"TELL ME AND I'LL TELL YOU."
"Papa has told me all about it," were Clarissa's first words as soon
as they were out of the gate on the road to Mrs. Brownlow's.
"All about what, Clary?"
"Oh you know;--or rather it was Patience told me, and then I asked
papa. I am so glad."
Mary had as yet hardly had time to think whether the coming of
this letter to her uncle would or would not be communicated to her
cousins; but had she thought, she would have been almost sure that
Sir Thomas would be more discreet. The whole matter was to her so
important, so secret, almost so solemn, that she could hardly imagine
that it should be discussed among the whole household. And yet she
felt a strong longing within herself to be able to talk of it to some
one. Of the two cousins Clary was certainly her favourite, and had
she been forced to consult any one, she would have consulted Clary.
But an absolute confidence in such a matter with a chosen friend,
the more delightful it might appear, was on that very account the
more difficult of attainment. It was an occasion for thought, for
doubt, and almost for dismay; and now Clary rushed into it as though
everything could be settled in a walk from Fulham to Parson's Green!
"It is very good of you to be glad, Clary," said the other,--hardly
knowing why she said this, and yet meaning it. If in truth Clary was
glad, it was good of her. For this man to whom Clary was alluding had
won from her own lover all his inheritance.
"I like him so much. You will let me talk about him; won't you?"
"Oh, yes," said Mary.
"Do; pray do. There are so many reasons why we should tell each other
everything." This elicited no promise from Mary. "If I thought that
you would care, I would tell you all."
"I care about everything that concerns you, Clary."
"But I didn't bring you out to talk about myself now. I want to tell
you how much I like your Ralph Newton."
"But he isn't mine."
"Yes he is;--at any rate, if you like to have him. And of course you
will like. Why should you not? He is everything that is nice and
good;--and now he is to be the owner of all the property. What I want
to tell you is this; I do not begrudge it to you."
Why should Clarissa begrudge or not begrudge the property? Mary
understood it all, but nothing had been said entitling her to speak
as though she understood it. "I don't think you would begrudge me
anything that you thought good for me," said Mary.
"And I think that Mr. Ralph Newton,--this Mr. Ralph Newton, is very
good for you. Nothing could be so good. In the first place would it
not be very nice to have you mistress of Newton Priory? Only that
shouldn't come properly first."
"And what should come first, Clary?"
"Oh,--of course that you should love him better than anything in the
world. And you do,--don't you?"
"It is too sudden to say that yet, Clary."
"But I am sure you will. Don't you feel that you will? Come, Mary,
you should tell me something."
"There is so little to tell."
"Then you are afraid of me. I wanted to tell you everything."
"I am not afraid of you. But, remember, it is hardly more than an
hour ago since I first heard of Mr. Newton's wishes, and up to that
moment nothing was further from my dreams."
"I was sure of it, ever so long ago," said Clarissa.
"Oh, Clary!"
"I was. I told Patience how it was to be. I saw it in his eyes. One
does see these things. I knew it would be so; and I told Patience
that we three would be three Mrs. Newtons. But that of course was
nonsense."
"Nonsense, indeed."
"I mean about Patience."
"And what about yourself, Clary?" Clarissa made no answer, and yet
she was burning to tell her own story. She was most anxious to tell
her own story, but only on the condition of reciprocal confidence.
The very nature of her story required that the confidence should be
reciprocal. "You said that you wanted to tell me everything," said
Mary.
"And so I do."
"You know how glad I shall be to hear."
"That is all very well, but,--" And then Clarissa paused.
"But what, dear?"
"You do mean to accept Mr. Newton?"
Now it was time for Mary to pause. "If I were to tell you my whole
heart," she said, "I should be ashamed of what I was saying; and yet
I do not know that there is any cause for shame."
"There can be none," said Clary. "I am sure of that."
"My acquaintance with Mr. Newton is very, very slight. I liked
him,--oh, so much. I thought him to be high-spirited, manly, and a
fine gentleman. I never saw any man who so much impressed me."
