"... IT'S A BARGAIN"
A warning of the thing to sweep the country shortly was evidenced when
the moustachioed elephant Rubin came lumbering through the water in the
New York Harbor. People from miles around who got wind of the news (he
was a very smelly elephant) rushed to the docks to watch, or climb to
the tops of buildings with binoculars. And when Rubin climbed ashore on
Ellis Island, the city was thrown into a panic.
It seems that Cassius began conferring at once with two of the
immigration officers about entrance into the country. This was flatly
refused by the officials, who cited a weak clause in the handbook which
excluded all uncivilized beings; and anyone could see that Cassius
was uncivilized,--whoever heard of wearing lavender earmuffs with an
English tweed?
When his traveling companions heard this, they were all for hurling the
immigration officers head first into ye olde New Yawk Harbor.
Right about there is where I came in. Yeah, good old Charlie Smirtz,
that's me. I had been waiting on the Island for a shipload of animals
from Africa and being a producer of some reknown, saw the latent
possibilities in the appearance of these, and I use the term loosely,
people. I had just finished a show on Broadway that had run three years
and was just getting together an animal circus to tour the country. But
when I saw this Aardvark in an English Tweed with a top hat, tie, and
ivory-topped cane, a moustached elephant wearing a muffler, and two
of the most gawjus dames in the world, I knew that this was something
a little unusual. I was sure of it when I saw that the Aardvark was
wearing lavender earmuffs.
Sauntering casually over to where the Aardvark and his companions
were sitting, I introduced myself, and in a low voice related to them
the fact that if they would consent to signing a contract, I would
personally see that they were inside the country before morning. The
Aardvark gives me the cold eye at first and then says, "If you promise,
and write it out in this contract that we are not to appear in any
sideshow type things, we might consent."
Before the fellow could twitch his short brown tail, I had pulled out
my Foster pen that writes under water, air, ink, blood, and money, and
was writing in the clause he mentioned. Then he signed the contract,
and so commenced the partnership of Smirtz, Aardvark, Schwartz, and
Rubin, Inc.