HOW MILLIE SHOOK THE JINX
Kind of odd the way the Morans and Elisha Porter Bayne coincided. You'd
think so if you could see 'em bunched once; for Elisha P. is a mighty
fine man; you know, one of our most prominent and highly respected
citizens. Everybody says so. The local weekly always prints it that way.
Besides, he's president of the Trust Company, head of the Buildin' and
Loan, chairman of the School Board, and a director of such things as the
Old Ladies' Home, the Hospital, and the Nut and Bolt Works. Always wears
a black frock coat and a white string tie too,--tall, thin jawed,
distinguished lookin' gent.
While the Morans--say, let's put them off as long as we can. And the
more we linger in the society of Mr. Bayne the better we ought to be. Up
to last spring, I blush to admit, I'd never been favored much. Course,
commutin' in and out the way I do, I didn't have a good show. But we
passes the nod when we meets. Elisha P. never strains his neck durin'
the exercise. You could detect his nod with the naked eye, though, and I
expect that was a good deal from him to me. You get the idea. That nod
includes only the Mr. McCabe that owns a shore-front place and votes in
Rockhurst-on-the-Sound. It don't stretch so far as to take in Shorty
McCabe who runs a Physical Culture Studio on 42d-st. And that's all
right too. I'm satisfied.
Then here one day back in April, as I'm drivin' home from the station
with Sadie, who should step to the curb and hold me up but Mr. Bayne.
Does it offhand, friendly, mind you. Course I stops sudden. Sadie bows
and smiles. I lifts my lid. Mr. Bayne holds his square-topped derby
against his white shirt front. We shakes hands cordial. And I'm most
gaspin' for breath when it's over.
"Ah, by the way, Mr. McCabe," says he, "about that--er--Sucker Brook
tract? Have you thought it over yet?"
Just like that, you know; as if it was something we'd been talkin' about
for months, while as a matter of fact this is the first hint I'd had
that Elisha P. was interested at all.
Not that it hadn't been put up to me. Why, three diff'rent parties had
interviewed me confidential on the proposition, offerin' to let me in on
the ground floor, and givin' as many diff'rent but more or less
convincin' reasons for bein' so generous. One explains how he wanted to
see the tract go to some local man instead of New York speculators;
another confesses that their little syndicate is swingin' too much
undeveloped property and has got to start a bargain counter; while the
third man slaps me hearty on the back and whispers that he just wants to
put me next to a good thing.
I come near swallowin' the bait too; for I'd turned over some Bronx
buildin' lots not long before at a nice little advance, and the kale was
only drawin' three per cent. Course this Sucker Brook chunk ain't much
to look at, a strip of marshy ground along the railroad; but half a mile
away they're sellin' villa plots, and acreage is mighty scarce so near
the city line as we are. Took me a week of scoutin' among my friends to
discover that this gang of real estate philanthropists had bought up the
Sucker Brook tract on a private tip that a trolley extension was goin'
to be put through there. So it might have been too, only a couple of the
County Board members who was tryin' to pull off another deal got busy
and blocked the franchise. Then it was a case of unload, with me runnin'
as favorite in the Easy Mark Handicap. And now here comes Elisha P.,
straight out of the Trust Company, to spring the trapdoor himself.
"Why, yes, Mr. Bayne," says I. "I've chewed it over some; but I ain't
quite made up my mind to take it on."
"You haven't!" says he, his nice, white, respectable eyebrows showin'
great surprise. "But, my dear man, I personally had that offer made to
you. Why, we could have---- But never mind that. I hope you may see fit
to give us your answer by Saturday noon."
"That depends," says I, "on whether you come for it or not."
"I beg pardon?" says he, starin'.
"At the studio," says I, shovin' over one of my professional cards.
"That's where I do business. So long, Mr. Bayne." And with that I throws
in the clutch and leaves him gawpin'!
"Why, Shorty!" says Sadie. "How horrid of you! And Mr. Bayne is such a
nice old gentleman too!"
"Yes, ain't he?" says I. "And for smoothness he's got a greased plank
lookin' like a graveled walk."
I didn't think he'd come after that. But the other lines they had out
must have been hauled in empty; for not ten days later I has a 'phone
call from him sayin' he's in town and that if it's convenient he'll drop
around about three P.M.
"I'll be here," says I.
"And I trust," he adds, "that I--er--may not encounter any pugilists
or--er----"
"You'll be safe," says I, "unless some of my Wall Street customers break
office rules and try to ring you in on a margin deal. Outside of them,
or now and then a railroad president, the studio has a quiet, refined
patronage."