"Of course not," said Clarissa, making a gesture as though she
would stop on the high road and clasp her hands together, in which,
however, she was impeded by her parasol and her remembrance of her
present position.
"But it is so much to say that one will love a man better than all
the world, and go to him, and belong to him, and be his wife."
"Ah;--but if one does love him!"
"I can hardly believe that love can grow so quickly."
"Tell the truth, Mary; has it not grown?"
"Indeed I cannot say. There; you shall have the whole truth. When he
comes to me,--and I suppose he will come."
"There isn't much doubt of that."
"If he does come--"
"Well?"
"I hardly know what I shall say to him. I shall try to--to love him."
"Of course you will love him,--better than all the world."
"I know that he is paying me the greatest compliment that a man can
pay to a woman. And there is no earthly reason why I should not be
proud to accept all that he offers me. I have nothing of my own to
bestow in return."
"But you are so beautiful."
Mary would make no pretence of denying this. It was true that that
one great feminine possession did belong to her. "After all," she
said, "how little does beauty signify! It attracts, but it can make
no man happy. He has everything to give to a wife, and he ought to
have much in return for what he gives."
"You don't mean that a girl should refuse a rich man because she has
no fortune of her own?"
"No; not quite that. But she ought to think whether she can be of use
to him."
"Of course you will be of use, my dear;--of the greatest use in the
world. That's his affair, and he is the best judge of what will be of
use. You will love him, and other men will envy him, and that will be
everything. Oh dear, I do so hope he will come soon."
"And I,--I almost hope he will not. I shall be so afraid to see him.
The first meeting will be so awful. I shall not dare to look him in
the face."
"But it is all settled."
"No;--not settled, Clary."
"Yes; it is settled. And now I will tell you what I mean when I say I
do not begrudge him to you. That is--; I do not know whether you will
care to be told."
"I care very much, Clary. I should be very unhappy if you did
begrudge me anything."
"Of course you know that our Ralph Newton, as we call him, ought to
have been the heir."
"Oh, yes."
"I needn't explain it all; only,--only--"
"Only he is everything to you. Is it that, Clary?"
"Yes; it is that. He is everything to me. I love him--. Oh, yes, I do
love him! But, Mary, I am not such a happy girl as you are. Sometimes
I think he hardly cares for me."
"But he has asked you to care for him?"
"Well;--I don't know. I think he has. He has told me, I know, that he
loved me dearly,--better than any one."
"And what answer did you make to him, Clary?"
Clarissa had the whole scene on the lawn at Popham Villa so clearly
impressed upon her memory, that an eternity of years, as she thought,
could obliterate no one of its incidents and render doubtful no tone
of his voice, no word that her lover had spoken. His conduct had at
that time been so violent that she had answered him only with tears
and protestations of undying anger. But her tears had been dried,
and her anger had passed away;--while the love remained. Ralph, her
Ralph, of course knew well enough that the tears were dry and the
anger gone. She could understand that he would understand that. But
the love which he had protested, if it were real love, would remain.
And why should she doubt him? The very fact that he was so dear to
her, made such doubts almost disgraceful. And yet there was so much
cause for doubt. Patience doubted. She knew herself that she feared
more than she hoped. She had resolved gallantly that she would be
true to her own heart, even though by such truth she should be
preparing for herself a life of disappointment. She had admitted
the passion, and she would stand by it. In all her fears, too, she
consoled herself by the reflection that her lover was hindered,
not by want of earnestness or want of truth,--but by the state
of his affairs. While he was still in debt, striving to save his
inheritance, but tormented by the growing certainty that it must
pass away from him, how could he give himself up to love-making and
preparations for marriage? Clary made excuses for him which no one
else would have made, and so managed to feed her hopes. "I made him
no answer," she said at last.
"And yet you knew you loved him."
"Yes; I knew that. I can tell you, and I told Patience. But I could
not tell him." She paused a moment thinking whether she could
describe the whole scene; but she found that she could not do that.
"I shall tell him, perhaps, when he comes again; that is, if he does
come."
"If he loves you he will come."
"I don't know. He has all these troubles on him, and he will be very
poor;--what will seem to him to be very poor. It would not be poor
for me, but for him it would."
