IF I only had my own house in Portman Street,' Lady Torquilin remarked
next day when we were having our tea in her flat, 'I could make you a
great deal more comfy. Here we are just a bit cramped--"crowded," as you
say in America. But you can't eat your cake and have it too.'
'Which have you done, Lady Torquilin,' I inquired, 'with your cake?'
'Let it,' said my friend--'twenty-five guineas a week, my dear, which is
something to a poor woman. Last season it only brought twenty, and cost
me a fortune to get it clean again after the pigs who lived in it. For
the extra five I have to be thankful to the Duchess.'
'Did you really let it to a Duchess?' I asked, with deep interest. 'How
lovely!'
'Indeed I did not! But the Duchess came to live round the corner,
and rents went up in consequence. You don't know what it means to
property-owners in London to have a duchess living round the corner,
my child. It means everything. Not that I'm freehold in Portman
Street--I've only a lease,' and Lady Torquilin sighed. This led
us naturally into matters of finance, and we had a nice, sensible,
practical discussion about our joint expenses. It doesn't matter to
anybody what our arrangement was, but I must say that I found great
occasion for protest against its liberality towards me. 'Nonsense!' said
Lady Torquilin, invariably; 'don't be a foolish kitten! It's probably
less than you would pay at a good private hotel--that's the advantage to
you. Every time we take a hansom it will be only sixpence each instead
of a shilling--that's the advantage to me; and no small advantage it is,
for cabs are my ruin. And you'll save me plenty of steps, I'm sure, my
dear! So there, say no more about it, but go and get your boxes.'
So I drove back to the Métropole finally, and as I locked my last trunk
I noticed a fresh card on the mantelpiece. It was another of Mr. Charles
Mafferton's; and on the back was written in pencil: 'I hope you are
meeting with no difficulties. Should be glad to be of use in any way.
Please let me know your permanent address as soon as possible, as the
mother and sisters would like to call upon you.--G. M.' This was nice
and kind and friendly, and I tried in vain to reconcile it with what I
had heard of English stiffness and exclusiveness and reserve. I would
write to Mr. Mafferton, I thought, that very night. I supposed that by
the mother he meant his own, but it struck me as a curious expression.
In America we specify our parents, and a reference to 'the mother' there
would probably be held to refer back to Eve. But in England you like all
kinds of distinguishing articles, don't you?
Lady Torquilin's flat was a new one, of the regular American kind--not a
second or third floor in an old-fashioned London house--and had a share,
I am thankful to say, in a primitive elevator. The elevator was very
small, but the man in the lower hall seemed to stand greatly in awe of
it. 'To get them there boxes up in this 'ere lift, miss,' he said, when
I and my trunks presented ourselves, 'she'll 'ave to make three trips at
least'--and he looked at me rather reproachfully. 'Ware do you want
'em put out?' I said, 'Lady Torquilin's flat.' 'That's Number Four,'
he commented, 'a good ways up. If you wouldn't mind a h'extra sixpence,
miss, I could get a man off the street to 'elp me with 'em--they do be a
size!' I said by all means, and presently my impedimenta were ascending
with much deliberate circumstance, one piece at a time. The acoustic
properties of Cadogan Mansions are remarkable. Standing at the foot of
that elevator, encouraging its labours as it were, I could not possibly
help overhearing Lady Torquilin's reception of my trunks, mingled with
the more subdued voices of her housemaids. It was such a warm reception,
expressed in such graphic terms, that I thought I ought to be present
myself to acknowledge it; and the man put on two ordinary-sized valises
next, to allow me to go up at the same time. 'We've got our orders,
miss, to be pertickeler about wot she carries, miss,' he said, when I
thought a trunk or two might accompany me. 'You see, if anything went
wrong with 'er works, miss, there's no sayin' ware we'd be!'--and we
solemnly began to rise. 'Ladies in the Mansions don't generally use the
lift such a very great deal,' he remarked further, 'especially goin'
down. They complain of the sinkin'.'
'I shall always go up and down in it,' I said. 'I don't mind the
sinking. I'm used to it.'
