But the whole business and design of a flatterer is continually to
entertain the company with some pastime or other, a little jest, a
story well told, or a comical action; and, in a word, he thinks he can
never overact the diverting part of conversation. Whereas the true
friend, proposing no other end to himself than the bare discharge of
his duty, is sometimes pleasant, and as often, it may be, disagreeable,
neither solicitously coveting the one, nor industriously avoiding the
other, if he judge it the more seasonable and expedient. For as a
physician, if need require, will throw in a little saffron or spikenard
to qualify his patient’s dose, and will now and then bathe him and feed
him up curiously, and yet again another time will prescribe him castor,
Or poley, which the strongest scent doth yield
Of all the physic plants which clothe the field,
or perhaps will oblige him to drink an infusion of hellebore,—proposing
neither the deliciousness of the one nor the nauseousness of the other
as his scope and design, but only conducting him by these different
methods to one and the same end, the recovery of his health,—in like
manner the real friend sometimes leads his man gently on to virtue by
kindness, by pleasing and extolling him, as he in Homer,
Dear Teucer, thou who art in high command
Thus draw the bow with thy unerring hand;
and as another speaking of Ulysses,
How can I doubt, while great Ulysses stands
To lend his counsel and assist our hands?
and again, when he sees correction requisite, he will check him
severely, as,
Whither, O Menelaus, wouldst thou run,
And tempt a fate which prudence bids thee shun?[104]
and perhaps he is forced another time to second his words with actions,
as Menedemus reclaimed his friend Asclepiades’s son, a dissolute and
debauched young gentleman, by shutting his doors upon him and not
vouchsafing to speak to him. And Arcesilaus forbade Battus his school
for having abused Cleanthes in a comedy of his, but after he had made
satisfaction and an acknowledgment of his fault, took him into favor
again. For we ought to grieve and afflict our friend with design merely
of serving him, not of making a rupture betwixt us, and must apply our
reprehensions only as pungent and acute medicines, with no other intent
than the recovery of the patient. And therefore a friend—like a skilful
musician who, to tune his instrument, winds up one string and lets
down another—grants some things and refuses others according as their
honesty or usefulness prompt him, whereby he often pleases, but is sure
always to profit; whereas the parasite, who is continually upon the
same humoring string, knows not how to let fall a cross word or commit
a disobliging action, but servilely complies with all your desires,
and is always in the tune you ask for. And therefore, as Xenophon
reports of Agesilaus that he took some delight in being praised by
those who would upon occasion dispraise him too, so ought we to judge
that only he rejoices and pleases us really as a friend, who will,
when need requires, thwart and contradict us; we must suspect their
conversation who aim at nothing but our gratification, without the
least intermixture of reprehension; and indeed we ought to have ready
upon such occasions that repartee of a Lacedaemonian who, hearing King
Charillus highly extolled for an excellent person, asked, How he could
be so good a man, who was never severe to an ill one?
12. They tell us that gad-flies creep into the ears of bulls, and ticks
into those of dogs. But I am sure the parasite lays so close siege and
sticks so fast to the ears of the ambitious with the repeated praises
of their worth, that it is no easy matter to shake him off again. And
therefore it highly concerns them to have their apprehensions awake
and upon the guard, critically to remark whether the high characters
such men lavish out are intended for the person or the thing they would
be thought to commend. And we may indeed suppose them more peculiarly
designed for the things themselves, if they bestow them on persons
absent rather than present; if they covet and aspire after the same
qualities themselves which they magnify in others; if they admire the
same perfections in the rest of mankind as well as in us, and are never
found to falter and belie, either in word or action, the sentiments
they have owned. And, what is the surest criterion in this case, we
are to examine whether or no we are not really troubled at or ashamed
of the commission of those very things for which they applaud us, and
could not wish that we had said or acted the quite contrary; for our
own consciences, which are above the reach of passion and will not be
put upon by all the sly artifices of flattery, will witness against us
and spurn at an undeserved commendation. But I know not how it comes
to pass, that several persons had rather be pitied than comforted in
adversity; and when they have committed a fault, look upon those as
enemies and informers who endeavor to chide and lecture them into a
sense of their guilt, but caress and embrace them as friends who soothe
them up in their vices. Indeed they who continue their applauses to so
inconsiderable a thing as a single action, a wise saying, or a smart
jest, do only a little present mischief; but they who from single acts
proceed to debauch even the habits of the mind with their immoderate
praises are like those treacherous servants who, not content to rob
the common heap in the granary, filch even that which was chosen
and reserved for seed. For, whilst they entitle vice to the name of
virtue, they corrupt that prolific principle of action, the genius
and disposition of the soul, and poison the fountain whence the whole
stream of life derives. Thucydides observes, that in the time of war
and sedition the names of good and evil are wont to be confounded
according to men’s judgment of circumstances; as, fool-hardiness is
called a generous espousal of a friend’s quarrel, a provident delay
is nicknamed cowardice, modesty a mere pretext for unmanliness, a
prudent slow inspection into things downright laziness.[105] In like
manner, if you observe it, a flatterer terms a profuse man liberal,
a timorous man wary, a mad fellow quick and prompt, a stingy miser
frugal, an amorous youngster kind and good-natured, a passionate proud
fool stout, and a mean-spirited slave courteous and observing. As
Plato somewhere remarks, that a lover who is always a flatterer of his
beloved object styles a flat nose lovely and graceful, an hawk nose
princely, the black manly, and the fair the offspring of the Gods; and
observes particularly that the appellation of honey-pale is nothing but
the daub of a gallant who is willing to set off his mistress’s pale
complexion.[106] Now indeed an ugly fellow bantered into an opinion
that he is handsome, or a little man magnified into tall and portly,
cannot lie long under the mistake nor receive any great injury by the
cheat; but when vice is extolled by the name of virtue, so that a man
is induced to sin not only without regret but with joy and triumph,
and is hardened beyond the modesty of a blush for his enormities, this
sort of flattery, I say, has been fatal even to whole kingdoms. It
was this that ruined Sicily, by styling the tyranny of Dionysius and
Phalaris nothing but justice and a hatred of villanous practices. It
was this that overthrew Egypt, by palliating the king’s effeminacy,
his yellings, his enthusiastic rants, and his beating of drums, with
the more plausible names of true religion and the worship of the
Gods. It was this that had very nigh ruined the stanch Roman temper,
by extenuating the voluptuousness, the luxury, the sumptuous shows,
and public profuseness of Antony, into the softer terms of humanity,
good nature, and the generosity of a gentleman who knew how to use the
greatness of his fortune. What but the charms of flattery made Ptolemy
turn piper and fiddler? What else put on Nero’s buskins and brought
him on the stage? Have we not known several princes, if they sung a
tolerable treble, termed Apollos; when they drank stoutly, styled
Bacchuses; and upon wrestling, fencing, or the like, immediately dubbed
by the name of Hercules, and hurried on by those empty titles to the
commission of those acts which were infinitely beneath the dignity of
their character?