"Would that hinder him?"
"How can I say? There are so many things a girl cannot know. He
may still be in debt, and then he has been brought up to want so
much. But it will make no more difference in me. And now you will
understand why I should tell you that I will never begrudge you your
good fortune. If all should come right, you shall give us a little
cottage near your grand house, and you will not despise us." Poor
Clary, when she spoke of her possible future lord, and the little
cottage on the Newton demesne, hardly understood the feelings with
which a disinherited heir must regard the property which he has lost.
"Dear, dearest Clary," said Mary Bonner, pressing her cousin's arm.
They had now reached Mrs. Brownlow's house, and the old lady was
delighted to receive them. Of course she began to discuss at once the
great news. Sir Thomas had had his arm broken, and was now again a
member of Parliament. Mrs. Brownlow was a thorough-going Tory, and
was in an ecstasy of delight that her old friend should have been
successful. The success seemed to be so much the greater in that the
hero had suffered a broken bone. And then there were many questions
to be asked? Would Sir Thomas again be Solicitor-General by right
of his seat in Parliament?--for on such matters Mrs. Brownlow was
rather hazy in her conceptions as to the working of the British
Constitution. And would he live at home? Clarissa would not say that
she and Patience expected such a result. All that she could suggest
of comfort on this matter was that there would be now something of
a fair cause for excusing their father's residence at his London
chambers.
But there was a subject more enticing to the old lady even than
Sir Thomas's triumphs; a subject as to which there could not be
any triumph,--only dismay; but not, on that account, the less
interesting. Ralph Newton had sold his inheritance. "I believe it is
all settled," said Clarissa, demurely.
"Dear, dear, dear, dear!" groaned the old lady. And while she groaned
Clarissa furtively cast a smile upon her cousin. "It is the saddest
thing I ever knew," said Mrs. Brownlow. "And, after all, for a young
man who never can be anybody, you know."
"Oh yes," said Clarissa, "he can be somebody."
"You know what I mean, my dear. I think it very shocking, and very
wrong. Such a fine estate, too!"
"We all like Mr. Newton very much indeed," said Clarissa. "Papa
thinks he is a most charming young man. I never knew papa taken with
any one so much. And so do we all,--Patience and I,--and Mary."
"But, my dear," began Mrs. Brownlow,--Mrs. Brownlow had always
thought that Ralph the heir would ultimately marry Clarissa
Underwood, and that it was a manifest duty on his part to do so. She
had fancied that Clarissa had expected it herself, and had believed
that all the Underwoods would be broken-hearted at this transfer
of the estate. "I don't think it can be right," said Mrs. Brownlow;
"and I must say that it seems to me that old Mr. Newton ought to be
ashamed of himself. Just because this young man happens to be, in a
sort of a way, his own son, he is going to destroy the whole family.
I think that it is very wicked." But she had not a word of censure
for the heir who had consumed his mess of pottage.
"Wasn't she grand?" said Clary, as soon as they were out again upon
the road. "She is such a dear old woman, but she doesn't understand
anything. I couldn't help giving you a look when she was abusing
our friend. When she knows it all, she'll have to make you such an
apology."
"I hope she will not do that."
"She will if she does not forget all about it. She does forget
things. There is one thing I don't agree with her in at all. I don't
see any shame in your Ralph having the property; and, as to his being
nobody, that is all nonsense. He would be somebody, wherever he went,
if he had not an acre of property. He will be Mr. Newton, of Newton
Priory, just as much as anybody else could be. He has never done
anything wrong." To all which Mary Bonner had very little to say. She
certainly was not prepared to blame the present Squire for having so
managed his affairs as to be able to leave the estate to his own son.
The two girls were very energetic, and walked back the whole way to
Popham Villa, regardless of a dozen omnibuses that passed them. "I
told her all about our Ralph,--my Ralph,"--said Clary to her sister
afterward. "I could not help telling her now."
"Dear Clary," said Patience, "I wish you could help thinking of it
always."
"That's quite impossible," said Clarissa, cheerily.