"Ah, thanks," says he.
"Swifty," says I to my assistant, "don't show yourself in the front
office after three to-day. I'm goin' to entertain a pillar of society,
and a sight of that mug of yours might get him divin' through the
window."
"Ahr-r-r-r chee!" remarks Swifty Joe, catchin' the wink.
Course, I might have got real peevish over Mr. Bayne's suspicions, and
told him to go chase himself; but I'm feelin' sort of good-humored that
day. Besides, thinks I, it won't do any harm to show him just how
peaceful and respectable a physical culture studio can be. You know the
ideas some people get. And as a rule our floor here is the quietest in
the buildin'. I knew it would be that day specially; for all we had on
the slate was a couple of poddy old parties who'd be workin' away at the
apparatus, havin' about as strenuous a time as a baby playin' with its
toes.
But I hadn't counted in that Sieger & Bloom combination, up on the
fourth. They run a third-rate theatrical agency, you know, and just
about then they was fillin' out contracts for summer snaps, and what you
saw driftin' up and down the stairs didn't make you yearn to be a
vaudeville actor. So later on, when I heard an argument in progress out
in the hall, I glances nervous at the clock. It's almost on the tick of
three.
"Hey, cut out the riot!" I calls through the transom; but as there's no
letup to the debate I strolls over to the door, prepared to reprove
someone real severe.
It's quite some spirited scene out on the landin'. There's old man
Bloom, a short, squatty, fish-eyed old pirate with a complexion like
sour dough. He has one foot on the next flight, and seems to be
retreatin' as he waves his pudgy hands and sputters. Followin' him up is
a tall, willowy, black-eyed young woman in a giddy Longchamps creation
direct from Canal-st. She's pleadin' earnest that Bloom mustn't forget
he's talkin' to a lady. Behind her is a husky, red-haired young gent
with his fingers bunched menacin'; while just below, hesitatin' whether
to push through the hostilities or beat it back to the street, is Elisha
P. Bayne, Esq.
"Give us a show to make good, that's all we ask," the young woman is
sayin'. "Put us on somewhere, as you said you would when you took our
money."
"Bah!" snorts old Bloom. "I vouldn't sign you for a Third-ave. cabaret.
Your act is rotten. A pair of cheab skaters, you are--cheab skaters!"
"Oh, we are, are we?" explodes the young woman. Then, biff! out flashes
one of her long arms, and the next thing Bloom knows his silk lid has
been smashed down over his eyes.
"Helb! Helb!" he squeals. "Bolice! I vill ged the bolice after you."
With that he makes a break past her and goes waddlin' downstairs on the
run.
"Now I've done it, I reckon," says the young woman. "And that about
finishes us, Timothy dear. He's after a cop."
"Yes, and he'll bring one back," I puts in, "or I don't know Abie Bloom.
About five and costs will be the bill. But it ought to be worth it."
"It would, every cent," says she, "if we had the five."
"In that case," says I, "you'd better do a sudden duck."
"But where to!" says she, glancin' desperate down the stairs.
And, say, the thought of how comic old Bloom looked strugglin' out of
his hat, and of how eager he'd be to get her sent to the Island for it,
was too much for me.
"In here," says I, steppin' out of the studio door. "You too," and I
motions to the red-haired gent. Then, turnin' to Elisha P., I goes on,
"Better join the group, Mr. Bayne."
"But, you know," he protests, "this is the very thing I wished to avoid.
I do not care to mingle with such--er----"
"I expect not," says I; "but if you stay here you'll be gathered in as a
witness to the assault. Course, if you'd rather do that--why----"
"No, no!" says he. "I--I think I will step in, for a moment at least."
He made up his mind just in time; for I'd no sooner herded the bunch
into the front office and locked the door than we hears Bloom towin'
the cop up the stairs and describin' puffy how he'd been most murdered.
We listens while they searches the hallways clear to the top, and then
hears the cop trampin' down again. He calls back to Bloom that he'll
keep an eye out for the female assaulter.
"That's Roundsman Foley," says I, "and he's got a four-mile beat to
cover between now and five o'clock. Inside of twenty minutes he'll be
blocks away. Might as well sit down, Folks."
"Say, Mister," speaks up the young woman, "I don't know who you are, but
we're much obliged. Tim, speak up."
Timothy wanted to; but he ain't an easy converser, and the language
seems to clog his tongue.
"Don't mention it," says I. "I ain't got any personal grudge against Mr.
