or
Beggars-Bush.
In which a Mad Maunder doth vapour and swagger
With praiseing the Trade of a bonney bold Beggar.
To the tune of, _From hunger and Cold_.
A Beggar, a Beggar, [126.]
A Beggar I'le be,
There's none leads a Life so jocond as hee;
A Beggar I was,
And a Beggar I am,
A Beggar I'le be, from a Beggar I came:
If (as it begins) our Trading do fall,
I fear (at the last) we shall be Beggars all.
_Our Tradesmen miscarry in all their affayrs
And few men grow wealthy, but Courtiers and Players._
A Craver my father,
A Maunder my mother,
A Filer my sister, a Filcher my brother,
A Canter my Unckle,
That cared not for Pelfe,
A Lifter my aunt, a Beggar myselfe.
In white wheaten straw, when their bellies were full,
Then I was begot, between Tinker and Trul.
_And therefore a Beggar, a Beggar I'le be,
For none hath a spirit so jocond as he._
[Illustration]
When Boyes do come to us,
And that their intent is
To follow our Calling, we nere bind them Prentice,
Soon as they come too't,
We teach them to doo't,
And give them a Staff and a Wallet to boot.
We teach them their Lingua, to Crave and to Cant,
The devil is in them if then they can want.
_If any are here that Beggars will bee,
We without Indentures will make them free._
We begg for our bread,
But sometimes it happens
We feast with Pigg, Pullet, Conny and Capons
For Churche's affairs
We are no Man-slayers
We have no religion, yet live by our prayers.
But if when we begg, Men will not draw their purses,
We charge and give fire, with a volley of curses,
_The Devil confound your good Worship we cry,
And such a hold brazen fac'd Beggar am I._
_London._ Printed for _W. Thackeray_, _T. Passenger_, and _W.
Whitwood_.
[Footnote 244: For tune, see Appendix.]
[82.] A Justice of the Peace committed a fellow to prison, and
commanded him away three or foure times, but stil the fellow intreated
him. Sirrah, (said the Justice) must I bid you bee gone so many times,
and will you not goe? The fellow answered, Sir, if your worship had
bidden mee to dinner or supper, I should in my poore manners not to
have taken your offer under two or three biddings; therefore I pray
you blame me not if I looke for foure biddings to prison.
[26.] King James being in his Progress at Woodstock in Oxfordshire,
the King, finding it to rain so one morning that he could not ride a
hunting, had got some Nobility and Gentry together, resolving to be
merry. And one humour was, that the King having that morning a fine
curvetting Horse given him, which kind of Horse he never lik'd in his
life, told them that he that could tell the greatest lie should have
that Horse. So one told one lie, and another, another: and several had
told others, that there was great laughing; and just in the midst of
this mirth in comes a Country Fellow, complaining to the King that
some of his Servants had wrong'd him: Well, well, says the King, we'll
hear you of that anon; come, come hither amongst us, and you must know
that he that can tell the greatest lie shall have that horse. Truly
Sir, says he, an't please your Grace, I never told a lie in all my
life. With that says the King, Give him the Horse, give him the Horse,
for I am sure that is the greatest lie that has been told to day.
[94.] A yong lascivious Gallant wanting money, could not with his
credit sell anything; yet his father being but lately dead, at length
was checkt by some of his friends for his loose and extravagant life,
and withal told him he had base and beastly Associates that did draw
him to ill houses. He, taking this opportunity, answered, Truly,
Friends, your Counsel is very good, I will presently go sell my Coach
and Horses.
[17.] One being desired to eat some Oysters, refused, saying they were
ungodly meat, unchristianly meat, uncharitable meat, and unprofitable
meat. And being demanded his reason why he said it, he answered, They
were ungodly meat, because they were eaten without saying of Grace;
unchristianly meat because the Creature was eaten alive; uncharitable
meat, because they left no offal to the poor, and unprofitable meat,
because most commonly there was more spent upon them than the Oysters
cost.
