1. Epicurus’s great confidant and familiar, Colotes, set forth a book
with this title to it, that according to the tenets of the other
philosophers it is impossible to live. Now what occurred to me then
to say against him, in the defence of those philosophers, hath been
already put into writing by me. But since upon breaking up of our
lecture several things have happened to be spoken afterwards in the
walks in further opposition to his party, I thought it not amiss to
recollect them also, if for no other reason, yet for this one, that
those who will needs be contradicting other men may see that they ought
not to run cursorily over the discourses and writings of those they
would disprove, nor by tearing out one word here and another there, or
by falling foul upon particular passages without the books, to impose
upon the ignorant and unlearned.
2. Now as we were leaving the school to take a walk (as our manner is)
in the place of exercise, Zeuxippus began to us: In my opinion, said
he, the debate was managed on our side with more softness and less
freedom than was fitting. I am sure, Heraclides sufficiently signified
his disgust at us at parting, for handling Epicurus and Metrodorus
more roughly than they deserved. Yet you may remember, replied Theon,
how you told them that Colotes himself, compared with the rhetoric of
those two gentlemen, would appear the complaisantest man alive; for
when they have raked together the lewdest terms of ignominy the tongue
of man ever used, as buffooneries, trollings, arrogancies, whorings,
assassinations, whining counterfeits, vile seducers, and blockheads,
they faintly throw them in the faces of Aristotle, Socrates,
Pythagoras, Protagoras, Theophrastus, Heraclides, Hipparchus, and which
not, even of the best and most celebrated authorities. So that, should
they pass for very knowing men upon all other accounts, yet their very
calumnies and reviling language would bespeak them at the greatest
distance from philosophy imaginable. For emulation can never enter that
God-like consort, nor such fretfulness as wants resolution to conceal
its own resentments. Aristodemus then subjoined: Heraclides, you know,
is a great philologist; and that may be the reason why he made Epicurus
those amends for the poetic din (so that party style poetry) and for
the fooleries of Homer; or else, it may be, it was because Metrodorus
had libelled that poet in so many books. But let us let these gentlemen
pass at present, Zeuxippus, and rather return to what was charged
upon the philosophers in the beginning of our discourse, that it is
impossible to live according to their tenets. And I see not why we two
may not despatch this affair betwixt us, with the good assistance of
Theon; for I find this gentleman (meaning me) is already tired. Then
Theon said to him,
Our fellows have that garland from us won;
therefore, if you please,