Bloom; but I've been achin' to see someone hand him a pat, just for
greens. There's my name on the door."
"Oh!" says the young woman. "Then you're Professor McCabe? Well, we're
the Morans, Millie and Tim. Tango is our line."
I can see Elisha P. shudder visible at that. He hesitates a second, and
then comes to the front. "McCabe," says he, "I feel that I must protest.
An assault was committed in your presence. As a law-abiding citizen it
should be your duty to turn the offender over to the authorities
instead of furnishing a hiding place."
"Now listen to that!" says I. "All right, Mr. Bayne, if you insist. But
you go along as a witness too."
"In a police court!" he gasps. "Why--really, you know, I--I couldn't do
such a thing."
"Case quashed then," says I. "I'm too bashful to go alone."
"But you know," says he, "I came here merely on a matter of business."
"Yes, we'll get to that pretty soon," says I. "Our friends here are only
goin' to stop until the travelin' is safer." Then I turns to the Morans.
"Dancers, eh!" says I. "Where have you been on?"
"Nowhere," says Millie. "We're tryin' to break in."
"Oh!" says I. "Candidates for amateur night?"
"Not much!" says Millie. "We're as good as any. Maurice ain't got a
thing on us, honest; nor that Ripple combination, either. Why, we got
steps of our own that the rest haven't thought of!"
"Ye-e-es?" says I.
"Oh, I know," says she, shruggin' her shoulders. "Maybe we don't look
it; but, say, we've got the goods."
"Case of undiscovered genius, eh?" says I.
Millie flushes a little at that; but bites her lips to keep back the
hot retort. Bright lookin' girl, Millie; and if she hadn't been costumed
so vivid she wouldn't have been such a bad looker. But in that tight,
striped dress with the slashed skirt, and that foolish lid with the two
skimpy pink feathers curlin' over the back--well, believe me, she was
some zippy!
"Say, lemme tell you how it happened, won't you?" says she.
"If it ain't too long," says I.
"I'll make it sketchy," says she. "In the first place, when I landed
here in New York about a year and a half ago, I'd made up my mind to
connect with big money. I didn't know exactly how; the stage, maybe.
Anyway, I knew the coin was here, and that it wasn't in Saskatoon."
"Sass--which?" says I.
"Saskatoon," says she. "It's on the map, up in Saskatchewan, you know.
No, I wasn't born there. Hardly anybody was. It's too new. I went there
with Mother and Brother Phil when the Northwest boom first started. It
was all right for Philip. He could do surveying, and then he got to
dipping into real estate. But there was no chance for me; so I started
for the white lights. While I was looking around here I took on anything
that would furnish a meal ticket. Oh, you can't starve Millie! I did
fancy ironin' in a hand laundry, was window demonstrator for an electric
vibrator concern, did a turn as a dress model, and sold soda checks in
a drugstore. They don't load you down on payday in any of them places;
but that didn't worry me. I was sizing up the good things, and I'd about
decided on the front row of a musical comedy for mine, when what did I
have to go and do but get soft on Tim here!"
Tim blushes embarrassed and scrapes his hoof.
"Enough to wreck most any career, wasn't it?" goes on Millie. "Think of
it! Me, who'd come down to New York with my head so full of ambitions
there wasn't any room to catch cold, and then in a little over a year to
go and marry the first good-natured Irishman that asked me! You see, I'm
only half Irish myself,--Mother was Argentine Spanish,--which makes me
so different from Tim. Look at him! Would you dream he had a bit of
sense? But he's--oh, he's Tim, that's all. And not many of 'em come
better. Driving a motor truck, he was, and satisfied at that. It was up
at a Terrace Garden dance we got acquainted. No music at all in his
head; but in his feet--say, he just naturally has to let his toes follow
the tune, and if ragtime hadn't been invented he'd have walked slow all
his life. And me? Well, I ought to dance, with Father a born fiddler,
and Mother brought up with castanets in her hands. We danced twelve of
the fourteen numbers together that night, and I never even noticed he
had red hair. I'd been dying to dance for months. Some partner, Tim was
too. That began it. We joined a class and started learning the new
steps. And almost before I knew it I was Mrs. Moran. We'd been married
nearly a month before I woke up to what a fool thing I'd done. There I
was, tryin' to feed and clothe two people, besides payin' the rent and
furniture installments, all on sixteen per. I got a job as cashier in a
quick lunch place next day. Tim didn't like it a bit; did you, Tim?"
