ROUTS THE REPUBLERCAN RABBEL.--CAMPANE LIES.--THE DEVIL IN
LEAGUE WITH DEMMERCRAZEY.--GRATE WAS THE FALL THEREOF.
Tomorrer is eleckshun day, so tonite the Republercans hav been havin
a gran free strete exhybishun. I'll be orful glad wen the eleckshun is
over, 'cos the xcite-ment, & late hours, attendin the campane, is
weerin out my nurves. Jimmy and I hav jest got in Mr. Diry, and I think
paraders are wonderin wot struck em by this time.
Bout half past seven, the torch lite perrsesshun got together, at Cooper
institute, and began the march up town to Uniyun square were the liars
was to hold forth. There was a norful lot in the persesshun, and sum of
'em had banners, with a pole cat eatin a rooster. I got indignunt,
cos they was ntirely too fresh, so me & Jimmy run on ahed of em, and
sprinkled the strete with torpedoes wot we bort a purpose.
You'd dide to seen em marchin rite on to 'em, singing out “Down with
Gilley and the wiskey suckin demmercrazey.” Soon as they stepped on sum
torpedoes, they didn't wate for marchin orders. Cos there was a norful
noise, like the demmycrazey was in leegue with the subterrainon bosses,
and they was celebratin there indypendense day.
I was sorry to see them disband, cos they looked sorter purty, and the
band wot they had in the persesshun maid things lively.
They had a big platform erected wot was meant for the big guns of the
partie, to fire off lies and ellyquense from, soon as the persesshun
arrived, so me and Jimmie run up there and wated til the crowd wot had
got dermoreylized arrove, and the speekin begun. The fust speeker wot
held forth, was a clerickel-lookin cus, wot peared to be only bout
twenty-one years old. He give a long descriptshun of wot him and his
partie, had done for the country durin the late unplessantness, when
the oppersishun candydate, Mr. Gilley, was to hum, busy weerin out his
pettycotes. This made me madder'an durnashun, cos I knowd the feller wos
lying a reglar baldhedded lie, cos if Mr. Gilley wos weerin pettycotes
wen the war brok out, his pa and ma orter kep on lettin him be a gal,
and then, p'raps, his hare wuldn't all fell out. The peeple didnt pare
to xhibit much inthusyism over the fellers remarks, cos he haled from
out in Oio, and citizens out in such far away and semiuncivylized
states, aint sposed to kno as much as us New Yorkers enyway. A nuther
feller got up and sed: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the eve of a grate
eleckshun. Tomorrer us free men'll go up to the poles and deposit our
ballots inter the box, and thus signify our choice of rulers. Every one
present knoes the disgraceful condishun of the New York Demmycrazey.
Its platform is rotten in every plank. Its leeder Mr. Gilley is the
dubble-extract of rottinness, and the hull rank and file of the party is
in a fit state to be condemned by the fresh meet inspector. How is the
Republican party? Its swete and pure as a new-born baby. Its leeder is
as clene and wite as new milk, and all Hay-dies culdnt find a flaw in
the platform on wich we stand.” Just then I guess the devil muster taken
excepshuns to the remarks, cos I'd pulled the rope wot I'd fixed to
the loose leg of the platform, and the hull bisness toppled over the
speekers and vice preserdents of the meetin, presentin a free accrobatic
tumblin show to the amused and interested audiense. All the peepel
wot was present and seen the platform give way are feelin blu
and superstishus, cos there frade the Devil's in leegue with the
Demmercrazey, and I guess there bout rite; aint they, Mr. Diry?