7. _Harramba_, those whose Eyes occupy the Space of the whole Forehead.

8. _Skadolki_, those who have only one Eye in the hinder Part of the

Head.

The most numerous, and of course the most powerful Tribe, is that of

the _Nagiri_, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently

all Objects appear long. From this Tribe are taken the Senators, the

Priests, and all such as bear Office in the State. These sit at the

Helm, nor do they admit any one from another Tribe to a Post in the

Government, unless he shall first confess, and confirm his Confession

with an Oath, that a certain Tablet, dedicated to the Sun, and plac’d

in the most conspicuous Part of the Temple, appears to him to be

long. This sacred Tablet of the Sun is the principal Object of the

_Mardakanian_ Worship. Hence the honester Part of the Citizens, who

start at Perjury, are excluded from all publick Honours, and what

is worse, are expos’d to a thousand Sneers, Railleries, and even

Persecutions; and tho’ they over and over protest, that they cannot

disbelieve their Eyes, they are still complain’d of, and what is only a

Fault of Nature, is imputed to their Obstinacy and Malice.

The Form of the Oath, which all, who are admitted to publick

Employments and Honours, are forc’d to subscribe to, is this,

_Kaka manasca quihompu miriac Facku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia Manascar

quebriac Krusundora._

That is, I _A. B._ do swear, that the sacred Tablet of the Sun appears

to me to be long, and I promise that I will persist in this Opinion to

my last Breath.

After this Oath, they are declar’d fit for the Service of the State,

and are incorporated into the Tribe of the _Nagiri_.

The Day after my Arrival, as I was sauntring in the Market-Place, I

beheld an old Man, whom they were hurrying away to be scourg’d. A large

Croud of _Cypresses_ follow’d him, with Scoffs and Revilings. Upon my

inquiring the Cause, I was inform’d, that he was a Heretick, who openly

taught, that the Tablet of the Sun seem’d to him to be square; and in

that diabolical Opinion he had obstinately persisted, after repeated

Admonitions.

This rous’d my Curiosity to go to the Temple, and try whether I had

orthodox Eyes or no. I examin’d the aforesaid Tablet with all the Eyes

I had, and really it appear’d square to me. This I ingenuously told my

Host, who at that Time had the Post of Ædile. With that he fetch’d a

deep Sigh, and confess’d to me, that it appear’d square to him too, but

that he dare not say so publickly, for fear of being dispossess’d of

his Employment by the governing Tribe.

All pale and trembling I left this execrable City, fearing lest my

Back must expiate the Crime of my Eyes, or lest branded with the Title

of Heretick, I should be sent with Ignominy out of their Dominions.

In Truth, no Institution ever appear’d more horrid, barbarous, and

unjust, than this, where Hypocrisies and Perjuries alone are the

Avenues to Preferment. And when I return’d to the _Potuans_, I took

every Opportunity to express my Indignation against that detestable

Race of People. But while I was in one of my angry Moods, and venting

my Spleen according to Custom, a certain Juniper Tree, with whom I had

liv’d in a good Degree of Intimacy, made me this Answer: “It is true,

says he, that the Conduct of the _Nagiri_ will always appear absurd

and iniquitous to the _Potuans_; but to you it should not seem at all

strange, that this Diversity of Eyes should cause such Cruelties,

because you have formerly assur’d me, that in most of the _European_

Dominions there are governing Tribes, which fall upon the rest with

Fire and Sword, upon Account of some Defect, not of their Eyes indeed,

but of their Reason; and you yourself extoll’d such a Proceeding as a

pious Act, and of Advantage to the Government.” I presently understood

the Drift of this Observation, and blusht for Shame. I left him soon,

and was ever after a stanch Advocate for Toleration, and entertain’d

milder Sentiments of People under Error.

_Kimal_, the next Principality, is accounted the most potent, by reason

of its immense Wealth. For besides the Silver Mines, which are there in

great Abundance, vast Quantities of Gold are gather’d from among the

Sands of their Rivers. Their Seas too afford the most costly Pearls.

And yet upon a due Examination of this Country, I could discover, that

Happiness did not consist in Wealth alone. For as many Inhabitants,

so many Divers and Diggers there were, who, bent upon Gain, seem’d

condemn’d to perpetual Slavery, and such a Slavery as one would think

was fit only for Criminals. Those who are rich enough to be exempted

from these Toils, are oblig’d to keep constant Watch. The whole Country

is so infested with Thieves and Robbers, that it is not safe to go

without a Guard.

_Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem,

Perfidiam, fraudes, atq; omni ex crimine lucrum.

Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus,

Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.

Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos;

Victa jacet pietas, & virgo cæde madentes

Ultima cœlestum terras Astræa reliquit._

Hence this Nation, beheld with envious Eyes by their Neighbours,

drew Pity from me more than Envy. Fear, Jealousy, Suspicion, and

Distrust, reign in every Mind, and each looks upon his Neighbour as a

designing Enemy. So that endless Solicitude, wasting Cares, and pallid

Complexions, are the Fruits of the boasted Felicity of this Province.

It was not without Anxiety I travell’d over this Region; for in every

Road, and upon every Frontier, I was oblig’d to give an Account of my

Business, Name, and Country, to the Guards and Examiners, and I found

myself expos’d to all those Vexations which Travellers experience in

Countries that are jealous of Strangers. There is a Volcano, or burning

Mountain, in this Province, from whence ascend perpetual Whirlwinds of

Fire.