[110.] Maister _Hobson_, and another of his neighbours, on a time
walking to Southwarke faire, by chance drunke in a house which had
the signe of Sa. _Christopher_, of the which signe the good man of the
house gave this commendation; Saint _Christopher_ (quoth he) when hee
lived upon the earth bore the greatest burden that ever was, which was
this, he bore Christ over a river. Nay there was one (quoth maister
_Hobson_) that bore a greater burden; Who was that (quoth the in
keeper). Mary, quoth Maister _Hobson_, the asse that bore both him and
his mother: so was the Inne keeper called asse by Craft. After this,
talking merely together, the aforsaid Inne keeper being a little
whitled[F. 245] with drinke, & his head so giddy that he fell into the
fire, people standing by, ran sodainely and tooke him up; oh let him
alone (quoth Maist. _Hobson_) a man may doe what he will in his owne
house, and lie where so ever he listeth. The man having little hurt,
with this sight grew immediately sober, and, after, foxed Maister
_Hobson_ and his neighbour so mightely, that comming over London
bridge, being very late, ranne against one of the posts, which Maister
_Hobson_ thinking it to bee some man that had justled him, drew out
his dodgion[F. 246] dagger, and thrust it up into the very hilt into
the hollow post; whereupon verely hee had thought hee had kil'd some
man: so, running away, was taken by the watch, and so all the Jest was
discovered.
[Footnote 245: Intoxicated.]
[Footnote 246: A dudgeon dagger was one having a _boxwood_
handle.]
[52.] A mad fellow newly married, had onely one young child by his
wife, of some quarter old, whom he dearly and tenderly loved, but
he was much given to good fellowship, and she altogether addicted to
sparing, & good huswifery: still he used to come merry home from the
taverne from his boone companions, to her great griefe, she being as
sparing of her purse, as prodigall of her tongue, for she was little
better than a Scold, would oft upbraid him with his expences of money,
and time, and to be so often drunke was prejudiciall both to his
estate and bodily health, and that it were far better to spend that at
home in his house than in a Taverne; with such Matron like speeches,
always concluding her exhortations with a vow that if ever he came
home again in the like pickle she would (happen what would come) fling
the Child into the Moat (for the house was moted round.) It happned
shortly after, that he revelling till late in a cold frosty Winter
evening, she having intelligence by her scouts where hee was, made
no doubt hee would come home flustred. She commands the Infant to bee
convaied to the farther part of the house, and to wrap the Cat in the
blankets, put it in the Cradle, and there sit and rocke it. Presently
comes her Husband, she fals to her old lesson of quarrelling with
him, and hee with her, ill words begot worse, much lewd language past
betwixt them. The woman suddenly steps to the Cradle (having spied her
advantage;) I have long threatned thee a mischiefe, and that revenge I
cannot worke on thee (come doggs, come devills) I will inflict on thy
Brat in the Cradle; instantly snatched it up in her armes, and ran
with it to the Moat side, and flings it into the middle of the water:
the poore man much affrighted, leaves to pursue her, and leaps into
the water, up in mud and water to the very chinne, crying, Save, oh
save the child. Now waded he in the Moat in a very bitter cold frost,
till he brought out the Mantle, and with much paine and danger comes
to the shore, and still crying, Alas, my poore childe, opened the
Cloathes: At length the frighted Cat cryed Mew, and being at liberty
leapt from betwixt his armes, and ranne away. The husband both amazed
and vexed, the woman heartily laughed at her revenge, and the poore
man was glad to reconcile the difference before she would either give
him fire or dry linnen.
[26.] A dear and Loving wife, that always bore a great respect to her
Husband, both in Sickness and in Health, and now did make it appear to
the very last. For when her dear Husband was, in _Essex_, condemned to
die, for a small matter God knows, that is only for stealing four or
five Horses, and breaking up as many Houses; so this sweet loving Soul
his wife, hearing where he was, came and gave him a visit. Wife, says
he, you see what I am come to now, prithee pray for me, and have a
care to bring up our Children in the fear of God. Husband, says she,
as soon as I heard of it, you see I came to you, and as you know I
have always been loving to you, you shall now find it at the last.
Pray Husband, tell me, are we to be at the charge of a Rope, or they,
for I would have all things ready to do you a kindness; for here I
have brought one forty Miles to do you a Courtesie, And so left the
Rope with him. Well, wife, says he, I thank you heartily, and pray go
home, and look after the Children. No, Husband, says she, I have not
come so far, but a Grace a God I'll see you hang'd before I go.
[17.] A Countrey man passing by S^t Pauls Church, at such time as it
was turn'd from a House of Prayer, to be a den of Thieves; I mean,
an unsanctified Guard of Souldiers: He seeing what manner of Cattle
inhabited it, asked a Shopkeeper hard by, If that place were Noah's
Ark? Being asked the reason of his demand, Because, said he, I see so
many unclean beasts therein.
