One other point of which I must speak in this connection is the
difficulty I experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually
when in the midst of the confusion I have described. Could I be saved
at all when in such a state? Did I need to repent, or only try to do
better? Were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins, or only
mistakes? Fortunately, I was advised not to try to figure out so
carefully what was sin and what was not, but to present to Jesus
anything that troubled me, and to trust him implicitly to work in me
the victory that I needed. By humbly confessing my weakness and claiming
the promise of Phil. 2:13, "For it is God that worketh in you both to
will and to do his good pleasure," I was enabled to gain victory almost
immediately over many faults and failures with which I had wrestled long
and over which I could never have gotten victory if I had spent my time
picking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of
which I needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake. I felt that God was
pleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for
correction any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not.
It would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were
wrought in me by these experiences. Suffice it to say that life has been
different ever since. Not that I have always felt the Lord just as near,
for he has needed to remind me of the lessons I have recorded and to
teach me others; but whether he seems near or far, Satan has never
succeeded in making me fear and doubt. I have learned that whether God
leads in light or in darkness, he IS leading and I have nothing to fear.
If darkness comes upon me, it is for a purpose, and I can wait patiently
upon him until he makes that purpose known. Submissively to wait and
patiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part. His
part is to lead and take care of me, and this, I am sure, he will do
unto the end. Therefore I have no responsibility except to go on obeying
and trusting him. Whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others
I lay at his feet, expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be
in myself, or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others.
And thus my soul has reached and abides in that "wealthy place" where
no harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace.