(_By a Parasyllabic Swain._)
My lovylade, I peg and bray
That you will pun my joint to-day;
And we will, dreaming o'er the stodge,
In some remote lackwater bodge.
We'll take a man JOE, bandoline,
And hick-cup, as we slop between
The bangled tanks--we'll sink and drip,
And strum the things on board our ship.
List to my lovesick, mew, and come
Far from the giddy, higgling gum!
Relaying hearses, we will croon,
And through each glowering hide we'll _spoon!_
* * * * *
Advertisement (_in "Standard"_).--"_Great Yarmouth. Small House. Close
Aquarium and sea. Servant left._" Who was there when "servant left"?
Also why "close Aquarium and sea"? Perhaps easy but unwise to close the
former, but quite impossible to shut up the latter.
* * * * *
"GOOD BIS"-LEY. "TELL THAT TO THE MARINES."--The United
Services Cup was adjudged to the Marines at Bisley. In this competition
the Marines were the best, "all told."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A LABOUR OF LOVE!
_Benevolent Lady_ (_who has with infinite trouble organised a Country
Excursion for some overworked London Dressmakers_). "THEN MIND
YOU'RE AT THE STATION AT NINE TO-MORROW, ELIZA. I DO HOPE IT WON'T
RAIN!"
"_RINE_, MISS! I 'OWP NOT, TO BE SURE! THE COUNTRY'S BAD ENOUGH
WHEN IT'S _FOINE_, YN'T IT, MISS?"]
* * * * *
A SMOKING CHRISTIAN CONCERT.--In these smoking hot July days a
Smoking Mission seems a good notion. Yet the Baccy-nalian missionaries
may probably have to say, "We have pipe'd unto you, and you have not
responded," except as long as the supply held out. Will there be
distributed tracts entitled _A Bird's Eye View of Heaven_, _A Short Cut
to Truth_, _Returns to Virtue_, _What is Life?_--_A Mixture!_
* * * * *
PROVERB À PROPOS OF LATEST NEW WALTZ, "KING GRETCHEN."--"It's
the last STRAUSS that breaks the record."
* * * * *
BAWBEES ACROSS THE BORDER.--The _Dundee Advertiser_ has
recently published a table showing the distribution of Ministerial
salaries amongst Peers, Liberal Unionists, and Scotchmen. According
to our canny contemporary, "Scotland fares badly in the new
Administration." The reason for this lament is found in the fact
that the share of Caledonia--"the spoil is taken chiefly by the Clan
Balfour," remarks the _D. A._--amounts only to £12,425. And yet this
sum represents the "banging" of a good many "saxpences." North Britain
is unreasonable!
* * * * *