoughts and fearful emotions in the mind
of the growing child is very often such a psychologic and a
physiologic shock to the child that the results are sometimes not
wholly eradicated in an entire lifetime.
Just see how far we carry this unwholesome introduction of
fear-thoughts--even to the Almighty. Thousands of us remember being
told as a child that "God don't like naughty boys," or, "God will send
the bad man to get you if you don't be good." Thus, early in life, an
unwholesome fear of the Supreme Being is sown in the mind of the
child, and, as time passes, these false fears grow and come so to
possess the mind and control the emotions that in adult life this
early teaching comes to mold the character and shape the religious
beliefs of the individual.
To the child who has been reared to dread God, who has come to look
upon the Creator as an ever present "threat," how is it possible to
convey the beautiful teaching of His fatherhood?
FEAR OF NOISES
How frequently some unusual noise leads a parent to say: "Keep still!
What was that? Did you hear that noise?" The little folks of the
family are startled, their eyes grow large and their faces pale, while
they cling to the frightened mother. Of course, investigation usually
shows that the strange and alarming noise was merely the slamming of a
cellar door, the rattling of a curtain in the wind, some one walking
about downstairs, or the action of the new furnace regulator in the
basement. But meantime the harm is done to the children--fear, the
worst enemy of childhood, has been unconsciously planted in the mind
by the thoughtless and nervous parent.
FEAR OF DARKNESS
Consider for a moment the thousands of children who are early taught
an abnormal fear of the dark. Even when the child is absolutely free
from such a fear, when sent into a dark room some member of the family
will thoughtlessly remark, "Do you think it is quite right to send
that child into that dark room? Suppose something should happen." The
child quickly catches the suggestion that something is supposed to be
or happen in the dark, and in his mind is sown the seed of fear.
When our boy was about two years old he was carried one night to the
window by a caretaker, and as they looked out into the darkness the
young woman said, "Boo! dark!" The little fellow shuddered, drew back
and repeated, "Boo! dark! Boo! dark!"
That night, as was our custom after the evening story, we tucked him
in his little bed, turned out the light, and saying, "Sweet dreams,
Darling," closed the door. Imagine our surprise to hear, "Mamma,
Mamma, Willie 'fraid of dark, Willie 'fraid of dark," and it was with
difficulty that he was induced to go to sleep in the dark. Immediate
inquiry revealed the occasion of his fears, and the next night we set
about to eradicate the fear of darkness from the little fellow's mind.
For ten successive nights we took his hand, and, leading him into a
dark room, said, "Nice dark, restful dark; we go to sleep in the dark;
we're not afraid of the dark, no." Each night, save one, we were met
with, "No, no, naughty dark. Willie 'fraid of dark." On the tenth
night as we entered the room as usual, repeating, "Nice dark, restful
dark; we go to sleep in the dark; we're not afraid of the dark, no,"
his little mind responded. Suggestion had at last routed fear and
given birth to faith. We had won! But it had taken ten nights of
constant work to undo one moment's work of a thoughtless girl. Every
night since he has gone to sleep in the dark without a murmur.
THE FOLLY OF MAKING THREATS
Threats only show weakness on the part of the disciplinarian. Most
school teachers early learn the folly of making threats. When I was
teaching school I recall that a number of slate pencils had been
dropped on the floor one afternoon. Thoughtlessly I threatened, "Now
the next child that drops a pencil will remain after school and
receive punishment!" My fate! The weakest, most delicate girl in the
room was the next to drop her pencil, and she was a pupil with a
perfect record in deportment. The reader can imagine my embarrassment.
I had threatened punishment, and so had to get out of the predicament
as best I could. This experience effectually cured me of making such
foolish threats.
Most of us live to regret the threats we make. "Your father will
thrash you when he comes home tonight," or, "You'd better not let your
father see you doing that," or, "You wouldn't behave that way if your
father was here," etc., are common threats which we hear directed at
headstrong and willful boys. What is the result? Do such threats cause
the love of the child for his father to increase? They make the child
actually afraid of his father.