Mr. Moran grins good-natured.
"That's the way he stormed around at home," says Millie. "But I had a
scheme. We'd seen some of this dancing done on the stage, not much
better than we could do ourselves. 'Tim dear,' says I, 'we've been
dancing for the fun of it. It's the best thing you do. Now let's make it
pay.' He thought I was crazy. I believe he had an idea he was born to
drive a gasoline truck, and that it would be wicked to try anything
else. But I do the heavy thinking for the Moran family. I nearly starved
him until I'd saved out a tenspot. Then I went to the best tango
professor I could find and took an hour lesson. Next I taught Tim. We
cleared out our little dining room and had our meals off the gas range.
My next splurge was a music machine and some dance records. One Saturday
Tim brought home two dollars for overtime, and that night we watched
Maurice from the second balcony. Then we really began practicing. Why,
some nights I kept him at it for four hours on a stretch. He weighed
one hundred and eighty at the start; but now he's down to one hundred
and forty-three. But it's been good for him. And trying to keep all
those new variations in his head--why, he's almost learned to think!
Say, you know you can get almost anything by keeping at it. And Tim and
I have learned rag dancing, all there is to it, besides some I've made
up. All we need now is a chance, and it's such scum as old Bloom that
keeps us out. Do you blame me for landing on his hat?"
"Not me," says I. "And I hope you break in sometime or other."
"It's got to be now," says Millie. "I've made Tim quit the truck, and
we're down to our last dollar. Think of that! Just when I can see
daylight ahead too! Why, if I knew where I could get hold of two
hundred----"
She pauses and gazes around sort of desperate, until she and Elisha P.
Bayne are starin' at each other.
I couldn't resist the temptation, either. "There you are," says I. "Mr.
Bayne runs a bank. Lendin' money's his business."
"Really, McCabe!" says Bayne indignant.
But Millie ain't lettin' any hints get by. "Why wouldn't someone lend me
that much?" says she, gazin' earnest at me once more. "Just two hundred!
I could pay it back in less than six months. Oh, I'm sure I could! Mr.
McCabe, wouldn't you?"
Almost took my breath away, the quick way she turned my josh back on me.
"Why," says I, "I--I might--on security."
"Security?" says she, kind of vague. Then all of a sudden she brightens
up. "Why, yes; of course you'd want security. I'd put up Tim."
"Eh?" says I, and something of the kind comes from Timothy too.
"He can always earn from twelve to fifteen a week," says Millie, eager.
"You could have ten of it for twenty weeks. We could live in one room,
and I would keep things running. Honest, if we don't make a go of it
we'll come back and pay up."
"But what's the scheme?" says I. "Going off somewhere, are you?"
"That's what I want the money for, to take us there," says she. "I--I
don't want to tell the rest. I haven't even told Tim. But we can win
out. I'm sure we can if you'll stake us. Won't you, please, Professor
MCCabe?"
And I expect it was all due to that sneer of Elisha P. Bayne's. For
while this was about as batty a business proposition as I ever had put
up to me, this scheme of Millie's for hockin' her hubby, I'd got more or
less int'rested in her yarn. And it struck me that a girl who'd done
what she had wa'n't any quitter. Elisha puts on such a hard, cold sneer
too; and comin' from this wise, foxy old near-plute who'd been playin'
lead pipe cinches all his life, I expect, and never lettin' go of a
nickel until he had a dime's worth of goods in his fist--well, it got
to me, all right.
[Illustration: "Say, I'm a bear for Paris."]
"You win," says I, flashin' my roll and startin' to count off the
twenties.
"But, McCabe!" gasps Elisha P. "Surely you're not going to lend two
hundred dollars to--to such a person as this?"
"Yep," says I. "This is my foolish day. And I'm goin' to write you a
check for two hundred more for a six months' option on that Sucker Brook
tract. Here you are, Mrs. Moran. Never mind the ticket for Tim. I'm
takin' your word."
"Talk about miracles!" says Millie, countin' the money dazed.
"Bless you, Sorr!" says Tim husky as I shows 'em out.
And I finds Elisha P. sittin' there rubbin' his hands expectant. He must
have suspicioned I was easy all the while, or he wouldn't have hung on
so; but after this exhibition I expect he felt it was only a matter of
makin' a few passes and then walkin' off with everything but my shirt.
Fact is, though, I'd had some new dope on this property, and while it
looked like a thirty-to-one shot I thought I'd take a chance. Course, he
tries to close the deal outright; but the option is as far as I'll go.