After having run over this Principality, and that with more Trouble

than I experienc’d throughout my whole Journey, I pursued my

Course full East. I every where found the Inhabitants sociable and

well-behav’d, but extremely paradoxical. The Natives of the little

Kingdom of _Quamboia_ surpriz’d me most. There the Order of Nature is

inverted. The more the Natives advance in Years, the more wanton and

voluptuous they grow; and Age produces such fantastic Vices, and such

lascivious Freaks, as Youth alone, in every other Place, is guilty of.

Here none are intrusted with the Cares of State, unless they are under

forty Years of Age. When they exceed this Term, they are too giddy for

Business, like Children,

_Quos dura premit custodia matrum_.

I saw here the Aged frisking and gamboling in the Streets like Boys,

and spending their Time in puerile Diversions. They did, as the Poet

says,

_Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures,

Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa_.

While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them,

and sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old

decrepit Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d

he was some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than

President of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in

the weaker Sex. Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old

Lady, all were of Opinion he must undergo the Fate of _Actæon_; which

is diametrically opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man

has a Mind for a young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of

that Sort. Once I remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel.

Amaz’d to find such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of

this Duel, and was told, that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they

had met with at one of their Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them

both. They who told me this, added, that if the Governors of these two

old Sinners were to know of their Difference, their Backs would be sure

to smart for it. The same Evening a Report flew about, that a certain

venerable Matron had hang’d herself for Despair, because she had met

with a Repulse from a young _Beech_ she was enamour’d of.

This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the

Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship,

it is enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted

to any one, unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts

are deem’d ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless

such Contracts are sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter

concerning Subordination, there is this Injunction, _Let the Aged of

both Sexes be obedient to their Children_. Every Person in Office is

always dismiss’d before he arrives to the Age of Forty.

——_Interdicto huic omne adimat jus

Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos._

I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where

if I had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been

oblig’d by Law to become a Child again.

In the Province of _Cocklecu_ there is a very perverse Custom, and such

as would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed

inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws.

The Natives are all _Junipers_ of both Sexes: But the Males alone

perform the Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In

Time of War indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the

Rank of common Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very

highest military Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the

other Hand, are in Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred,

civil, or military. I had lately derided the _Potuans_ for observing

no Difference of Sex in the Distribution of publick Offices: But that

was nothing to the Phrenzy of this People. I could not conceive the

Meaning of so much Indolence in the Males, who, tho’ of far superior

Strength of Body, could yet so tamely submit to such a Yoke, and for

Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For it would have been very

easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from so shameful a Tyranny.

But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them, that none ever thought

of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly believ’d it was

Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be lodg’d in Female

Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to spin, to

weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from their

Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom, were

these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of

Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more

laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going

into a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House,

with a Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time

find her Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed,

whatever House I went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I

was still conducted into the Kitchin.

_Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter;

Vox dominæ fremit instantis virgamque tenentis._

Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other

Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for

Hire, so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire

some House of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a

Writing over it, or some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive

this wicked Trade with too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a

Manner, they are had to Prison, and whipt like our Street-Walkers.

On the other Hand, the Matrons and Virgins here, without the least

Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at the young Fellows, nod,

whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve, importune them, write

Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their Conquests, and reckon up

their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the _fine Gentlemen_ of

our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it is no Crime

for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents to the

Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as

knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons.

There was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble

Youth, the Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I

heard, that it was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth,

that a Suit would be commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the

next Consistory Court she would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by

Marriage, since it could be indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person

of an innocent Life and Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not

the Courage openly to condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving

the City, I told several, that these Junipers acted in downright

Contradiction to Nature, since from the universal Voice and Consent

of Nations it was evident, that the Males alone were form’d for all

the arduous and important Affairs of Life. To this they reply’d, that

I confounded Custom with Nature, since the Weakness we impute to the

Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education. This is clear, from the

Form of Government establish’d at _Cocklecu_, where in that Sex you

find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which the masculine

Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the _Cocklecuanian_

Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men, on the

contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing

absurd is related, the common Saying is, _That’s a manly Trifle_.

Again, when any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is,

_We must make Allowances for manly Weakness_. Notwithstanding this,

I could not acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d

of the Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I

conceiv’d against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an

unfortunate Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as

in its proper Place shall be related.

Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the

Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite

Beauty. They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept

for her private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was

much commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and

hurry’d away with all imaginable Haste.

——_Pedibus metus addidit alas._

From this Place I proceeded to the _Philosophical_ Region, so styl’d

from the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound

Speculations of Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country,

which I fancy’d must be the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of

the Muses. Instead of vulgar Fields and Meadows, I expected to find

one continued lovely Garden; and in this Imagination I hasten’d my

Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes as they flew. However, the

Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with every now and then a

Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was forc’d to go thro’ a

Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs, where for want of

Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary Limbs after

me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against these

Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While

for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met

a Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to _Mascattia_, or the

_Philosophical_ Province. He reply’d, _I ought rather to ask him, how

much there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart

of the Place_. Amaz’d at this Answer, _How is it possible_, said I,

_that a Land inhabited only by Philosophers should appear rather

like the Haunts of savage Beasts, than like a cultivated Country_? He

return’d, _That in a little Time Things would have a better Face, as

soon as ever the Natives could get Time to think upon such Trifles. At

this present, says he, we are all solely intent upon an extraordinary

Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to the Sun; that therefore

it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it being impossible

to do two Things at once._ I presently understood the Drift of this

cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last

arriv’d at the Metropolitan City _Caska_. In and about the Gates,

instead of Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon

the Walls Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine

indifferently walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from

the other but by Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and

Nastiness. The Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what

the Colour was, I could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was

one quite bury’d in Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting

him, _Pray, Sir_, says I, _what may be the Name of this City?_ At this

he paus’d, and for a Time continued as immoveable as if he had no

Life in him; at last, says he, turning his Eyes upwards, _’Tis almost

Noon_. An Answer so foreign to the Purpose, was a Demonstration of

great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d me, that it was better to study

sparingly, than to run mad with too much Learning. I proceeded directly

to the Center of the City, to see, if beside Philosophers, I could

have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable Creature. The _Forum_

of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d with Statues and

Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon one of them,

and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm and moist.

Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower proceeded, I saw

a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d in profound

Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are us’d

for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront,

especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake,

only laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d

at this, he fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round

the _Forum_. But when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his

Wrath, I endeavour’d to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and

Vigour; and I believe, with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and

Disbursements might be pretty equal on both Sides. At length, after a

long Contest, we both fell upon the Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud

of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts, and with inexpressible Fury

fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and then once more dragg’d

me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that I was just upon the

Point of giving up the Ghost. At last, rather tir’d than satiated,

they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House, where

when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I would

not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck, and

tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat

upon the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost

Confusion, and not unlike the Disorder People are in at _Lady-Day_ or

_Michaelmas_, when they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these

wise Men to put an End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be

mov’d to Pity and Compassion, representing to them how little for the

Honour of Philosophy it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and

give a Loose to those very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim

against. But I preach’d to the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who

had so plentifully water’d my Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and

redoubled his Blows upon me, like a Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing

but my Death could stop his Fury. This plainly taught me, that no Anger

equals a philosophical Anger; and that they who can talk so well upon

the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as any.

——_Nec enim minor ira rebullit

Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas._

At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes

spoke them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar,

and seem’d to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart,

they remov’d me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these

Barbarians, and at last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the

Cause of all this Tumult, and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at

so pleasant an Accident, telling me, that it was a common Thing for

the Philosophers to make Water against the Statues, and that probably

my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in Meditation, had mistook me for a

Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that that Person was an Astronomer

of great Eminence, and that my other Persecutors were Professors of

Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this with Pleasure, believing

myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing alarm’d me mightily,

and that was the great Attention with which they survey’d my Form.

Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my Manner of Life, my

Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with the Whispers that

ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what Horror invaded

my Soul, when they conducted me into an AnatomyChamber, where there

was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases upon the Floor, that gave

a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was fallen into a Den of

Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments which hung upon

the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my Host must be a

Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in this Place,

when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane, and eying

me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh. Upon

my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending

Fate drew those Sighs from her; _That I was indeed fallen into very

honest Hands, for my Husband_, continues she, _is Lord of this Island,

being publick Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the

others you saw are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary

Make of your Body, they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery

of it, and to make a Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light

to Anatomy_. This Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and

setting up a horrible Cry, _Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them

honest Men, who make no Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent

Person?_ To which she answered, _I say again you are fallen into the

Hands of honest Men, who will do nothing with a bad Design, and have

resolv’d upon this Operation for the sole Illustration of the Science

of Anatomy_. _Alas!_ said I, _I had rather fall into the Hands of

Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make my Escape, than

be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen_; and immediately throwing

myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a Flood of Tears, I

implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her Intercession

would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty, which

was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death

by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and

leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the

City. Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d

to express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she

presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till

she saw me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we

walk’d together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the

State of the Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at

length she made a Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to

my Ears, and I conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some

Things of me which were _morally impossible_. For she told me with

the greatest Concern, that in this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies

was extremely hard, for that their philosophick Husbands, immers’d in

Learning, neglected conjugal Duties. _For my Part, I protest_, says

she, with an Oath, _we should all be very wretched, if now and then

a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not administer Comfort to

us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a Remedy to them_. I

pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended my Pace. But this

Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,

_Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram,

Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis_,

she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace,

till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop

me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the

Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One

may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I

could hear her pronounce, namely, _Kaki spalaki_, that is, _ungrateful

Dog_. I digested this Affront with a _Spartan_ Nobleness of Mind, and

was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of

Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.

The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of _Nakir_; the Capital of

which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of

this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries

adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less

philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a

Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met,

whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases

and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of

_Nakir_ were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service

unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought

this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their

Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and

observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at

which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand

Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath

the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I

came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of _Nakir_, he

congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were

a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller

pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all

corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest

Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with

a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, _Take

Care_, says he, _of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially

of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you_.

That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since

experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.

I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish

Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which

Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into _the Land

of Reason_. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the

highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently

observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret

Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing

Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the

other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the

several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time

my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the

City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they

were all _Logicians_ to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of

Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all

he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and

the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could

not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely

happy Country, where every Member is a _Cato_. But when I had more

accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business

went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d

for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in

the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious

Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means

and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best

and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate,

must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such

an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically

lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he,

is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and

the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks

of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise,

because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have

it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed,

have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some

must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States

effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure

only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require

the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with

the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles,

with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most

hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know

that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and

Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious

Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to

undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in

History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that

this Mode of Seech, for Instance, +Dying in earnest, and living in

a History+, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere

Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor

understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only

from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at

least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools.

Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or

none at all, are alike injurious.”

I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name

of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated

his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear

blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a

pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such

a Sort of _Ferment_ as might be of Use to a State labouring under the

Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion,

when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in

their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring

Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of

Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that

subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World,

namely, _That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at

least half the Members should be Fools_. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim

should remain undiscover’d by the _worthy Spirits_ of our Age. But

possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have

it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are

great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City

with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly _Ferment_.

Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several

Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable

in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the

Planet _Nazar_. But arriving at the Province of _Cabac_, fresh Wonders

offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility.

Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They

speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of

this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult

Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are

admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain,

the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the

like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads.

Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence

of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their

Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For

Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d

in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to

fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of

others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born

without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For

tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature,

yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing

than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had

no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is

evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This

City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an

University, and several noble Temples.

_Cambara_ and _Spelek_ are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all

Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond

the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four

hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers,

and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own

that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you

think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I

envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both,

I found my Error. In _Cambara_ every one, within a few Months after

their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One

Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d

for Death. Not _Plato_’s self could have imagin’d a more charming

Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly

convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death,

and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine

every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his

present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure,

which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be

the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of

Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are,

who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a

Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest

Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were

better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d

to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The

present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.

_Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:

In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque._

There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those

who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d

in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most

piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid

violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to

the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me

Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very

philosophical Reflexions.

I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead

to _Spalank_, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d

from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all

Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are

subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all

Vices.

_Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;

Pœna metusque aberant, &c._

Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually

they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and

Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all

which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and

banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting,

which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from

Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the

Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of

Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of

which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy,

so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy

Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House,

no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of

them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices,

they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things,

which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues,

and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here

to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I

stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and

whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting,

that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious

Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts,

Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul,

I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one

Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It

swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman

seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb

he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith

abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must

have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture

wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a

Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge,

like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I

thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be

his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a

Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really

some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears

hence, with what little Reason we dislike that _calm_ Philosophy of

some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d,

who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and

whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness.

It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the

Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage,

Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion.

For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and

that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are

celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity,

if beheld with a philosophical Eye.

I left this Place, and arriv’d at _Kiliac_, where the Inhabitants are

born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the

exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must

be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death

could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last

Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to

the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout

and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to

think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads

hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting

the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting

with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the

general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of

their Death.

Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of

which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of

_Askarac_. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As _Cabac_ produces Animals

without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads.

To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens

formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone,

Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected.

But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they

had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various

Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted

while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of

Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with

each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so

great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to

recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown

Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these

seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the

Government should hereafter be intrusted to _simple Heads_, that is

to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People,

who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt

as the headless Inhabitants of _Cabac_. For as they, who had no Head

at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing

perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts,

yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about

like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been

in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of

her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race,

there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however,

they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of

six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under

vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees

of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the

rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain

and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is

hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.

From hence I pass’d to the Principality of _Bostanki_, a People, as

to their outward Make, little different from the _Potuans_; but as to

the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated

in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry

their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this

Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon

my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue

of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my

Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees,

implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great

Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing,

and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in

a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a

Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations.

I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very

fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing

me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family,

and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a

Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their

Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their

Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to

my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir,

to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of

this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of

their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in

the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and

are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account

they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States.

But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is

otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There

the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of

the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And,

indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of

People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right,

since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that _Hercules_ is not

the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common

Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to

the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in

all Nature, who like the _Bostankians_, carry their Hearts in their

Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the

Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.

From hence I pass’d by Water to _Mikolac_. Coming out of the Boat

I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the

Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the

Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing

an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d

he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my

Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me

with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d

for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist

might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as

follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no

Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country.

Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving

the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing

Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause,

but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper

Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing

my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune,

but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what

a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security

upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless

cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual

Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and

tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can

be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least

Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of

no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.

From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to

the City of _Bracmat_, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of

the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met,

came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well

understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my

Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had

in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my

Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse

of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either

totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I

met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which

some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects,

which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what

is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d _Makatti_; and they

devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and

Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of

their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty _minute Philosophers_;

but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable

Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends

them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce

any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon

any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who

are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that

they would see better if their Eyes were worse.

Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now

enter’d the Province of _Mutak_, the Capital of which look’d like a

Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding

to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a

_Place of Ease_ (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and

imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this,

and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they

were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I

step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d

thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging

and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For

we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The

Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch

of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been

condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the

_Censors_ of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now

going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they

have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his

Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary.

I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials

and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these:

_Powder of Avarice._ _Pills for Lust._ _Tincture against Cruelty._

_Lenitive of Ambition._ _Cortex against Pleasure_, &c. Words cannot

express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me

into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a

Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: _Sermons of Master_ Pisagus,

_a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools_. _Meditations of Dr._

Jukes, _a Specific in the_ Coma Vigil, _or Want of Sleep_, &c. I

thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately

the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books.

It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make

Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a

_Tenesmus_. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the

Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole

World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were

serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no

Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to

me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor _Juke_’s

Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance

itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous

Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of

philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to

leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw

in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But

notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and

was reflecting upon the _Mutakian_ Philosophy, their Manner of curing

Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in

our _Europe_ there are some Books that would purge the most costive,

or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I

own I could not subscribe to the _Mutakian_ Principles in this Point,

tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we

confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World

has observ’d in the following Epigram.

_Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,

Humores acres nos cruciare solent.

Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,

Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.

At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,

In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.

Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,

Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.

Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,

Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.

Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,

Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi._

I departed from _Mutak_, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I

arriv’d at _Mikrok_, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the

Gate shut. I was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d

to open it, which was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with

a Multitude of Locks, Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep

Silence reign throughout the whole City, except that my Ears were now

and then assaulted by a Noise as of People snoring. I could not help

fancying I was got into the Region of Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would

to God, says I to myself, that several of the Magistrates, Senators,

and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are dear Lovers of

Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City! How sweetly

and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the Streets,

and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and Sciences

were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by these

Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all

fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem

it was Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having

knock’d and bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided

into twenty-three Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the

other four to Business. Suspecting, therefore, these People to be

monstrously negligent both in their publick and private Affairs, I

desir’d something to be brought me to eat, which they had ready in the

House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing to be dress’d, the Cook

should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things are here done in

the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing superfluous is

omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long enough for

all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon Table with

a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City. We went

into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with respect

to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The Preacher

went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no Tautologies,

nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this Discourse

with the long nauseous ones of Master _Petre_, the former is in Reality

more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in

Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then

produce their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of

Alliance between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in

these Terms: _Let there be perpetual Friendship between the_ Mikrekians

_and_ Splendikanians. _Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River_

Klimac, _and the Top of Mount_ Zabor. _Sign’d_, &c. Thus in three Lines

they express, what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded

one may come to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if

Superfluities were to be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his

Journey half as short again, were he always to go directly strait. The

Natives here are Cypresses, and are distinguish’d from other Trees by

Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have a stated Increase and Decrease.

When they increase, a certain Humour distils from them, which falling

upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and is an Indication of the

approaching Night.

From hence to _Makrok_ is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never

sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be

in Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn.

He reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So

great was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to

walk thro’ the Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of

being too late. The least I could think was, that some Part of the

City was on Fire, or that some other sudden and unlook’d for Disaster

had frighted the Citizens out of their Senses. At last I cast my Eyes

upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d it was an Inn. Here some

were entring, others departing, others stumbling for Haste, insomuch

that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard before I could

gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of impertinent

Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you going to?

How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or with

Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the

green, the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs,

or below? with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who

was a Clerk of one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away

to Dinner, but soon return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account

of a Law-Suit that had been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of

which was now coming on before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he

hop’d it would be ended within two Years, since there were but two

Courts remaining, beyond which there was no Appeal. He left me in great

Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that this Nation was extremely busy in

doing nothing. When my Landlord was gone, I walk’d about the House, and

by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was large and well stock’d, with

respect to the Number of Books, but a very indifferent one with respect

to the Contents. Among those Books, which to Appearance were in best

Condition, I observ’d the following,

1. Description of the Cathedral 24 Vols.

2. Relation of the Siege of _Pehunc_ 36 Vols.

3. Of the Use of the Herb _Slac_ 13 Vols.

4. Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator _Jacksi_ 18 Vols.

My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description

of the State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that

more Business was transacted by the sleepy _Mikrokians_, than by the

waking _Makrokians_; that these play’d with the Shell, while the other

eat the Kernel. The People here too are all Cypresses, and as to the

outward Make of their Bodies, differ very little from the _Mikrokians_,

excepting the Wens upon their Foreheads. They have not the same Blood

or Juice in their Bodies which other Trees of this Globe have, but

instead of Blood, they have a thicker Juice in their Veins, which is of

a mercurial Quality and Appearance. Nay some think it is Quicksilver

itself, inasmuch as in a Barometer it is found to have the same Effect.

At the Distance of about two Days Journey from hence lies the Republick

of _Siklok_, which is divided into two Societies, in Alliance with

each other, but govern’d by different and opposite Laws. The first is

call’d _Miho_, founded by _Mihac_, a famous Lawgiver of old, and the

_Lycurgus_ of the _Subterraneans_. In order to render his Republick

stronger and more lasting, he made sumptuary Laws, which forbid all

Luxury on the severest Penalties. And accordingly this Society, for its

great Continence and Parsimony, may be justly call’d another _Sparta_.

One Thing I wonder’d at, and that was, that in a Government so well

constituted, and which piqu’d itself upon the Excellence of its Laws,

there should be so many Beggars. For wherever I turn’d my Eyes, there

was a Tree begging an Alms, which is a very troublesome Thing to

Travellers. Upon a nice Inspection into the State of the Republick, I

was convinc’d, that these Miseries flow’d from the too great Œconomy

of the People. For all Luxury being proscrib’d, and the Rich baulking

their Genius, and giving into no Indulgences, the common People of

course must lead an indolent, idle, and beggarly Life, for want of

Matter to make a proper Gain of. I concluded from hence, that rigid

Parsimony in a State produces the same Inconveniences as an Obstruction

of the Blood in a human Body. In the other Province, that of _Liho_,

they live splendidly and jovially, and spare no Expence. Here Arts and

Professions flourish; the People are encourag’d to Industry, and every

Citizen has an Opportunity to raise a Fortune. Whoever is poor among

them may fairly impute it to his own Negligence. Thus the Profusion of

the Rich gives Life to the Body politick, as the Circulation of the

Blood in the human Body gives Strength and Vigour to the Limbs.

The Territory of _Lama_ borders upon this. Here is the celebrated

School of Physicians. With so much Ardour is the Study of Physick here

pursued, that none are look’d upon as genuine Doctors, unless they come

from the illustrious School of _Lama_. And hence this City is crouded

with so many Doctors, that you see more of them than of all other

Sorts of People put together. Whole Streets are fill’d with Shops of

Apothecaries, and anatomical Instrument-Makers. Loitering about the

City, I met a Tree offering to Sale the Bills of Mortality for the

Year last past. I bought one of them, and to my great Surprize found

the Births and Burials stand thus: Born fifty; buried six hundred. I

could not conceive that in a Place, where _Apollo_ himself seem’d to

have fix’d his Residence, there should be such a yearly Havock among

the Citizens. I ask’d the Tree what unusual Plague or Pestilence had

rag’d in the City the last Year. He reply’d, that two Years ago

the Number of the Deceas’d was greater, that this was the common

Proportion between the Births and Burials, and that the Inhabitants

of _Lama_ were perpetually afflicted with Distempers, which hasten’d

their Deaths; insomuch that in a short Time the City would be empty,

if it were not supplied and recruited from the neighbouring Provinces.

