"I confess I was not at all prepared for the feelings that
some South Africans appear to entertain with respect to our
conduct in the recent negotiations"--_Lord Salisbury to
the Deputation of African Merchants respecting the proposed
Anglo-German Agreement._
[Illustration: _Imperial Instrumentalist_ (_loquitur_). "WHAT, NOT
LIKE THE TONE OF IT? WELL, YOU _DO_ SURPRISE ME!!!"]
I fancied that this Instrument
Would make a great sensation
And that its music would content
The critics and the nation,
I know it is what vulgar folks
Christen the "Constant-screamer;"
I thought _you_'d scorn such feeble jokes;
It seems I was a dreamer.
You writhe your lips, you close your ears!
Dear me! Such conduct tries me.
You do not like it, it appears
Well, well,--you _do_ surprise me!
'Tis not, I know, the Jingo drum,
Nor the "Imperial" trumpet.
(The country to their call won't come,
However much you stump it.)
They're out of fashion; 'tis not now
As in the days of "BEAKEY."
People dislike the Drum's tow-row.
And call the Trumpet squeaky.
So I the Concertina try,
As valued friends advise me.
What's that you say? It's all my eye?
Well, well,--you _do_ surprise me!
I fancied you would like it much,
You and the other fellows.
Admire the tone, remark my touch!
And what capacious bellows!
'Tis not as loud as a trombone,
But harmony's not rumpus;
The chords are charming, and you'll own
It has a pretty compass.
I swing like this, I sway like that!
Fate a fine theme supplies me!
The "treatment" you think feeble, flat?
Well, well--you _do_ surprise me!
The "European Concert"? Grand!
(You recollect that term, man!)
_This_ is a Concertina, and
It's make is Anglo-German,
You can't _expect_ the thing to be
English alone, completely;
But really, as 'tis played by me.
Does it not sound most sweetly?
Humph! DONALD CURRIE cocks his nose,
BECKETT disdainfully eyes me,
My Concertina you would--_close!_
Well, well--you _do_ surprise me!
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