[105.] When _Scogin_ and his man had ridden ten or twelve miles on
their way, hee overtooke a Priest that was riding to London, to
pay his first fruits, with whom he kept company untill he came to
Stamford, and all that way as they rode, _Scogin_ made the Priest very
good cheere, and would let him pay no money, so that _Scogin_ had
but two shillings left: and riding betweene Stamford & Huntington,
_Scogin_ complayned him to the Parson in this sort: I marvell master
Parson (quoth he) how men doe when they want money, to get it? For
when I want money, I know not how to get any, except I should steale.
No, no, said the Priest, doe you not know that they that serve God
well, doe not want, and how that God promiseth, that if you call upon
him in your afflictions, that hee will helpe you? You say well, master
Parson, said _Scogin_, and rode before; and when hee saw a faire
place, hee kneeled downe and lifted up his hands, and prayed to God,
till Master Parson and his man did overtake him, but nothing hee
could get. When they were come, hee told them he prayed, but could get
nothing. But (quoth he) I will try once againe, and then if I can get
nothing, both you, Master Parson and my man shall helpe me to pray,
for I doe not doubt but God will helpe something, when hee heareth all
our prayers. And then _Scogin_ did ride before againe, and when hee
saw his place convenient, hee alighted him from his horse and tied him
to a tree, and kneeled downe, and prayed as hee had done before, until
such time as they came to him. Then, said the Parson, How do you now,
Master _Scogin_? By my troth, said he, I can get nothing; wherefore,
alight, sirra, quoth he to his man, and tie your horse to yonder tree,
and then hee went to the Parson, and took his horse by the bridle, and
told him hee must needes helpe him to pray. The Parson for feare durst
not say him nay, but alighted, and tooke his capcase[F. 247] from the
saddle bow, wherein was fifty pounds. Then _Scogin_ asked his man how
much money hee had in his purse? He sayd, twenty pence. By my troth,
said _Scogin_, and I have but two shillings, and how much have you
Master Parson? said hee. The Parson thought that if he had told him
all, hee would surely have borrowed a good part of it, and he said,
five pounds. Well, let us pray hartily, said _Scogin_, and then
they kneeled downe, and prayed for the space of halfe an houre; and
_Scogin_ said, let us see whether God have heard our request, or no.
And then, he looked in his own purse, where was but two shillings, and
then he looked in his man's purse, where was but twenty pence. Then
_Scogin_ came to the Parson, and said, Now Master Parson, let us see
what you have, for I doe not doubt but God hath heard our prayers; and
tooke the Priests capcase and opened it, wherein was a bag with fifty
Pounds in it, which the Parson should have paid for his first fruits.
Then _Scogin_ spread his cloake abroad, and poured out the money, and
when hee had told it, hee said, By Lady, Master Parson, God hath
heard our prayer; and then hee gave him five pounds, and said, Master
Parson, here is the five pound that thou had before wee began to pray,
and the rest we will have; for I see that you are so well acquainted
with God, that with praying halfe an houre, you can get as much more:
and this will doe us great pleasure, and it is but a small matter for
you to pray halfe an houre. The Parson desired Scogin to let him have
the rest of the money, for hee said that hee did ride to London to pay
his first fruits. Well, said _Scogin_, then you must pray againe, for
wee will have this, and so they rode away, and left the Priest behind
them: and the Priest was faine to ride home againe for more money.
[Footnote 247: A small leather travelling case.]
[82.] In Queene _Elizabeths_ dayes there was a fellow that wore a
brooch in his hat, like a tooth drawer, with a Rose and Crowne and two
letters: this fellow had a warrant from the Lord Chamberlaine at that
time to travell with an exceeding brave Ape which hee had; whereby hee
gat his living from time to time at markets and fayres: his Ape did
alwayes ride upon a mastiffe dog, and a man with a drum to attend him.
It happened that these foure travellers came to a towne called _Looe_
in _Cornwall_, where the Inne being taken, the drum went about to
signifie to the people that at such an Inne was an Ape of singular
vertue and quality, if they pleased to bestow their time and money to
see him. Now the townsmen, being honest labouring Fishers, and other
painfull functions, had no leasure to waste either time or coyne
in _Ape tricks_, so that no audience came to the Inne, to the
great griefe of _Jack an Apes_ his Master; who, collecting his wits
together, resolved to adventure to put a tricke upon the towne,
whatsoever came of it; whereupon hee took pen, inke, and paper and
wrote a warrant to the Mayor of the towne as followeth.