Upon this I hurry’d out of the City, not thinking it prudent to stay

longer here, especially as the Name of a Physician, and the Sight of

the anatomical Instruments, after what I had suffer’d in the Country

of Philosophers, could not be very agreeable. Therefore leaving this

Place, I never stopt, till I came to a Town four Miles distant, where

the People live without Physicians, and without Diseases. In the Space

of two Days, I arriv’d at the _Land of Liberty_. The People here are

accountable to no Authority. They consist of separate Families, without

being subject to any Laws or Power whatsoever. Yet an Appearance of

Society is preserv’d, and in publick Matters they consult the Seniors,

who perpetually exhort them to Peace and Unanimity, and admonish them

never to depart from that primary Precept of Nature, of _doing to

others, as you would be done by_. On all the Gates of the Cities and

Villages a Statue of Liberty is erected trampling upon Chains and

Fetters, with this Inscription over the Head, GOLDEN LIBERTY. In the

first City I enter’d, all was quiet enough; yet I observ’d some of the

Citizens distinguish’d themselves by certain Ribbands which they wore,

and which, as I afterward understood, were Marks and Symbols of two

Factions which then divided the People. The Avenues and Court-Yards of

the Houses of the Great were lin’d with arm’d Soldiers, who always held

themselves in Readiness, because the Truce being about two Days ago

expir’d, the War was upon breaking out afresh. I fled away trembling as

fast as I could, nor thought myself free, till I had convey’d myself

out of Sight of this Land of Liberty.

The next Province is _Jochtan_, of which I had heard a short

Description, which very much alarm’d me, and led me to think it must be

the Seat of Disorder, Confusion, and Insecurity. For this Country was

the Sink and Receptacle of all Religions. All the several Principles

and Doctrines which prevail in any Part of this Globe, retire here as

to their Center, and are taught publickly. Recollecting, therefore,

what Troubles had been excited in _Europe_ by religious Differences,

I was almost afraid to approach the capital City, the several Streets

and Portions of which have all Churches and Temples for different

and opposite Sects. But my Fears soon vanish’d, when I observ’d a

profound Agreement and Concord reign in every Part. With respect to

their Politicks, there was the same Face, the same Sentiments, the

same Tranquillity, and the same Care in all. For as the Laws made it

capital for one Member of the State to disturb another in his Way of

Worship, or to molest him upon Account of any religious Difference,

hence whatever Dissensions they had were without the least Appearance

of Hostility, their Disputes were without Bitterness or Invectives,

and they had no Aversions, because they had no Persecutions. There was

a perpetual, but very honest and worthy Emulation among the several

Sects, every one of which endeavour’d to demonstrate the Excellence

of their Religion by the Purity of their Life and Morals. Thus by the

Wisdom of the Magistrate, all these different Sentiments excited no

more Troubles in the State, than did the different Shops of the Artists

and Merchants in the _Forum_, where the Buyers are invited by the sole

Goodness of the Commodity, and where they use neither Fraud, Force, or

Disparagement. By these Means, the least Seed of Discord is stifled

in the Birth, and that Sort of Emulation only encourag’d, which is

honourable in itself, and advantageous to the State. This convinc’d

me, that the religious Troubles which reign in many Places arise not

from the Variety of Religions, but from Persecution alone. A sensible

and learned _Jochtanian_ explain’d to me more at large the Genius of

this Government, and the Causes of its Tranquillity. I heard him with

Rapture, and his Observations I shall keep engrav’d on the Table of my

Heart. I did indeed, for some Time, make Replies and Objections to him,

but was at last forc’d to own myself vanquish’d, since he irresistibly

prov’d all his Points by Arguments drawn from Experience. Asham’d,

therefore, to contradict my Senses, and give the Lie to positive

Matter of Fact, I was forc’d to own, that Liberty of Belief was the

true Fountain of this Tranquillity and Concord. However, once more I

attack’d my Adversary with an Argument different from all I had us’d.

I told him it was the Duty of a Lawgiver, in erecting a Government, to

regard the future, rather than the present Happiness of Mortals, and

that he should conform his Scheme not so much to their Palate as to the

Laws of God. To this he reply’d in this Manner: “My good Friend, says

he, you are greatly deceiv’d, if you imagine that God, the Fountain

of Truth, can be pleas’d with dissembled Worship. In other Nations,

where all are oblig’d by publick Authority to one certain Rule of

Faith, what a Door is open’d for Ignorance and Hypocrisy! Few, or none,

have the Will or the Courage to discover their true Sentiments, and

so they profess one Thing, and believe another. This makes the Study

of Divinity a cold, lifeless Thing, and begets a Negligence in the

Discovery of Truth. This also makes profane Learning more cultivated:

For the Priests themselves, lest they should be branded with the Title

of Hereticks, relinquish the Pursuit of sacred Things, and divert

their Studies to other Subjects, where their Minds may range without

Danger, and where their Liberty is not fetter’d. The Vulgar will still

condemn all who depart from the reigning Doctrines. But Hypocrites and

Dissemblers must be hateful to God, to whom a sincere, tho’ erroneous

Belief, must be infinitely less displeasing than an orthodox, but

pretended Faith.” Hearing this, I kept Silence, unable to dispute the

Point any longer with so wise a People.

I had now been almost two Months out upon my Travels, when at last I

arriv’d at _Tumbac_, a Territory contiguous to the _Potuan_ Dominions.