'Very well, miss. You 'ave only to press the button and she'll come up;
an' a great convenience you'll find 'er, miss,' he returned, resignedly,
unlocking the grated door on Lady Torquilin's flat, where my hostess
stood with her hands folded, and two maids respectfully behind her,
regarding the first instalment of my baggage. After she had welcomed me:
'It's curiosity in its way,' said Lady Torquilin; 'but what's to be done
with it, the dear only knows--unless we sublet it.' It required some
strength of mind to tell her that there were two more coming up.
The next one she called an abnormity, and the third she called a
barn--simply. And I must say my trunks did look imposing in Lady
Torquilin's flat. Finally, however, by the exercise of ingenuity on our
parts and muscle on the maids', we got the whole of my baggage 'settled
up,' as Lady Torquilin expressed it, and I was ready for my first
approved and endorsed experience in your metropolis.
It came that afternoon. 'I am going to take you,' said Lady Torquilin at
lunch, 'to Mrs. Fry Hamilton's "at home." She likes Americans, and her
parties--"functions," as society idiots call it--disgusting word--are
generally rather "swagger," as they say. I daresay you'll enjoy it. Make
yourself as tidy as possible, mind. Put on your pretty grey; tuck in
that "fringe" of yours a bit too, my dear; and be ready by five sharp.'
'Don't you like my bangs, Lady Torquilin?'
'Say your fringe, child; people don't "bang" in England--except doors
and the piano. No, I can't say I'm fond of it. What were you given a
forehead for, if you were not intended to show it? I fancy I see Sir
Hector, when he was alive, allowing me to wear a fringe!' And Lady
Torquilin pushed my hair up in that fond, cheerful, heavy-handed way
people have, that makes you back away nervously and feel yourself
a fright. I went to my room wondering whether my affection for Lady
Torquilin would ever culminate in the sacrifice of my bangs. I could not
say, seriously, that I felt equal to it then.
We went to Mrs. Fry Hamilton's in a hansom--not, as Lady Torquilin said,
that she had the least objection to omnibuses, especially when they
didn't drop one at the very door, but because there were no omnibuses
very convenient to the part of Cromwell Road that Mrs. Fry Hamilton
lived in. We inspected several before Lady Torquilin made a
selection--rubber-tyred, yellow-wheeled, with a horse attached that
would hardly stand still while we got in. I was acutely miserable, he
went so fast; but Lady Torquilin liked it. 'He's perfectly fresh, poor
darling!' she said. 'It breaks my heart to drive behind a wretched
worn-out creature with its head down.' I said, Yes, I thought he was
very fresh indeed, and asked Lady Torquilin if she noticed how he
waggled his head. 'Dear beastie!' she replied, he's got a sore mouth.
Suppose your mouth were perfectly raw, and you had a bit in it, and a
man tugging at the reins----' But I couldn't stand it any longer; I put
my parasol up through the door in the top.
'Make him stop waggling!' I called to the driver. 'It's only a little 'abit of 'is, miss,' the driver said, and then, as the horse dropped his pace, he whipped him. Instantly Lady Torquilin's parasol admonished him. 'If you flog your horse,' she said emphatically, 'I get out.' I don't think I have ever driven in a hansom with Lady Torquilin since that our parasols have not both gone through the roof to point statements like these to the cabman, Lady Torquilin usually anguished on the dear horse's account, and I unhappy on my own. It enlivens the most monotonous drive, but it is a great strain on the nerves. I generally beg for a four-wheeler instead; but Lady Torquilin is contemptuous of four-wheelers, and declares she would just as soon drive in the British Museum. She says I will get used to it if I will only abstract my mind and talk about something else; and I am trying, but the process is a very painful one.
When we arrived at Mrs. Fry Hamilton's I rang the bell.