_These are to will and require you, and every of you, with
your wives and families, that upon the sight hereof you make
your personall appearance before the Queenes Ape, for it is
an Ape of ranke and quality, who is to be practised throughout
her Majesties dominions, that by his long experience amongst
her loving subjects, hee may bee the better enabled to doe her
Majesty service hereafter; and hereof faile you not, as you
will answer the contrary. &c._
This warrant being brought to the Mayor, he sent for a shoomaker at
the furthest end of the towne to read it; which when he heard, hee
sent for all his brethren, who went with him to the Towne Hall to
consult upon this waighty businesse. Where after they had sate a
quarter of an houre, no man saying any thing, nor any man knowing what
to say; at last a young man that never had borne any office, said,
Gentlemen, if I were fit to speake, I thinke (without offence,
under correction of the Worshipfull) that I should soone decide this
businesse; to whom the Mayor said, I pray good neighbour speake, for
though you never did beare any office here, yet you may speake as
wisely as some of us. Then sir, said the young man, my opinion is that
this Ape carrier is a gybing scoffing knave, and one that doth purpose
to make this towne a jesting mocking stocke throughout the whole
Kingdome: for was it ever knowne that a fellow should be so impudent
audacious, as to send a Warrant without either name or date, to a
Mayor of a towne, to the Queenes Lieutenant, and that he with his
brethren, their wives and families should be all commanded to come
before a _Jack an Apes?_ My counsell is, that you take him and
his Ape, with his man, and his dog, and whip the whole messe or
murrinal[F. 248] of them out of the towne, which I thinke will be much
for your credit if you doe.
At which words a grave man of the towne being much moved, said, My
friend, you have spoken little better than treason, for it is the
Queene's _Ape_, and therefore beware what you say; you say true, said
master Mayor, I muse who bad that saucy fellow come into our Company,
I pray thee, my friend, depart; I thinke you long to have us all
hanged. So in briefe hee was put out of the doores, for they were no
company for him. Well now, what is to bee done in this matter? Marry
(said another Senior) wee see by the Brooch in the mans hat that hee
is the Queenes man, and who knowes what power a knave may have in the
Court, to doe poore men wrong in the Country, let us goe and see the
_Ape_, it is but two pence a peece, and no doubt but it will be well
taken, and if it come to the Queenes eare, shee will thinke us kinde
people that would shew so much duty to her _Ape_, what may shee thinke
wee would doe to her Beares if they came hither? besides, it is above
200 miles to _London_, and if wee should bee complained on and fetched
up with Pursinants,[F. 249] whereas now every man may escape for his
two pence, Ile warrant it would cost us ten groats a peece at the
least. This counsell passed currant, and all the whole drove of the
townsmen, with wives and children, went to see the _Ape_, who was
sitting on a table with a chaine about his necke, to whom, master
Mayor (because it was the Queenes _Ape_) put off his hat, and made
a leg, but _Jacke_ let him passe unregarded. But mistris Mayoresse
comming next in her cleane linnen, held her hands before her belly,
and like a woman of good breeding, made a low curtsie, whilest
Jacke, (still Court-like) although (he) respected not the man, yet
to expresse his courtesie to his wife, hee put forth his paw towardes
her, and made a mouth, which the woman perceiving, said, Husband,
I doe think in my Conscience that the Queenes _Ape_ doth mock mee:
whereat Jacke made another mouth at her, which master Mayor espying,
was very angry, saying, Sirrah, thou _Ape_, I doe see thy saucinesse,
and if the rest of the courtiers have no more manners than thou hast
then they have all bin better fed than taught: and I will make thee
know before thou goest from hence, that this woman is my wife, an
ancient woman, and a midwife, and one that might bee thy mother for
age.
In this rage master Mayor went to the Inne doore, where _Jack an Apes_
tutor was gathering of money, to whom hee said, Sir, doe you allow
your _Ape_ to abuse my Wife? No sir, quoth the other, not by any
meanes; truly, said the Mayor, there is witnesse enough within that
have seene him make mops and mowes at her, as if shee were not worthy
to wipe his shooes, and I will not so put it up. _Jack's_ tutor
replyed, Sir, I will presently give him condigne punishment; and
straight hee tooke his Flanders blade, his Whip, and holdinge his
_Ape_ by the chaine, hee gave him halfe a dozen jerks, which made his
teeth daunce in his head like so many Virginal Jackes:[F. 250] Which
master Mayor perceiving, ranne to him, and held his hands, saying,
enough, enough, good Sir, you have done like a Gentleman, let mee
intreat you not to give correction in your wrath; and I pray you and
your _Ape_ after the Play is done, to come to my house and sup with
mee and my wife.
[Footnote 248: Or all four of them. A corruption of murnival
or mournival. The "Compleat Gamester" says, "A _Mournival_ is
either all the aces, the four kings, queens or knaves, and a
_gleck_ is three of any of the aforesaid."]
