As soon as I'd recooperated my physikil system, I went over
into the village. The peasantry was glad to see me. The
skoolmaster sed it was cheerin to see that gigantic intelleck
among 'em onct more. That's what he called me. I like the
skoolmaster, and allers send him tobacker when I'm off on a
travelin campane. Besides, he is a very sensible man. Such
men must be encouraged.
They don't git news very fast in Baldinsville, as nothin but a
plank road runs in there twice a week, and that's very much
out of repair. So my nabers wasn't much posted up in regard
to the wars. 'Squire Baxter sed he'd voted the dimicratic
ticket for goin on forty year, and the war was a dam black
republican lie. Jo. Stackpole, who kills hogs for the Squire,
and has got a powerful muscle into his arms, sed he'd bet 5
dollars he could lick the Crisis in a fair stand-up fight, if
he wouldn't draw a knife on him. So it went--sum was for war,
and sum was for peace. The skoolmaster, however, sed the
Slave Oligarky must cower at the feet of the North ere a year
had flowed by, or pass over his dead corpse. "Esto perpetua!"
he added! "And sine qua non also!" sed I, sternly, wishing to
make a impression onto the villagers. "Requiescat in pace!"
sed the skoolmaster, "Too troo, too troo!" I anserd, "it's a
scanderlus fact!"
The newspapers got along at last, chock full of war, and the
patriotic fever fairly bust out in Baldinsville. 'Squire
Baxter sed he didn't b'lieve in Coercion, not one of 'em, and
could prove by a file of "Eagles of Liberty" in his garrit,
that it was all a Whig lie, got up to raise the price of
whisky and destroy our other liberties. But the old 'Squire
got putty riley, when he heard how the rebels was cuttin up,
and he sed he reckoned he should skour up his old muskit and
do a little square fitin for the Old Flag, which had allers
bin on the ticket HE'D voted, and he was too old to Bolt now.
The 'Squire is all right at heart, but it takes longer for him
to fill his venerable Biler with steam than it used to when he
was young and frisky. As I previously informed you, I am
Captin of the Baldinsville Company. I riz gradooally but
majestically from drummer's Secretary to my present position.
But I found the ranks wasn't full by no means, and commenced
for to recroot. Havin notist a gineral desire on the part of
young men who are into the crisis to wear eppylits, I
detarmined to have my company composed excloosviely of
offissers, everybody to rank as Brigadeer-Ginral. The
follerin was among the varis questions which I put to
recroots:
Do you know a masked battery from a hunk of gingerbread?
Do you know a eppylit from a piece of chalk?
If I trust you with a real gun, how many men of your own
company do you speck you can manage to kill durin the war?
Hav you ever heard of Ginral Price of Missouri, and can you
avoid simler accidents in case of a battle?
Have you ever had the measles, and if so, how many?
How air you now?
Show me your tongue, &c., &c. Sum of the questions was
sarcusstical.
The company filled up rapid, and last Sunday we went to the
meetin house in full uniform. I had a seris time gittin into
my military harness, as it was bilt for me many years ago; but
I finally got inside of it, tho' it fitted me putty clost.
Howsever, onct into it, I lookt fine--in fact, aw-inspirin.
"Do you know me, Mrs. Ward?" sed I, walking into the kitchin.
"Know you, you old fool? Of course I do."