I thought myself now at home, my wearisome Journey being almost

finish’d. The Inhabitants of this Region are chiefly Wild Olives,

extremely devout, and extremely censorious. In the first Inn I enter’d,

I waited two Hours for my Breakfast, knocking and calling for it almost

all that Time in vain. The Reason of this Delay, was the unseasonable

Devotion of my Host, who would not, for the World, put his Hand to the

least Thing, till he had finish’d his Morning Prayers.

_Tandem intrans magno porrexit murmure panem

Pallidus, & caulem misero mihi ponit alentem

Lanteram._

However, that Breakfast was one of the dearest in all my Travels, and

I protest I never met with a Landlord more devout, or more unmerciful.

Well! thought I to myself, this Landlord had better have pray’d less,

and been more honest. But I dissembled my Resentment, well knowing

how dangerous it is to provoke a Saint. The Citizens here were all

_Cato’s_, all Censors of Manners. They walk’d up and down the Streets

with pensive Looks and folded Arms, declaiming against the Vanity of

the Times, and condemning every innocent Pleasure. Not a Gesture, not a

Smile escap’d their Observation. And thus by their perpetual Censures,

and envenom’d Zeal, they pass’d for Persons of eminent Sanctity. For my

Part, as I was spent and exhausted with Fatigues, I made no Scruple of

indulging in several innocent Diversions. But I got a bad Name by so

doing, insomuch that every House I enter’d was like a Court of Justice,

where I was sure to be arraign’d. Some, when they saw I was not at all

mov’d by their Rebukes and Admonitions, shunn’d me like a Plague or a

Contagion. I forbear to say more upon the Moroseness of this People:

However, one Circumstance I must not omit, because it gives you their

exact Character; and from this Sample you may judge of the rest. A

certain _Tumbacian_, with whom I had been acquainted at _Potu_, being

at an Inn, and seeing me go by, stept out to me, and press’d me to go

in. I waited on him. As he had heard that I was far from being an Enemy

to Pleasure, he gave me such a Lecture, and upbraided me with my Life

and Morals in such Terms, that my Hair stood on End, and every Joint of

me shook. But while our _Cato_ was discharging thus the Artillery of

his Censures, the Glass had pass’d very insensibly, but very briskly,

from one to the other, till in short we both fell fairly fuddled on the

Floor, and were carried off half dead. Having slept off this Debauch,

and recover’d my Reason, I set myself to examine into the Nature of

these People’s Religion; and I made a fair Discovery, that their Zeal

flow’d rather from some vicious Humours, or a Predominancy of the

bilious Juices, than from true Piety. But I never communicated this to

any one, and left them without saying a Word.

At last, after two compleat Months, I arriv’d at _Potu_, so extremely

weary with such incessant Exercise, that my Legs had scarce Strength

to support my Body. It was on the tenth Day of the Month of _Beeches_

that I enter’d this Capital. I went forthwith to his Serene Highness,

and offer’d him my little Historical Collection, which he immediately

order’d to be printed. (For it must be noted, that the Art of

Printing, of which the _Europeans_ and _Chinese_ boast themselves to

be Inventors, was of far greater Antiquity among the _Potuans_.) The

People in general were so pleas’d with this Account of my Travels,

that they were never weary of reading it. All Day long they were

running about the Streets selling my Journal, and crying, as loud

as they could, _A Journey round the World, by_ Scabba, _the King’s

Messenger_. Elated with this Success, I gave a Loose to my Ambition,

and aspir’d to some Employment of greater Weight and Dignity. But

seeing my Hopes not quickly answer’d, I preferr’d a new Petition to

the Prince, wherein extolling my late Labours, I earnestly implor’d

his Highness to vouchsafe me a proper Recompence. The Prince, who

was Humanity in the Abstract, was sensibly touch’d with my Case, and

graciously promis’d that he would have a due Regard to me. He was as

good as his Word: But his whole Favour terminated in the Enlargement

of my annual Salary. I thought I had Reason to expect a far better

Recompence, and therefore I could not rest contented with this. But as

I would not trouble his Highness any further, I open’d my Grief to the

Chancellor. He heard me with his usual Humanity, and promis’d me all

the good Offices in his Power; but at the same Time admonish’d me to

desist from so wild a Petition, and begg’d me to consider the Measure

of my Abilities, and the Weakness of my Judgment. “Nature, says he, has

been but a Step-Mother to you, and has deny’d you those Powers of the

Mind, which are requisite for the more arduous Offices of the State;

and therefore you should not aim at what it is not possible for you

to procure. Nay, the Prince himself, were he to comply with this weak

Request of yours, must suffer in his Fame, as a Violator of the Laws.

Rest contented therefore with your Condition, and renounce a Hope,

which Nature has made unreasonable.” In Conclusion, he own’d I had some

Merit, and particularly extoll’d my late Performance. But it is not,

says he, Merit of this Kind that paves the Way to State-Preferment.

’Tis true, you have drawn a very pretty Picture of the World; but if

for a Performance of this Kind we were to gratify you with the most

honourable Employments, why might not a Painter for drawing a great

Likeness, or a Sculptor for exhibiting a Statue in just Proportion,

with as much Reason expect to be made a Senator? Merit should doubtless

meet with a Recompence, and Rewards should be assign’d to the

Deserving; but then they should be Rewards of such a Nature, as that

the Commonwealth receive no Detriment, and suffer no Ridicule.

These Admonitions silenc’d me for a While. But as I could not bear to

think of growing old in this vile Employ, I resum’d that desperate

Resolution, which had laid dormant a long Time, of attempting a

Reformation in the State, by which Project I might, at one and the same

Time, help forward the publick Good, and my own too.