"I'll 'bust' your brains out," said a four-year-old to his pet lion,
because it wouldn't stand up. Now it should be remembered that these
things do not originate in the minds of the boy and girl. They only
repeat the things they hear others say. It betrays both cowardice and
ignorance to undertake to secure obedience by such threats as "I will
box your ears if you don't mind," etc.
Obedience that is worth anything at all is only secured by suggestion
and love, never by promises of reward or threats of punishment.
CHILDREN WHO ARE CALLED "COWARDS"
Recently we overheard a little fellow say, "Father says I'm the only
coward in the whole family." Looking him straight in the face we said
to him: "You're not a coward. Such a fine boy as you couldn't possibly
be a coward." The boy was greatly amazed, and, as we left him, he was
saying over to himself, "I'm not a coward. She said I'm not a coward,"
finally adding, "She said I couldn't be a coward." This one thought,
repeated to him several times and turned over and over in his mind,
eventually overthrew the false fears instilled by his father.
A short time ago the daily papers contained the story of the
ten-year-old son of a New York business man who drew his few dollars
from the savings bank, boarded a train for Chicago, and, after three
days of amusement and loneliness, his money all gone, was found in a
hotel bitterly weeping. His identity was revealed, the parents were
notified at once, and the boy was sent on the first train back to his
home. On the way to the station he sobbed out through his tears,
"Well, my brother can't call me a coward any more, anyway." Who knows
but that this everlasting taunting of the child with the accusation of
being a baby or being a coward has much to do with many such escapades
and other daring exploits on the part of the juveniles who are chafed
by such unjust insinuations? Those of us who are acquainted with the
vice and crime of a great city can imagine just what might have
happened if this boy had been a little older, if his heredity had not
been so good, if his money hadn't run out, if he had been able to
remain in the big city long enough to make undesirable acquaintances.
Many criminals have confessed behind prison bars that when they were
children they were called cowards. After a while they actually came to
believe that they were cowards, and in their efforts to acquire
courage and demonstrate their bravery they were led to desperate and
even criminal acts. They prowled around the dark alleys just to
convince themselves that they were not afraid, that they were not
cowards, and there they made the acquaintance of the criminals who led
them into new and dangerous paths. Even if a child enters this world
handicapped by heredity, let us not lessen his chances of success by
adverse suggestion.
Faith-thoughts, thoughts of bravery and of courage, may just as easily
be instilled into the mind of the normal child as thoughts of fear and
cowardice. A child should never have suggested to him that he is
afraid. He should be constantly assured that he is brave, loyal, and
fearless. The daily repetition of these suggestions will contribute
much to the actual acquirement of the very traits of character that
are thus suggested. This does not mean that a child should not be
taught caution and forethought.
THE GIRL WHO WOULD "TURN OUT BAD"
Parents do not begin to realize how fearfully dangerous is this habit
of constantly reiterated negative suggestion. Let me illustrate by an
actual incident: A beautiful girl in a near-by state grew up quietly
in the little village until she was eighteen years of age, when
suddenly she decided to run away from home, declaring she was old
enough to do as she pleased. She confided in one of her girl friends
that she was going to Chicago, and had made all arrangements to lose
herself in the "redlight" district. All that this girl friend said had
not the slightest influence. As the train bore her away to the city
and to ruin, a social worker in Chicago was wired to meet her at a
suburban station. The girl was met, taken from the train and whisked
in a cab to the home of a Christian woman. So possessed was this girl
with the idea of throwing herself away that the captain of police was
asked to talk to her; but the combined efforts of the police captain,
a magistrate, and several Christian people could not persuade her to
recall her threat. She declared she would kill herself if her parents
were notified. This siege lasted for ten days. Then she finally broke
down, saying: "I simply can't help it. All my life my mother has told
me that I was going to turn out bad. No matter what would happen at
home, if I broke a dish or went out with the young people and remained
away ten minutes later than I was told to, it would always be thrown
up to me. 'Oh, some day you'll turn out bad.' I have heard it until I
am sick of it, and something within seems to push me on and on,
telling me I must turn out bad."
