HE REPORTS A XERDENT WOT HAPPENED TO J. GOULD AND SETS ALL
NEW YORK WILD.--XCITE-MENT IN WALL STREET.--JIMMY NERVOUS.--
YOU CAN TELL THEM BY THE COMPANY THEY KEEPS.
I never could see y peepel with good cents don't xercise a little
jugement wen they name their baby's, so as fellus like me, wot is a
young aspyrant for jurnerlistic ornhers, wouldn't git mixed up on 'em.
Now the citie edittur told me if I ever hurd of any dog fites, or
axydents, to report 'em, cos it'd keep me in practise. So this mornin,
bout 3 o'clock, we was woke up by a orfull loud poundin on the front
dore. Pa thot it was burglers, jest as if they'd nock at the dore if
they wanted to cum in and steel. So ma had to go to the winder, and she
found out it was Mrs. Gould, that's my chum, Jimmie's mother. She was
cryin orful, and wanted ma to come over to her house, cos Jimmy had got
the nitemare from etin too much minsepie, and fell outer bed, and she
was frade he'd brok his kneck, cos he hadn't spok a wurd sinse. I seen I
had a chanse to distinguish myself, so I put on my cloes and run down
to the offis. Oll the editturs and reporthers had gone to bed, cos
the paper was jest goin to press, so I told the foreman all bout the
axerdent wot happinned to J. Gould. He got orful xcited, and sed I orter
be promoted, cos it was a splendid item, and we'd be the only paper wot
would hav it, and then he got the paper reddy for 50,000 extra coppies.
Wen I went down town after brake-fast I never seed such xcitement;
hundreds of peeple was at every street corner reedin' the _Buster_ and
discussin' probubillytees of a panic. The noose-boys was coinin' money
sellin' our paper, singin' out “All 'bout the axerdent,” and showin' the
peeple the _Busters_ hedlines, wot red: “Terribel Calamyty! J. Gould,
the Ralerode King, Falls Outer Bed and Sustains Fatul Injuries.”
The managers of the other noosepapers was orful mad, and maid all the
citie reporters hand in their resignashuns, cos they wasn't smart enuf
to each the item.
Down in Wall strete there was a reglar pannick. The Beers was jest as
happy as they culd be, and most all of 'em maid there fortunes before
dinner, cos all the stock went down like led. Jest wen a lot of the
bulls was goin' to bust up and pay ther creditturs 5 cents on the
dollar, who should walk inter the Xchange but J. Gould himself. You
never seen such a surprised crowd enyw'ere; they all thot it was his
gost till he 'xplayned that it warn't him wot fell outer bed a tail He
sed he know'd he was purty late gettin' down town, but they must 'xcuse
him, cos he was kep up purty late, calkin' up a cask of “Western Union
Water” wot sprung a leek.
The 'xcitement's beginnin' to ware off now, but you bet the _Buster's_
got a big lot of free advertising and Mr. Giliey warn't a bit mad, wen
I 'xplained how it all happened, cos the Wall strete beers is goin' to
s'port him for Guv'ner, cos the _Buster's_ made 'em all wrich.
Jimmie's allrite agin; he was only stunned, and he got out of bed in
time to get down to the telegraf offis. I feel orful proud of my chum
now. I never know'd how much he was valewd before. You see now, Mr.
Diry, wot a boy makes of hisself when he 'sociates with a risin' yung
jurnerlist, like yours trooly, Georgie.