Happy is the child of God who can say that from the day of his
conversion he has never sinned nor grieved the Spirit of God. Such,
however, has not been the experience of the writer. For several years
I was plunged, sometimes within the space of a few hours, from extreme
happiness and joy into deepest gloom and sadness. Weeks of walking in
the joy of the Lord often terminated in some sad failure, causing untold
misery of soul. When faith again gained the victory, praises in the day
and songs in the night were mine until some other episode or depression
of feeling caused me anxiety and fear. In spite of God's matchless grace
and patient endeavor to teach me the lessons of absolute dependence and
humble trust in him, this condition continued until gradually and almost
imperceptibly my soul reached a place where I seemed past feeling, joy
was no longer mine, love seemed a sensation foreign to my heart, the
power of prayer was gone, and I felt that God had indeed forsaken me. My
testimonies (for I was not conscious of any sin and could not give up my
hope in Christ) sounded to my own ears as "tinkling cymbal and sounding
brass."
That a soul who commits no known sin and who never loses the
determination to serve God could get into such a state seems incredible.
Such, however, was my condition, and I have met some who are on the way
to just such a place of confusion, others who have reached and are now
suffering in the same state of misery, and still others who have passed
through and found that sweet rest of soul so plainly promised to all who
come to Jesus. Such, then, as may be passing through or who are entering
upon such experiences, I trust to be able to show how my feet came to
sink into the miry clay and how at last God graciously set me upon the
solid rock of his eternal truth and gave me new songs of praise and love
once again.