THE NOSE REGIMENT.
I saw nothing in the line of military service that interested me more
than the Imperial Guard. Without vouching for the truth of the whole
story connected with the history of this famous regiment, I give it as
related to me by Dominico, merely stating as a fact within my own
observation that there is no question whatever about the peculiarity
of their features. It seems that the Emperor Nicholas, shortly before
the Crimean War, discovered by some means that the best fighting men
in his dominions belonged to a certain wild tribe from the north,
distinguished for the extreme ugliness of their faces. The most
remarkable feature was the nose, which stood straight out from the
base of the forehead in the form of a triangle, presenting in front
the appearance of a double-barreled pistol. A stiff grizzly mustache
underneath gave them a peculiarly ferocious expression, so that brave
men quailed, and women and children fled from them in terror. The
emperor gave orders that all men in the ranks possessed of these
frightful noses should be brought before him. Finding, when they were
mustered together, that there was not over one company, he caused a
general average of the noses to be taken, from which he had a diagram
carefully prepared and disseminated throughout the empire, calling
upon the military commanders of the provinces to send him recruits
corresponding with the prescribed formula.
In due time he was enabled to muster a thousand of these ferocious
barbarians, whom he caused to be carefully drilled and disciplined. He
kept them in St. Petersburg under his own immediate supervision till
some time after the attack upon Sebastopol, when, finding the fortunes
of war likely to go against him, he sent them down to the Crimea, with
special instructions to the commander-in-chief to rely upon them in
any emergency. In compliance with the imperial order, they were at
once placed in the front ranks, and in a very few days had occasion to
display their fighting qualities. At the very first onslaught of the
enemy they stood their ground manfully till the French troops had
approached within ten feet, when, with one accord, they took to their
heels, and never stopped running till they were entirely out of sight.
It was a disastrous day for the Russians. The commander-in-chief was
overwhelmed with shame and mortification. A detachment of cavalry was
dispatched in pursuit of the fugitives, who were finally arrested in
their flight and brought back. "Cowards!" thundered the enraged
commander, as they stood drawn up before him; "miserable poltroons!
dastards! is this the way you do honor to your imperial master? Am I
to report to his most potent majesty that, without striking one blow
in his defense, you ran like sheep? Wretches, what have you to say for
yourselves?"
[Illustration: IMPERIAL NOSEGAY.]
"May it please your excellency," responded the men, firmly and with
unblenched faces, "we ran away, it is true; but we are not cowards. On
the contrary, sire, we are brave men, and fear neither man nor beast.
But your excellency is aware that nature has gifted us with noses
peculiarly open to unusual impressions. We have smelled all the
smells known from the far North to the far South, from the stewed rats
of Moscow to the carrion that lies mouldering upon the plains of the
Crimea; but, if it please your highness, we never smelled Frenchmen
before. There was an unearthly odor about them that filled our
nostrils, and struck a mysterious terror into our souls."
"Fools!" roared the commander-in-chief, bursting with rage, "what you
smelled was nothing more than garlic, to which these Frenchmen are
addicted."
"Call it as you will," firmly responded the men with the noses, "it
was too horrible to be endured. We are willing to die by the natural
casualties of war, but not by unseen blasts of garlic, against which
no human power can contend."
"Then," cried the commander, in tones of thunder, "I'll see that you
die to-morrow by the natural casualties of war. You shall be put in
the very front rank, and care shall be taken to have every man of you
shot down the moment you undertake to run."
On the following day this rigorous order was carried into effect. The
nose regiment was placed in front, and the battle opened with great
spirit. The French troops swept down upon them like an avalanche. For
an instant they looked behind, but, finding no hope of escape in that
direction, each man of them suddenly grasped up a handful of mud, and,
dashing it over his nostrils, shouted "Death, to the garlic-eaters!"
and rushed against the enemy with indescribable ferocity. Never before
were such prodigies of valor performed on the field of battle. The
French went down like stricken reeds before the ferocious onslaught of
the Imperial Guard. Their dead bodies lay piled in heaps on the bloody
field. The fortunes of the day were saved, and, panting and bleeding,
the men of Noses stood triumphantly in the presence of their chief. In
an ecstasy of pride and delight he complimented them upon their valor,
and pronounced them the brightest nosegay in his imperial majesty's
service, which name they have borne ever since.