I started for the meetin house, and I'm afraid I tried to walk
too strate, for I cum very near fallin over backards; and in
attemptin to recover myself, my sword got mixed up with my
legs, and I fell in among a choice collection of young ladies,
who was standin near the church door a-seein the sojer boys
come up. My cockt hat fell off, and sumhow my coat tales got
twisted round my neck. The young ladies put their
handkerchers to their mouths and remarked: "Te he," while my
ancient female single friend, Sary Peasley, bust out in a loud
larf. She exercised her mouth so vilently that her new false
teeth fell out onto the ground.
"Miss Peaseley," sed I, gittin up and dustin myself, "you must
be more careful with them store teeth of your'n or you'll have
to gum it agin!"
Methinks I had her.
I'd bin to work hard all the week, and I felt rather snoozy.
I'm 'fraid I did git half asleep, for on hearin the minister
ask, "Why was man made to mourn?" I sed, "I giv it up," havin
a vague idee that it was a condrum. It was a onfortnit
remark, for the whole meetin house lookt at me with mingled
surprise and indignation. I was about risin to a pint of
order, when it suddenly occurd to me whare I was, and I kept
my seat, blushin like the red, red rose--so to speak.
The next mornin I 'rose with the lark (N.B.--I don't sleep
with the lark, tho.' A goak).
My little dawter was execootin ballids, accompanyin herself
with the Akordeon, and she wisht me to linger and hear her
sing: "Hark I hear a angel singin, a angel now is onto the
wing."
"Let him fly, my child!" sed I, a-bucklin on my armer; "I must
forth to my Biz."
We air progressin pretty well with our drill. As all air
commandin offissers, there ain't no jelusy, and as we air all
exceedin smart, it t'aint worth while to try to outstrip each
other. The idee of a company composed excloosively of
Commanders-in-Chiefs, orriggernated, I spose I skurcely need
say, in these Brane. Considered AS a idee, I flatter myself
it is putty hefty. We've got all the tackticks at our tongs'
ends, but what we particly excel in is restin muskits. We can
rest muskits with anybody.
Our corpse will do its dooty. We go to the aid of Columby--we
fight for the stars!
We'll be chopt into sassige meat before we'll exhibit our
cote-tales to the foe.
We'll fight till there's nothin left of us but our little toes
and even they shall defiantly wiggle!
"Ever of thee,"
A. Ward.