A CONVENSHUN OF THE DUDE DEMMERCRAZEY,--A COUNTRY DELEGAIT.--
THE EDITHER GETS NOMMERNATED FOR GOVERNOR, AND GEORGIE
SMOKES A $15,000 SEGAR.
There's something to pay to-day, is wot the edither sed to the casheer
tonite, wen I walked up to the desk for my $2 in munney and a bushell of
gloryfycashun.
Yes, it was to pay all day in town, cos there was a convenshun of the
Dude Dem-mercrazey in the Grand Opera House, and the candydates had all
the salloons leesed, and war busy servin out free wisky, like they've
got in O-i-o.
Mr. Diry, did you ever see a full-bludded Demmercratic delegait from a
country village? Well, jist immagin a tall, leen, lank indyvidooal, with
long hare, slouch hat, a knoes wot looked like it'd been in collishun
with a elderberrie pie, and a sute of cloes wot was bort wen old Father
Adam's wardrope of fig leeves was sold out by the Sherruf of Eden
county. That is a kyrect pickter of them fellers whose hands is ichin to
grab hold of the desternies and post-offisses of Amerika, and if you'll
take my advise you won't make no closer investi-gashun, lesn you've got
munney nuff to spare to set em up.
The aldermen of the city passed a resurlushun closin up the front dores
of the s'loons, cos they was frade if they was left open sumthin mite
happin wot would hurt the reputashun of the partie in the common hurd
wot do the votin. But then the delergates didn't mind circumventin a
bildin, as long as they got a chanse, to circumvent sum hot stuf wen
they got inside.
After dinner, the Convenshun was called to order, and the boss carpenter
naled a lot of old seccund hand planks togethur, wot they called a
platform. Then the onherabel members, got orful full of 'nthusyasm, cos
the nommernashun for Guvner, was in order, jest then my chum jimmy, wots
workin for the Districk Telergraf Corn-penny come in, and handed the
Cheerman a despach, wot he red out loud. It sed:
Nommernate Joe Gilley, for Guvner,
and I'll tap a barrel, Sammy Tilton.
The thots of the barrl was too much for the assembelled multertude of
the grate unwashed, and ther was quietness in the Hall, wile vishuns
of wiskey baths, free lunch stands, and clene paper collars, past befor
thir eyes. Then ther was a loud cheir, and Joe Gilley wos nommernated
by acclamashun. The rest of the ticket was put on the slate, by order
of John Kelley, and the delergates adjourned to the _Buster_ offis, were
the temperance edittur regaled em, with a demmyjohn of Appel Jack,
wot the committee giv him sted of cash, last time he lectured, on
Proherbishun, in Hobokin.
Wen the croud was cleered, Mr. Gilley arst me if I know'd the boy wot
brung the note. I told him he was my chum, and I'd rote the despach for
fun.
Then he shook hands with me, and sed I was smarter 'an chane litenin',
and I'd get to be Preserdent sum day, cos I beet all the pollytishuns he
ever know'd at wirepulling. Then he thanked me, and give me a cuppel of
segars, one for Jimmy and one for me, to call it square. We're goin' to
save 'em til to-morrer after dinner, cos it tain't offen boys, like us,
get a chanse to smoke $15,000 dollar segars, and these muster cost
that, cos the evenin' papers says Mr. Gilley pade $30,000 for the
nommernashun.
He's ben most everything but a demmycrat, but he says he guesses he can
stummick there docktrins 'til he gets to Albany.