Pa Finds the Fat Lady a Burden--The Bad Boy Makes His First Public
Appearance--He Talks Politics with the Midget--Pa Meets with
Numerous Accidents.
May 1.--We had the darndest time getting packed up and started on the
road. How in the name of heaven we ever got half the things on the cars
is more than I know, but it seems as though the circus company had a man
to look after everything, and he had men under him to look after his
regular share of things, so when the cars were loaded, and the boss
clapped his hands, and the engineer tooted his whistle, there wasn't a
tent stake or a rope, or a board seat, or anything left behind. Every
man knew exactly where the things were that he was responsible for, so
he could lay his hands on them in the dark, and he knew just what wagon
his stuff was to go in.
Gee, but you talk about system, there is no business in the world that
has a system like a show on the road. Every performer was in his or her
section in the sleeper, and pa and I got an end section with the freaks,
the fat woman across the aisle from us. That fat woman is going to make
life a burden for pa, I can see that plain enough. She is engaged to the
living skeleton, and he sleeps in the upper berth, over her, and he is
jealous of pa, while the fat woman has got to depending on pa to do
little things for her.
Of course, the first night out is always the worst on a sleeper, and the
poor woman is nervous, and when the animal train, in the second section,
ran on a side track beside our train of sleepers, and Rajah, the boss
lion, got woke up and exploded one of his roars, within six feet of the
fat woman's berth, she just gave one yell, and reared up, and came down
hard in the berth. Something broke, and she went right through the
bottom of the berth to the floor, doubled up like a jackknife.
Pa got up and went to her berth, though I told him to keep away, 'cause
he would get into trouble. First he stumbled over one of her shoes, and
said he thought he had told everybody to keep their telescope valises in
the baggage car, and that made her mad. Then he reached in the berth and
got hold of one of her feet, and pa got the men to help and they got her
out, but she seemed all squshed together. She sat up all night and
wanted to lean on pa, but the skeleton kept his head over the rail of
the upper berth and his snake-like eye never left pa all night.
The bearded woman got up out of her berth about daylight, to go to the
toilet room for a shave, or a hair cut, or something, and when she saw
pa trying to soothe the fat woman and hold her from breaking in two, she
screamed and slapped pa's face, and had a mess of hysterics. The fat
woman grabbed a couple of handfuls of female whiskers, and was going to
pull them out by the roots, when the bearded woman begged her not to
pull them out, as to lose her whiskers would destroy her means of
livelihood.
Then the bugle blew for everybody to get up and go to the show lot, and
put up the tents for the first show of the season. When we got out of
the sleeper we asked where we were, and a man told pa we were at Peoria,
Ill., and he wanted pa to give him a complimentary ticket for telling
what town we were in, but pa looked fierce at the man and asked what
kind of an easy mark he took him for, and the man slunk away. You
wouldn't think they could unload those two trains of cars, about 80 in
all, in a week, but when we got out the horses were hitched on the
wagons, and in 15 minutes they were loaded and on the way to the lot,
and pa and I got on the first wagon.
Talk about system. The surveyors were there ahead of us, and had
measured off the lot and pushed wire stakes in the ground where the grub
tent was to be, and when the first wagon of the grub outfit arrived,
which contained a big range, big enough to cook for a thousand men,
stove pipes were put on, which telescoped up into the air, and in two
minutes a fire was built and bacon and potatoes and coffee were cooking,
local bread wagons were unloading bread on the grass, 50 men put up
poles and spread the tent on, and others set up tables in the tent, and
in half an hour breakfast was served to the first 500 men. Pa and I drew
up to the first table, but there was a yell to "put 'em out," and we
found we had sat down to the table of the negro canvasmen, and they
struck because they would not associate on an equality with white trash.
Gee, but pa was mad. He said he was as good as any nigger, and that made
them mad and they threw boiled potatoes and scrambled eggs at pa, and we
had to retire, but when pa complained to the boss canvasman, he told pa
to go and eat with the freaks and try and keep in his place.
[Illustration: They Threw Boiled Potatoes and Scrambled Eggs at Pa.]
