BIRTH FORMULAE. (CHAPTER XVII. OF EREWHON.)

I heard what follows not from Arowhena, but from Mr. Nosnibor and some of

the gentlemen who occasionally dined at the house: they told me that the

Erewhonians believe in pre-existence; and not only this (of which I will

write more fully in the next chapter), but they believe that it is of

their own free act and deed in a previous state that people come to be

born into this world at all.

They hold that the unborn are perpetually plaguing and tormenting the

married (and sometimes even the unmarried) of both sexes, fluttering

about them incessantly, and giving them no peace either of mind or body

until they have consented to take them under their protection. If this

were not so--this is at least what they urge--it would be a monstrous

freedom for one man to take with another, to say that he should undergo

the chances and changes of this mortal life without any option in the

matter. No man would have any right to get married at all, inasmuch as

he can never tell what misery his doing so may entail forcibly upon his

children who cannot be unhappy as long as they remain unborn. They feel

this so strongly that they are resolved to shift the blame on to other

shoulders; they have therefore invented a long mythology as to the world

in which the unborn people live, what they do, and the arts and

machinations to which they have recourse in order to get themselves into

our own world.

I cannot think they seriously believe in this mythology concerning pre-

existence; they do and they do not; they do not know themselves what they

believe; all they know is that it is a disease not to believe as they do.

The only thing of which they are quite sure is that it is the pestering

of the unborn, which causes them to be brought into this world, and that

they would not be here if they would only let peaceable people alone.

It would be hard to disprove this position, and they might have a good

case if they would only leave it as it stands. But this they will not

do; they must have assurance doubly sure; they must have the written word

of the child itself as soon as it is born, giving the parents indemnity

from all responsibility on the score of its birth, and asserting its own

pre-existence. They have therefore devised something which they call a

birth formula--a document which varies in words according to the caution

of parents, but is much the same practically in all cases; for it has

been the business of the Erewhonian lawyers during many ages to exercise

their skill in perfecting it and providing for every contingency.

These formulae are printed on common paper at a moderate cost for the

poor; but the rich have them written on parchment and handsomely bound,

so that the getting up of a person's birth formula is a test of his

social position. They commence by setting forth, That whereas A. B. was

a member of the kingdom of the unborn, where he was well provided for in

every way, and had no cause of discontent, &c. &c., he did of his own

wanton restlessness conceive a desire to enter into this present world;

that thereon having taken the necessary steps as set forth in laws of the

unborn kingdom, he set himself with malice aforethought to plague and

pester two unfortunate people who had never wronged him, and who were

quite contented until he conceived this base design against their peace;

for which wrong he now humbly entreats their pardon. He acknowledges

that he is responsible for all physical blemishes and deficiencies which

may render him answerable to the laws of his country; that his parents

have nothing whatever to do with any of these things; and that they have

a right to kill him at once if they be so minded, though he entreats them

to show their marvellous goodness and clemency towards him by sparing his

life. If they will do this he promises to be their most abject creature

during his earlier years, and indeed unto his life's end, unless they

should see fit in their abundant generosity to remit some portion of his

service hereafter. And so the formula continues, going sometimes into

very minute details, according to the fancies of family lawyers, who will

not make it any shorter than they can help.

The deed being thus prepared, on the third or fourth day after the birth

of the child, or as they call it, the "final importunity," the friends

gather together, and there is a feast held, where they are all very

melancholy--as a general rule, I believe quite truly so--and make

presents to the father and mother of the child in order to console them

for the injury which has just been done them by the unborn. By and by

the child himself is brought down by his nurse, and the company begin to

rail upon him, upbraiding him for his impertinence and asking him what

amends he proposes to make for the wrong that he has committed, and how

he can look for care and nourishment from those who have perhaps already

been injured by the unborn on some ten or twelve occasions; for they say

of people with large families, that they have suffered terrible injuries

from the unborn; till at last, when this has been carried far enough,

some one suggests the formula, which is brought forth and solemnly read

to the child by the family straightener. This gentleman is always

invited on these occasions, for the very fact of intrusion into a

peaceful family shows a depravity on the part of the child which requires

his professional services.

On being teased by the reading and tweaked by the nurse, the child will

commonly fall a-crying, which is reckoned a good sign as showing a

consciousness of guilt. He is thereon asked, Does he assent to the

formula? on which, as he still continues crying and can obviously make no

answer, some one of the friends comes forward and undertakes to sign the

document on his behalf, feeling sure (so he says) that the child would do

it if he only knew how, and that he will release the present signer from

his engagement on arriving at maturity. The friend then inscribes the

signature of the child at the foot of the parchment, which is held to

bind the child as much as though he had signed it himself. Even this,

however, does not fully content them, for they feel a little uneasy until

they have got the child's own signature after all. So when he is about

fourteen these good people partly bribe him by promises of greater

liberty and good things, and partly intimidate him through their great

power of making themselves passively unpleasant to him, so that though

there is a show of freedom made, there is really none, and partly they

use the offices of the teachers in the Colleges of Unreason, till at

last, in one way or another, they take very good care that he shall sign

the paper by which he professes to have been a free agent in coming into

the world, and to take all the responsibility of having done so on to his

own shoulders. And yet, though this document is in theory the most

important which any one can sign in his whole life, they will have him

commit himself to it at an age when neither they nor the law will for

many a year allow any one else to bind him to the smallest obligation, no

matter how righteously he may owe it, because they hold him too young to

know what he is about.

I thought this seemed rather hard, and not of a piece with the many

admirable institutions existing among them. I once ventured to say a

part of what I thought about it to one of the Professors of Unreason. I

asked him whether he did not think it would do serious harm to a lad's

principles, and weaken his sense of the sanctity of his word, and of

truth generally, that he should be led into entering upon an engagement

which it was so plainly impossible he should keep even for a single day

with tolerable integrity--whether, in fact, the teachers who so led him,

or who taught anything as a certainty of which they were themselves

uncertain, were not earning their living by impairing the truth-sense of

their pupils. The professor, who was a delightful person, seemed

surprised at the view I took, and gave me to understand, perhaps justly

enough, that I ought not to make so much fuss about a trifle. No one, he

said, expected that the boy either would or could do all that he

undertook; but the world was full of compromises; and there was hardly

any engagement which would bear being interpreted literally. Human

language was too gross a vehicle of thought--thought being incapable of

absolute translation. He added, that as there can be no translation from

one language into another which shall not scant the meaning somewhat, or

enlarge upon it, so there is no language which can render thought without

a jarring and a harshness somewhere--and so forth; all of which seemed to

come to this in the end, that it was the custom of the country, and that

the Erewhonians were a conservative people; that the boy would have to

begin compromising sooner or later, and this was part of his education in

the art. It was perhaps to be regretted that compromise should be as

necessary as it was; still it was necessary, and the sooner the boy got

to understand it the better for himself. But they never tell this to the

boy.

From the book of their mythology about the unborn I made the extracts

which will form the following chapter.

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