Of course the girl was persuaded to believe that these were only
fear-thoughts; that she was a beautiful, virtuous girl, that she
simply had received the wrong training, that she couldn't possibly
turn out bad. She was thus saved by the sympathy and advice of
understanding friends, was subsequently married and is today the
mother of a splendid boy.
WHAT HEALTHY FAITH-THOUGHT WILL DO
Here is another story which illustrates what healthy faith-thought
will do. A young man was not long ago selected for the highest
position within the gift of a large religious organization. When he
was a lad his parents held this thought constantly before his mind:
"David, if you will be a good boy, if you will do what is right, you
may some day be President of the General Assembly." He became a
minister of the Gospel, a very successful one, and subsequently
married a young woman who was also much interested in religious work.
She continued to encourage him in this ambition, saying: "David,
preach the best sermons you can; make an effort to bring many souls to
Christ, and some day I believe you will be President of the General
Assembly." The man presided over the General Assembly of his
denomination, not one term, but term after term. He kept his eye long
fixed on that particular aim, and by faith he won it.
THE POWER OF SUGGESTION
To see how powerful suggestion may be in a child's life take this
incident that every parent knows: The little one trips and tumbles.
Mamma says, "Oh, did you fall? Well, never mind; come here, I'll kiss
it. There, now it's well." Immediately the child goes back to his play
perfectly happy. One little fellow was taught that when he fell he
should get up at once, rub the bump, and say, "That didn't hurt." All
through his career the bumps and the hardships of life were met with
the same pluck. On the other hand, a thoughtless caretaker will
excitedly jump and catch up the slightly injured child, coddle it,
rock it, pet it--and the crying continues indefinitely. This early
training in meeting minor hurts and obstacles lasts throughout the
lifetime. Pluck and grit are lacking. The behavior of the man in the
face of difficulties is foreshadowed by the attitude of the child
toward his petty trials and bumps.
Successful child training follows in the path of positive suggestion.
Impatient words and careless threats of punishment can only contribute
to the wrong training of the young mind.
When is the best time to suggest to the child? Catch the little fellow
when he is happiest, when he is overjoyed and filled with glee; for it
is at such times that the suggestions offered will meet with the least
resistance.
Teach the children through the spirit of play and through the medium
of the story. The boy or girl in the story always can have a clean
face, always close the doors quietly, and otherwise so conduct himself
or herself as to constitute a powerful positive suggestion for good.
The story-child always says, "All right, Papa," "All right, Mamma,"
when corrected.
BEDTIME A GOOD TIME TO SUGGEST
The "going-to-bed time" is the time _par excellence_ for suggestion in
early childhood. After the play time, the study time, and the evening
story, when all is quiet, in the peacefulness of the darkness, while
you are seated in a low chair close beside the little bed, with your
hand in his, repeat over and over again the positive suggestions which
you desire to take root in the mind and bear fruit in the character.
Again and again tell the little fellow that he is the noblest and
bravest of boys, that he loves truth and hates deceit. No matter what
disturbs him, if it is the lessons at school or a wrong habit, first
think out exactly what you desire him to be or to do, and firmly, but
quietly, tell it over and over to him.
As a concrete example: Suppose Henry, at three-and-a-half years of age
has to be coaxed or almost forced to eat. Say to him: "Now, Henry, you
are a good little boy. Papa and mamma love you dearly. If you are
going to grow up to be a big man you must not forget to eat; so
tomorrow when you go down to the table you will eat everything mamma
or nurse puts before you. It won't be necessary for papa to feed you
at all; you will eat the potatoes, the gravy, the toast, and the
cereal, and drink your milk. You will make mamma very happy, and papa
will be proud of you; and then after dinner we will have a good romp,
and you will soon grow up to be big enough to have a velocipede and a
watch." After two or three evenings of this suggestion you will be
surprised to see there is a great difference in his eating.