We got breakfast at another table, and then we went out on the lot to
superintend the putting up of the big tents. The greatest thing was a
wagon containing a miniature pile driver, run by steam, which was driven
around outside of where the big tents were to be, and it drove down the
big stakes so quick it would make your head swim, and the grounds were
covered with Peoria people who wanted to see how it was done.
Pa imitated the boss canvasman by walking around the lot with his coat
over his arm, and a dirty shirt on, trying to look tough, and he bossed
the sightseers about, and acted cross, and told a man and woman with a
baby wagon to get off the lot, but pa was called down by the principal
owner of the show good and plenty.
Said the owner to pa: "Remember, the success of our show depends on the
friendship and good will of the people who think enough of us to come
out to see us set up keeping house, and that they are all our guests,
and if they get in our way we should go around them, and look pleasant.
We must not get the big head and show that our hair pulls, and that we
are tired and cross. This is a place of amusement, and all connected
with the show are expected to heal up sores, instead of causing bruises,
and if you ever see an employee of this show treating a visitor
unkindly, send him to the ticket wagon to get his wages, and tell him to
go away quick, and stay away long."
You could have lit a match to pa's face, it was so red hot, but he
learned a lesson, for I saw him holding a tired mother's baby up on his
shoulders, so it could see the drove of camels come up to the lot from
the train, soon after. It was great to see all the tents go up as if
raised by machinery, and after all were erected, and the rings were
graded, and the animals in the menagerie tent all fed and watered, and
the performers in the dressing-room ready for the afternoon performance,
pa was the proudest man ever was. He walked all around, inspecting
everything, and kicking occasionally at something that got balled up,
and when the crowd came to buy tickets, he stood around the grand
entrance, looking wise, and he was so good natured that he bet ten
dollars he could guess which walnut shell a bean was under, which a
three-card monte man was losing money at, and pa lost his ten with a
smile. He said he wanted to be kind to the patrons of the show.
This was my first appearance in the show business. I had to stand up
beside the giant, to show how little I was, and then I had to stand up
beside the midget to show how big I was compared with him. It went all
right with the giant, because he was so big I was afraid of him, but I
thought the midget was about my age, and needed protection, and when the
crowd surged around us I said: "Don't be afraid, little fellow, I will
see that no one harms you." The look he gave me was enough to freeze
water.
When the crowd had gone into the big show tent, what do you think, that
confounded midget began to ask me how I stood on the tariff question,
and he argued for free trade, whatever that is, for half an hour, and
made me think of Bryan during a campaign, and then he branched off on to
the Monroe doctrine, which I suppose is something connected with a rival
show, and I guess he would be talking yet, only a big husky fellow came
along, a fellow about 25 years old, and he stooped over and put his hand
on the midget's shoulder and said: "Hello, dad," and by gosh, the midget
introduced me to the big galoot as his youngest son. Wouldn't that skin
you.
The first day of the season was great, only all the performers had not
got limbered up. One of the girls on the flying trapeze fell off into
the net from the roof of the tent and broke her suspenders, so when they
got her down in the ring it seemed as though everything she had on was
going to shuck loose, and leave her with nothing but a string of beads,
and pa went up to wrap his coat around her, and she kicked his hat off
and ran into the dressing-room. The audience just yelled, and pa blushed
scarlet, 'cause he saw it was a put-up job to make him ridiculous.
[Illustration: She Kicked Pa's Hat Off.]
During the chariot races pa had to jump like a box car to keep from
being run over by a four-horse chariot driven by a one-horse girl, and
the attendants dragged pa out from under a bunch of horses being ridden
barebacked, like fury. Then two horses hitched together with a strap
were being ridden by a woman, the strap broke and the horses spread
apart, and some one yelled that she had split clear in two. Pa rushed in
to help carry one half of her into the dressing-room, but she wasn't
hurt at all, 'cause the peanut boy told me she was a rubber woman, and
you could stretch her half way across the ring, and she would come
together all right, and eat a hearty meal. Gee, but a circus is a great
place to study human nature.
In the evening performance at Peoria there came up a windstorm which
blew down part of the menagerie tent, where the freaks were, and when
the storm was over, and the tent top was pulled up again, they found pa
all right. He started to crawl under the canvas, and skip out for fear
of the animals, but the fat lady caught him and sat down on him.
WITH THE CIRCUS