A little before I set out upon my late Travels, I had closely study’d

the Nature of this Government, to see if I could discover any Defects,

and at the same Time what Remedies were proper for them. Since that, in

the Province of _Cockleku_, I had observ’d that the Government there

was in a tottering Condition, by reason of the Admission of Women to

the Management of publick Affairs, that Sex being naturally ambitious,

still aiming to extend their Power, nor ever resting till they have

acquir’d a full and absolute Authority. Hereupon I determin’d to bring

in a Bill to exclude that Sex from the Administration of publick

Affairs. I flatter’d myself I should find Multitudes to abet and

espouse this Point, since it was an easy Matter to make it very clear,

and to shew beyond Contradiction the Misfortunes that flow from this

Defect in the State, and the Danger the Male Sex was in, unless the

Wings of such an unnatural Power were timely clipt. And if it should so

happen, that the Abolition of this ancient Custom should appear to some

to be too hazardous an Attempt, in such Case I humbly offer’d, that the

Female Power should be at least restrain’d and abridg’d.

This Scheme of mine had three Ends in view. First, to remove an

Inconvenience the State labour’d under. Secondly, by producing a

Specimen of my Sagacity and Judgment, I had Hopes to mend my Condition.

And, thirdly, I thought by these Means to revenge certain Taunts and

Affronts I had receiv’d from many of the Females of this Country. I

frankly confess, that my own private Interest, and a Desire of Revenge,

were the _primum Mobile_ of this Project. But then I artfully conceal’d

these Views, lest under a Pretence of publick Good, I should seem only

to pursue my own, and so tread in the Steps of other Innovators, whose

Schemes breathe nothing but the publick Good, when it is evident to the

dullest Observer, that their private Interest is the Spring that moves

the whole Machine.

And now, having drest my Project out to the best Advantage, and

strengthen’d it by the most powerful Reasons I could invent, I waited

upon the Prince, and humbly offer’d it to him. His Highness, who

had always testify’d a great Regard to me, was thunderstruck at the

Boldness and Folly of my Undertaking, which he foreboded must end in my

irreparable Ruin. Wherefore he endeavour’d to dissuade me from this mad

Attempt by the strongest Intreaties:

——_Precibusque minas regaliter addit._

I, for my Part, relying as well upon the Utility of my Project, as upon

the Favour of the Male Sex (who I was in Hopes would not desert the

common Cause) remain’d immovable to all his Highness said, nor could

his repeated Admonitions vanquish my Obstinacy. In fine, according to

the Custom of the Country, I was brought to the _Forum_, and there,

with my Neck in a Halter, I stood waiting the Judgment of the Senate.

That venerable Body debated the Matter, and soon came to a Resolution;

which Resolution was sent up to the Prince for his Confirmation; and

being return’d by him, was read aloud by a publick Officer. It run thus:

“After due Examination, we are of Opinion as follows: That the Project

of _Scabba_, the King’s Messenger, to exclude the Female Sex from

publick Business, cannot take Effect without the highest Detriment

to the Commonwealth, since no less than Half of the Nation, which

consists of the said Sex, must look upon this Innovation as a very

great Hardship, and their Resentment may occasion infinite Disorders.

Moreover we are of Opinion, that it is absurd and unjust, intirely to

exclude Trees of the finest Talents from publick Honours, especially

as Nature, who does nothing in vain, can never be suppos’d to have

given them all those noble Advantages to no Purpose. We are persuaded,

that for the Welfare of the State, Regard ought to be had not to the

Name, but the Abilities of a Person. And as a Country may often labour

under a Want of able Persons, we think it a great Folly, by one Act of

Senate, to render one intire Half of the Nation incapable and unworthy

of Employment, solely upon Account of their Birth. For these and divers

other good Reasons we are of Opinion, that the said _Scabba_, for this

foolish and rash Attempt, ought to be punish’d according to the Custom

of our Ancestors.”

The Prince was extremely concern’d for my Misfortune, but as he never

rescinded the Decree of the Senate, he sign’d it with his own Hand,

and affix’d the Royal Seal to it, and commanded it to be made publick,

inserting however this mollifying Clause, That as I was a Foreigner, a

Native of a new and unknown World, where forward Geniuses are in great

Esteem, I should be exempted from capital Punishment. But lest by a

total Remission of the Sentence the Laws should suffer an Infringement,

it was therefore thought fit to detain me in Prison till the Beginning

of the Month of _Birches_, and that then, with other Violators of the

Law, I should be banish’d to the Firmament.

This Sentence being publish’d, I was clapt into Prison. Some of my

Friends persuaded me to protest against this Sentence, since among my

Judges there were so many Matrons and Virgins, all Judges in their own

Cause. Some advis’d me, as the safer Way, to make a fair Acknowledgment

of my Crime, and lay the Blame upon my own native human Weakness.

But this last Advice I rejected with great Constancy, out of Respect

to Mankind, upon whose Character such a Confession would leave an

indelible Blemish.

I heard soon after, that his Highness had determin’d to give me an

absolute Pardon, if I would but only prostrate myself at his Feet,

confess my Fault, and implore his Favour, although _Rahagna_ the

Treasurer oppos’d that Motion with Might and Main. But, to speak the

Truth, I was not displeas’d with the Sentence. For Death was not half

so terrible to me as that Employment they pick’d out for me; and I was

weary of conversing longer with these Trees, who had so high an Opinion

of their Wisdom. I hop’d also to meet with better Treatment in the

Firmament, where I had heard, that all Strangers, without Distinction,

were kindly receiv’d.