An Irish mother who had occasion to reprove her eldest son exclaimed, “I
just wish that your father was at home some evening to see how you behave
yourself when he is out!”
* * * * *
“Good mornin’ to ye, Mrs. Cassidy. An’ is the likely lookin’ young feller
in yer third floor front a mimber of the church?”
“Naw, Mrs. Haggerty, I’m sorry to say he ain’t. He’s just an unconfirmed
roomer.”
* * * * *
Pat—“An’ what did your ould woman say whin ye come in at three o’clock
this mornin’?”
Mike—“Sure, the darlin’ soul never said a worrud. An I was goin’ to have
thim two front teeth pulled out anyway.”
* * * * *
Pat (going to battle): Why are you carrying that comb?
Mike: Sur’in fate, ’tis the easiest one to part with.
* * * * *
Mrs. Murphy:—“Did yez hear of the awful fright Harry got on his weddin’
day?”
Her Husband:—“Shure, and don’t Oi know it, wasn’t Oi there—and didn’t Oi
see her.”
* * * * *
“This is the fourth morning you’ve been late, Bridget,” said the mistress
to her maid.
“Shure, Ma’am,” replied Bridget, “I over-slept meself.”
“Where is the clock I gave you?”
“In my room ma’am.”
“And do you set the alarm?”
“Every night.”
“But don’t you hear the alarm in the morning, Bridget?”
“No ma’am, thot’s the trouble you see the thing goes off while I’m
asleep.”
* * * * *
Terence:—I see where Mike has married the widow, Elizabeth.
Foley:—Shure, an’ she has two children, already.
Maggie:—The lucky divil is what I say.
Terence:—How so? Lucky is it?
Maggie:—Shure, an’ by marryin’ her he has a second-hand Lizzie and two
runabouts.
* * * * *
Mrs. Muldoon—“Do your dauter, Mary Ann, take music lessons?”
Mrs. Mulcahy—“Yis; she took lessons on a phonygraph and she broke the
record.”
* * * * *