It would be an amusing experiment, by the way, to go to the point
instead of avoiding it. What fun it would be to stand as a strict Party
candidate, but issue a perfectly frank and cynical Election Address.
Mr. Mosley’s address begins, “Gentlemen,--Sir Alfred Cripps having been
chosen for a high judicial position and a seat in the House of Lords, a
by-election now becomes necessary, and the electors of South Bucks are
charged with the responsible duty of electing, etc., etc.” But suppose
there were another candidate whose election address opened in a plain,
manly style, like this: “Gentlemen,--In the sincere hope of being myself
chosen for a high judicial position or a seat in the House of Lords,
or considerably increasing my private fortune by some Government
appointment, or, at least, inside information about the financial
prospects, I have decided that it is worth my while to disburse large
sums of money to you on various pretexts, and, with even more reluctance
to endure the bad speaking and bad ventilation of the Commons’ House
of Parliament, so help me God. I have very pronounced convictions on
various political questions; but I will not trouble my fellow-citizens
with them, since I have quite made up my mind to abandon any or all
of them if requested to do so by the upper classes. The electors are
therefore charged with the entirely irresponsible duty of electing a
Member; or, in other words, I ask my neighbours round about this part,
who know I am not a bad chap in many ways, to do me a good turn in my
business, just as I might ask them to change a sovereign. My election
will have no conceivable kind of effect on anything or anybody except
myself; so I ask, as man to man, the Electors of the Southern or Wycombe
Division of the County of Buckingham to accept a ride in one of my
motor-cars; and poll early to please a pal--God Save the King.” I do not
know whether you or I would be elected if we presented ourselves with
an election address of that kind; but we should have had our fun and
(comparatively speaking) saved our souls; and I have a strong suspicion
that we should be elected or rejected on a mechanical majority like
anybody else; nobody having dreamed of reading an election address any
more than an advertisement of a hair restorer.