Satan at last overdid himself; and by the help of kind friends, I
discerned his devices and the extremes to which I had been driven. Once
the following lines were quoted to me: "If you want to be distracted,
look about you; if you would be miserable, look within; but if you would
be happy, look to Jesus." These I shall never forget. A friend also
pointed out the fact that I was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse.
He said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as
the constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health.
Just as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with
heart-trouble, so the same habit in the spiritual realm would, if
continually indulged, prove disastrous to constant peace and victory.
It took some time to throw off entirely the "straight jacket" which had
been imposed upon me; but by patient persistence, with God's grace, I
was made an overcomer. I was taught to discern the difference between
accusations and the workings of the Spirit of God. The voice of the
accuser is harsh, cruel, nagging, or exacting; God's Spirit is mild,
gentle, and encouraging. When God's Spirit reveals anything, it is made
clear and plain. The accuser bewilders, confuses, and discourages. I
also learned that our kind heavenly Father is not watching for an
opportunity to cast us off, but rather he is seeking by the wooings of
his gentle Spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still
waters, where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the
battles and trials of life. He will show us our shortcomings, but not
in a way that will discourage or crush us.
Oftentimes while I was under such crushing accusations, the tempter
would say, "How can you ever hope to preach the gospel, when you are so
unsettled in your own experience?" One day there came to my mind the
scripture in Eph. 3:20, which says that he is able to do exceeding
abundantly above all that we can ask or think. I decided that in some
way God would work out his purpose concerning my life if I would
patiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability.