I had been at Westminster, and was slowly returning to my 'parlour
near the sky,' in Plowden Buildings, in no very enviable frame of
mind. Another added to the long catalogue of unemployed days and
sleepless nights. It was now four years since my call to the bar, and
notwithstanding a constant attendance in the courts, I had hitherto
failed in gaining business. God knows, it was not my fault! During my
pupilage, I had read hard, and devoted every energy to the mastery of
a difficult profession, and ever since that period I had pursued a
rigid course of study. And this was the result, that at the age of
thirty I was still wholly dependent for my livelihood on the somewhat
slender means of a widowed mother. Ah! reader, if as you ramble
through the pleasant Temple Gardens, on some fine summer evening,
enjoying the cool river breeze, and looking up at those half-monastic
retreats, in which life would seem to glide along so calmly, if you
could prevail upon some good-natured Asmodeus to shew you the secrets
of the place, how your mind would shudder at the long silent suffering
endured within its precincts. What blighted hopes and crushed
aspirations, what absolute privation and heart-rending sorrow, what
genius killed and health utterly broken down! Could the private
history of the Temple be written, it would prove one of the most
interesting, but, at the same time, one of the most mournful books
ever given to the public.
I was returning, as I said, from Westminster, and wearily enough I
paced along the busy streets, exhausted by the stifling heat of the
Vice-Chancellor's court, in which I had been patiently sitting since
ten o'clock, vainly waiting for that 'occasion sudden' of which our
old law-writers are so full. Moodily, too, I was revolving in my mind
our narrow circumstances, and the poor hopes I had of mending them; so
that it was with no hearty relish I turned into the Cock Tavern, in
order to partake of my usual frugal dinner. Having listlessly
despatched it, I sauntered into the garden, glad to escape from the
noise and confusion of the mighty town; and throwing myself on a seat
in one of the summer-houses, watched, almost mechanically, the rapid
river-boats puffing up and down the Thames, with their gay crowds of
holiday-makers covering the decks, the merry children romping over the
trim grass-plot, making the old place echo again with their joyous
ringing laughter. I must have been in a very desponding humour that
evening, for I continued sitting there unaffected by the mirth of the
glad little creatures around me, and I scarcely remember another
instance of my being proof against the infectious high spirits of
children. Time wore on, and the promenaders, one after the other, left
the garden, the steam-boats became less frequent, and gradually lights
began to twinkle from the bridges and the opposite shore. Still I
never once thought of removing from my seat, until I was requested to
do so by the person in charge of the grounds, who was now going round
to lock the gates for the night. Staring at the man for a moment half
unconsciously, as if suddenly awaked out of a dream, I muttered a few
words about having forgotten the lateness of the hour, and departed.
To shake off the depression under which I was labouring, I turned into
the brilliantly-lighted streets, thinking that the excitement would
distract my thoughts from their gloomy objects; and after walking for
some little time, I entered a coffee-house, at that period much
frequented by young lawyers. Here I ordered a cup of tea, and took up
a newspaper to read; but after vainly endeavouring to interest myself
in its pages, and feeling painfully affected by the noisy hilarity of
some gay young students in a neighbouring box, I drank off my sober
beverage, and walked home to my solitary chambers. Oh, how dreary they
appeared that night!--how desolate seemed the uncomfortable, dirty,
cold staircase, and that remarkable want of all sorts of conveniences,
for which the Temple has acquired so great a notoriety! In fine, I was
fairly hipped; and being convinced of the fact, smoked a pipe or
two--thought over old days and their vanished joys--and retired to
rest. I soon fell into a profound sleep, from which I arose in the
morning much refreshed; and sallying forth after breakfast with
greater alacrity than usual, took my seat in court, and was beginning
to grow interested in a somewhat intricate case which involved some
curious legal principles, when my attention was directed to an old
man, whom I had frequently seen there before, beckoning to me. I
immediately followed him out of court, when he turned round and said:
'I beg your pardon, Mr ----, for interrupting you, but I fancy you are
not very profitably engaged just now?'