For weeks after that, though, I carried four hundred on the books with a
minus sign in front. Then I crossed it off altogether. Not a word from
the Morans. Nothing doing in the way of buying booms around Sucker
Brook. But you got to stand some losses now and then if you're goin' to
keep in line for an occasional big cleanup. And, anyway, it was worth
while to head Elisha P. Bayne's boob list. You ought to see the
sarcastic smiles he used to shoot over when we'd meet and he'd ask if
I'd heard from, my dancing friends yet. Say, I expect I furnished the
one joke of his life.
I did bank on gettin' back something from Millie, though, if only a
money order for ten on account. But all through June and July, clear
into August, not a whisper. Whatever her scheme had been, it must have
gone wrong.
And then here one mornin' last week as I'm gazin' idle out the front
window onto 42d-st., up rolls a taxi, and out climbs a couple that you
might have said had been shot over by aëroplane from the Rue de Rivoli.
Couldn't tell that so much from her getup as from the Frenchy hat and
boulevard whiskers he's sportin'. First brick red imperial I ever
remember seein' too. It ain't until they've climbed the stairs and
walked in the studio door, though, that I even had a glimmer as to who
they was. But one glance at them black eyes of the lady's was enough.
"Well, I'll be singed!" says I. "The Morans!"
"Of London and Paris," adds Millie.
"Gwan!" says I.
"Show him, Tim," says she. At which Timothy extracts from the inside of
his silk tile a billboard poster announcing the comin', for a limited
engagement only, of those European tango wizards, Mons. and Mlle. Moran.
"I cabled our agents we wouldn't sail until we'd seen a sample of the
paper," says Millie.
"Gee!" says I. "You must have got next!"
"Did we?" says Millie. "My word! Why, when we hit London the craze was
just striking in over there. We was among the advance guard. Say, we
hadn't been over ten days before we headed the bill at the Alcazar as
the famous New York tango artists. Inside of two weeks more we were
doing three turns a night, with all kinds of private dates on the side.
Say, would you believe it? I've danced with a real Duke! And Tim--why if
it hadn't been for me on the spot there'd been no telling what would
have happened. Those English society women are the limit. Then Paris.
Ah, _ma chère Paris_! Say, I'm a bear for Paris. Didn't we soak the
price on when that Moulin Rouge guy came after us, though? _Ma foi!_
Say, he used to weep when be paid me the money. '_Mon Dieu!_ Five
hundred francs for so small a _danse_!' But he paid. Trust Millie Moran!
Say, I collected a few glad rags over there too. What about this one?"
"It don't need any Paris label," says I. "Don't see how you got
upstairs in it, though."
"I can do a cartwheel in it," says she. "We've learned to handle
ourselves some, Tim and I. And now I guess I'll take him out of hock.
You'll find two hundred gold in the package."
"Thanks," says I, openin' the long envelope. "But what's this other?"
"Oh, that!" says she. "Interest. Deed for a few lots in the new North
Addition to Saskatoon."
"Tut, tut!" says I. "I can't take 'em. That wa'n't any loan I staked you
to; just bread on the waters."
"Well, you can't kick if it comes back a ham sandwich," says she.
"Besides, the lots stand in your name now. They were a mile out of town
when I bought 'em; but Brother Phil says the city's bulged that way
since. They've got the boom, you know. That's where we've been sending
all our spare salary. Phil's down here to see us open."
"Eh?" says I. "Not the surveyor!"
"He still does some of that," says she.
"Do you suppose," says I, "I could get him to do a little stunt for me
while he's here?"
"Do I?" says she. "Why, he knows all about it. Brother Phil will go the
limit for you."
Uh-huh. Philip was up to all the fine points of the game, and the
imitation he gave of layin' out a two-million-dollar factory site along
Sucker Brook was perfect, even to loadin' his transit and target
jugglers into a tourin' car right in front of the Rockhurst Trust
Company.
Maybe that's how it come to be noised around that the Western Electric
Company was goin' to locate a big plant on the tract. Anyway, before
night I had three of the syndicate biddin' against each other
confidential; but when Elisha P. runs it up to four figures, offerin' to
meet me at the station with a certified check, I closes the deal with a
bang.
"Swifty," says I, hangin' up the 'phone, "trot around to the Casino and
get a lower box for to-night, while I find a florist's and order an
eight-foot horseshoe of American beauties."
"Chee!" says Swifty, gawpin'. "What's doin'?"
"I'm tryin' to celebrate a doubleheader," says I.