[Footnote 249: Pursuivants]
[Footnote 250: A jack was usually made of pear tree, and
rested on the back end of the key lever. It had a movable
tongue of holly working in a centre and kept in its place by
a bristle spring. A thorn or spike of crow quill projects at
right angles from the tongue. On the key being depressed,
the jack is forced upwards, and the quill is brought to the
string, which it twangs in passing. Queen Elizabeth's virginal
has fifty jacks and quills.]
[17.] King James keeping his Court at _Theobalds_,[F. 251] in a time
of some contagion, divers Constables with their watchmen were set
at several places to hinder the concourse of people from flocking
thither, without some necessary occasion: Amongst others, one
Gentleman (being somewhat in the Garb of a Serving man) was examined
what Lord he belonged unto? To which he readily replyed, _To the Lord
Jehovah_: which words being beyond the Constables understanding, he
asked his Watchmen, if they knew any such Lord? They replyed No--:
However the Constable being unwilling to give distast, said, Well,
let him pass, notwithstanding; _I believe it is some Scottish Lord or
other_.
[Footnote 251: Is in the parish of Cheshunt, co. Hertford.
Was originally the seat of Lord Burleigh, whom Elizabeth
frequently visited. It was used as a hunting lodge by James
I., and Charles I. often resided there. William III. gave it
to his friend Bentinck, Earl of Portland. In 1765 the remains
of the old palace were pulled down, and the new mansion is now
the seat of Sir Henry Meux, Bart.]
[26.] A Gentleman having drank very hard at the Kings Head Tavern,
came Reeling out up _Chancery Lane_, and chanced to Reel within the
Rails of the Pump, and kept his motion round so long that he was
tired; whereupon, leaning on the Rail he askt one that passed by,
where he was; he told him over against the _Chancery_. I thought so
(says he) and thats the Reason I think I shall never get out of this
place.
[94.] A Welchman that had one of his own Countrey men waiting upon
him, went to see a Comedy, and drawing out a Purse of gold and silver
at the door, was espied by a Cut purse and dog'd, who seated himself
close by him, his servant having all this while a careful eye towards
his Master, and jealous of the Cut purse, so that whilest his Master
was minding his sport, the Cheater got all his gold and silver out
of his pocket, and was about to be gone. The little Welchman's blood
rising at it, presently drew out his knife, and cut off his ear, which
made the fellow startle, and troubled with the smart thereof, ask't
what he meant by it? To whom the Welchman replied, shewing him his ear
in his hand, No great harm friend, onely give hur Master hur purse,
and I will give hur hur ear.
[105.] _Scogin_ waxing sicker and sicker, his friends advertised him
to make his Testament, and to shew where he would lye after hee was
dead: Friends, said _Scogin_, when I came into this World, I brought
nothing with me, and when I shall depart out of this world, I shall
take nothing away but a sheet; take you the sheet, and let mee have
the beginning againe naked. And if you cannot doe this for me, I pray
you that I may be buried at the East side of Westminster, under one
of the spouts of the leads, for I have ever loved good drinke all the
dayes of my life, and there was he buried.
When the extreame pangs of death came upon _Scogin_, the holy Candle
was put in his hand to blesse himselfe. When _Scogin_ had done so, in
surrendring thankes to God, hee said, Now the proverbe is fulfilled,
that he that worst may shall hold the Candle, for ever the weakest is
thrust to the wall.
_On the syllable_ Con.
[17.] Dogs concurr, Steeples conspire, wheels converse, Lawyers
contend, and Nurses can tend too, Foxes consent, Minors condescend,
Women conceive, Apple mongers consider, Millstones contrive, Prisoners
congeal, Rope makers concord, Scriveners condition, Faggotters
combine, Jaylors confine, Sick men consume, Drums convene, and Scolds
can vex, Commanders conduct, great Officers controul, Ducks can
dive, Mourners condole, Clouds condense, great Schollars convince,
Parishioners Congregate, Country Shoemakers contribute, viz Countrey
boot, Gamesters are concise which does not much Conduce to their
winning, grave Counsellors conceal, Cardinals conclave, School boys
construe, Countrey fellows conjoble,[F. 252] Judges condemn, Friars
confess, Jesuites confute, and Friends conferr together. Politicians
consult, Blind men connive, and Cutlers connive too. Proud men
contemn, Disputants contest together, Landlords confirm, and their
Tenants can farm any thing they let out; Bells convoke, that is call
Vokes together, Smiths contaminate, defile, that is do file, and I,
like an Epilogue _conclude_.