Take the timid little girl who is unable to recite well at school, who
is shy, and has great difficulty with her lessons. At the
going-to-sleep time sit by the side of her bed and tell her that
tomorrow she will have her lessons better, that she will not any more
be afraid, that she will get up and recite without the least fear in
her heart. By constantly repeating these suggestions she will be given
confidence, and in most cases it will result in effecting the
deliverance of the child from her bondage to fear. Never tell her that
she is shy or that she cannot do things. Constantly tell her that she
is a successful girl with a strong character, and that she is going to
make a very useful and courageous woman. Hold high aims and ideals
before her. Suggestion cannot atone for all the defects of character
which may be inherited, but it can do much to help such unfortunate
little ones gracefully bear their burdens.
NEVER ACCUSE CHILDREN OF DISHONESTY
Never tell children that you suspect they are dishonest or untruthful.
Be very slow to accuse and suspect them of falsehood or theft. Tell
them over and over again they are the best boys and girls in the
world; that they are going to make the noblest of men and women; that
they love honesty and truth. Even when you discover them in minor
faults do not make the mistake of unduly magnifying and emphasizing
the error. As soon as possible direct the thoughts and attention of
the wrongdoer away from his error, and focus his thoughts and
attention on the high goal you expect him to reach. This will not be
construed as doing away with proper punishment for persistent faults
after the more ideal methods seem to have failed.
A patient recently called us to see her little girl, and as we made
ready to make the examination the mother said: "Now, Mary, stop your
playing and come and be undressed and let the doctor look at you."
"I don't want to stop playing," murmured Mary.
"But you must come. You know you don't feel well at all, your cheeks
are so red. Now swallow and see if it don't hurt. Now try again. I
know you don't feel well." By the time we had begun our examination
Mary began to succumb to her mother's suggestions, and began to feel a
trifle indisposed. She was being made temporarily ill by the unwise
and unfortunate suggestions of the overanxious mother. The
examination revealed that there was nothing whatever the matter with
her.
IT IS EASY TO FORM GOOD HABITS
Let us get the truth firmly into our minds as parents that it is just
about as easy to form a good habit as a bad habit, just about as easy
to acquire helpful, happy thoughts as those that are injurious; and we
can do it, if we will but see to it that our children early form
correct and proper habits of thinking and acting. While the children
are taught proper respect for authority, let fear be an unknown word
to them. Don't let a thought of the fear of insanity, of haunted
houses, of drafts, of this and of that enter into your home. Instead,
live in the glorious sunshine of strong, healthy, faith-thought, and a
supreme happiness will come into your life, and you will give a legacy
to your children for which they will "rise up and call you blessed."
CHIVALROUS SPIRIT
The love of mother and sister can naturally and happily be turned
early to a chivalrous attitude toward all women when it is developed
by suggestion and other training. In giving up a chair or bringing one
for a guest, in lifting the hat, in noticing ways to be polite and
attentive to mother, a lifelong conduct may be ensured.
Each day gives us trying and sometimes shocking revelations of the
prevalent lack of courtesy, or even humanity, on the street cars
during the "rush" hours. The indifference to the comfort of women,
even the aged, on the part of many men and boys in the matter of
giving them seats or other care, indicates a dangerous social
condition.
The mother, instead of exercising selfish concern for her boy, should
make it her duty very early to suggest that he give his seat to a
woman or girl, as he would be glad to have someone do for his mother
or sister. Such unselfish service will become a habit of pleasure, and
help the boy become a pure-minded, manly gentleman with that respect
for womanhood without which a nation is doomed.