'Bless you, child!' said Lady Torquilin, 'that's not the way. They'll
take you for a nursery governess, or a piano-tuner, or a bill! This
is the proper thing for visitors.' And with that Lady Torquilin rapped
sonorously and rang a peal--such a rap and peal as I had never heard
in all my life before. In America we have only one kind of ring for
everybody--from the mayor of the city to the man who sells plaster
Cupids and will take old clothes on account. We approach each other's
door-bells, as a nation, with much greater deference; and there is a
certain humility in the way we introduce our personalities anywhere.
I felt uncomfortable on Mrs. Fry Hamilton's doorstep, as if I were not,
individually, worth all that noise. Since then I have been obliged to
rap and ring myself, because Lady Torquilin likes me to be as proper
as I can; but there is always an incompleteness about the rap and an
ineffectualness about the ring. I simply haven't the education to do
it. And when the footman opens the door I feel that my face expresses
deprecatingly, 'It's only me!' 'Rap and ring!' says Lady Torquilin,
deridingly, 'it's a tap and tinkle!' Lady Torquilin is fond of
alliteration.
Inside quite a few people were ascending and descending a narrow
staircase that climbed against the wall, taking up as little room as
it could; and a great many were in the room on the ground-floor, where
refreshments were being dispensed. They were all beautifully dressed--if
I have learned anything in England, it is not to judge the English
by the clothes they wear in America--and they moved about with great
precision, making, as a general thing, that pleasant rustle which
we know to mean a silk foundation. The rustle was the only form of
conversation that appeared to be general, but I noticed speaking going
on in several groups of two or three. And I never saw better going up
and down stairs--it was beautifully done, even by ladies weighing, I
should think, quite two hundred pounds apiece, which you must reduce to
"stun" for yourself. Lady Torquilin led the way with great simplicity
and directness into the dining-room, and got tea for us both from one of
the three white-capped modestly-expressionless maids behind the
table--I cannot tell you what a dream of peace your servants are in
this country--and asked me whether I would have sponge-cake, or a
cress sandwich, or what. 'But,' I said, 'where is Mrs. Fry Hamilton?--I
haven't been introduced.'
'All in good time,' said Lady Torquilin. 'It's just as well to take our
tea when we can get it--we won't be able to turn round in here in half
an hour!'--and Lady Torquilin took another sandwich with composure. 'Try
the plum-cake,' she advised me in an aside. 'Buszard----I can tell at a
glance! I have to deny myself.'
And I tried the plum-cake, but with a sense of guilty apprehension
lest Mrs. Fry Hamilton should appear in the doorway and be naturally
surprised at the consumption of her refreshments by an utter stranger.
I noticed that almost everybody else did the same thing, and that nobody
seemed at all nervous; but I occupied as much of Lady Torquilin's shadow
as I could, all the same, and on the way up implored her, saying,
'Have I any crumbs?' I felt that it would require more hardihood than
I possessed to face Mrs. Fry Hamilton with shreds of her substance,
acquired before I knew her, clinging to my person. But concealment was
useless, and seemed to be unnecessary.
'Have you had any tea?' said Mrs. Fry Hamilton to Lady Torquilin, her
question embracing us both, as we passed before her; and Lady Torquilin
said, 'Yes, thanks,' as nonchalantly as possible.
Lady Torquilin had just time to say that I was an American.
'Really!' remarked Mrs. Fry Hamilton, looking at me again. 'How nice.
The only one I have to-day, I think.' And we had to make room for
somebody else. But it was then that the curious sensation of being
attached to a string and led about, which I have felt more or less in
London ever since, occurred to me first--in the statement that I was the
only one Mrs. Fry Hamilton had to-day.
Lady Torquilin declared, as she looked round the room, that she didn t
see a soul she knew; so we made our way to a corner and sat down, and
began to talk in those uninterested spasms that always attack people
who come with each other. Presently--'There is that nice little Mrs.