13. And therefore it will be then more especially our concern to look
about us when a flatterer is upon the strain of praising; which he is
sensible enough of, and accordingly avoids all occasion of suspicion
when he attacks us on that side. If indeed he meets with a tawdry fop,
or a dull country clown in a leathern jacket, he plays upon him with
all the liberty imaginable; as Struthias by way of flattery insulted
and triumphed over the sottishness of Bias, when he told him that he
had out-drunk King Alexander himself, and that he was ready to die of
laughter at his encounter with the Cyprian. But if he chance to fall
upon an apprehensive man, who can presently smoke a design, especially
if he thinks he has an eye upon him and stands upon his guard, he does
not immediately assault him with an open panegyric, but first fetches a
compass, and softly winds about him, till he has in some measure tamed
the untractable creature and brought it to his hand. For he either
tells him what high characters he has heard of him abroad (introducing,
as the rhetoricians do, some third person), how upon the exchange the
other day he happily overheard some strangers and persons of great
gravity and worth, who spake extreme honorably of him and professed
themselves much his admirers; or else he forges some frivolous and
false accusation of him, and then coming in all haste, as if he had
heard it really reported, asks him seriously, if he can call to mind
where he said or did such a thing. And immediately upon his denial of
the matter of fact, which he has reason enough to expect, he takes
occasion to fall upon the subject of his commendation; I wondered
indeed, says he, to hear that you should calumniate your friend, who
never used to speak ill of your enemies; that you should endeavor to
rob another man of his estate, who so generously spend your own.
14. Others again, like painters who enhance the lustre and beauty
of a curious piece by the shades which surround it, slyly extol and
encourage men in their vices by deriding and railing at their contrary
virtues. Thus, in the company of the debauched, the covetous, and the
extortioner, they run down temperance and modesty as mere rusticity;
and justice and contentment with our present condition argue nothing in
their phrase but a dastardly spirit and an impotence to action. If they
fall into the acquaintance of lubbers who love laziness and ease, they
stick not to explode the necessary administration of public affairs
as a troublesome intermeddling in other men’s business, and a desire
to bear office as an useless empty thirst after a name. To wheedle in
with an orator, they scout a philosopher; and who so gracious as they
with the jilts of the town, by laughing at wives who are faithful to
their husbands’ beds as impotent and country-bred? And, what is the
most egregious stratagem of all the rest, the flatterer shall traduce
himself rather than want a fair opportunity to commend another; as
wrestlers put their body in a low posture, that they may the better
worst their adversaries. I am a very coward at sea, says he, impatient
of any fatigue, and cannot digest the least ill language; but my good
friend here fears no colors, can endure all hardness, is an admirable
good man, bears all things with great patience and evenness of temper.
If he meets with one who abounds in his own sense and affects to
appear rigid and singular in his judgment, and, as an argument of the
rectitude and steadiness thereof, is always telling you of that of
Homer,
Let not your praise or dispraise lavish be,
Good Diomedes, when you speak of me,[107]
he applies a new engine to move this great weight. To such a one he
imparts some of his private concerns, as being willing to advise with
the ablest counsel: he has indeed a more intimate acquaintance with
others, but he was forced to trouble him at present: for to whom should
we poor witless men have recourse (says he) when we stand in need of
advice? Or whom else should we trust? And as soon as he has delivered
his opinion, whether it be to the purpose or not, he takes his leave of
him with a seeming satisfaction, as if he had received an answer from
an oracle. Again, if he perceives a man pretends to be master of a
style, he presently presents him with something of his own composing,
requesting him to peruse and correct it. Thus Mithridates could no
sooner set up for a physician, than some of his acquaintance desired to
be cut and cauterized by him,—a piece of flattery that extended beyond
the fallacy of bare words,—they imagining that he must needs take it as
an argument of their great opinion of his skill, that they durst trust
themselves in his hands.