Pastelle-Jones!' said Lady Torquilin, 'I must go and speak to her!'--and
I was left alone, with the opportunity of admiring the china. I don't
wonder at your fondness for it in London drawing-rooms. It seems to be
the only thing that you can keep clean. So many people were filing in
past Mrs. Fry Hamilton, however, that the china soon lost its interest
for me. The people were chiefly ladies--an impressive number of old,
stout, rosy, white-haired ladies in black, who gave me the idea of
remarkable health at their age; more middle-aged ones, rather inclined
to be pale and thin, with narrow cheek-bones, and high-arched noses, and
sweet expressions, and a great deal of black lace and jet, much puffed
on the shoulders; and young ones, who were, of course, the very first
English young ladies I had ever seen in an English drawing-room. I
suppose you are accustomed to them; you don't know what they were
to me--you couldn't understand the intense interest and wonder and
admiration they excited in me. I had never seen anything human so tall
and strong and fine and fresh-coloured before, with such clear limpid
eyes, such pretty red lips, and the outward showing of such excellent
appetites. It seemed to me that everyone was an epitome of her early
years of bread-and-butter and milk puddings and going to bed at
half-past nine, and the epitomes had a charming similarity. The English
young lady stood before me in Mrs. Fry Hamilton's drawing-room as an
extraordinary product--in almost all cases five-eight, and in some quite
six feet in height. Her little mamma was dwarfed beside her, and when
she smiled down upon the occasional man who was introduced to her, in
her tall, compassionate way, he looked quite insignificant, even if he
carried the square, turned-back shoulders by which I have learned to
tell military men in this country. We have nothing like it in America,
on the same scale; although we have a great deal more air to breathe and
vegetables to eat than you. I knew that I had always been considered
'a big girl,' but beside these firm-fleshed young women I felt myself
rather a poor creature, without a muscular advantage to my name. They
smiled a good deal, but I did not see them talk much--it seemed enough
for them to be; and they had a considering air, as if things were new to
them, and they had not quite made up their minds. And as they considered
they blushed a good deal, in a way that was simply sweet. As I sat
musing upon them I saw Lady Torquilin advancing toward me, with one
of the tallest, pinkest, best-developed, and most tailor-made of all
immediately behind her, following, with her chin outstretched a little,
and her eyes downcast, and a pretty expression of doing what she was
told.
'My dear,' said Lady Torquilin, 'this is Miss Gladys Fortescue.
Gladys--Miss Wick, my young lady friend from Chicago. Miss Fortescue has
a brother in America, so you will have something to chat about.'
'Howdj-do?' said Miss Fortescue. She said it very quickly, with a
sweet smile, and an interesting little mechanical movement of the head,
blushing at the same time; and we shook hands. That is, I think one of
us did, though I can't say positively which one it was. As I remember
the process, there were two shakes; but they were not shakes that ran
into each other, and one of them--I think it was mine--failed to 'come
off,' as you say in tennis. Mine was the shake that begins nowhere in
particular, and ends without your knowing it--just the ordinary American
shake arranged on the muscular system in common use with us. Miss
Fortescue's was a rapid, convulsive movement, that sprang from her
shoulder and culminated with a certain violence. There was a little push
in it, too, and it exploded, as it were, high in air. At the same time I
noticed the spectacles of a small man who stood near very much in peril
from Miss Fortescue's elbow. Then I remembered and understood the sense
of dislocation I had experienced after shaking hands with Mrs. Fry
Hamilton, and which I had attributed, in the confusion of the moment, to
being held up, so to speak, as an American.
'Do you know my brother?' said Miss Fortescue.
'I am afraid not,' I replied. 'Where does he live?'
'In the United States,' said Miss Fortescue. 'He went out there six
months ago with a friend. Perhaps you know his friend--Mr. Colfax.'
I said I knew two or three Mr. Colfaxes, but none of them were
English--had not been, at least, for some time back; and did Miss
Fortescue know what particular part of the Union her brother and his
friend had gone to? 'You know,' I said, 'we have an area of three
million square miles,' I daresay I mentioned our area with a certain
pardonable pride. It's a thing we generally make a point of in America.
I shouldn't have thought there was anything particularly humorous in
an area, but Miss Fortescue laughed prettily. 'I remember learning that
from my governess,' she said. 'My brother is out in the West--either
in the town of Minneapolis and the State of Minnesota, or the town of
Minnesota and the State of Minneapolis. I never know, without looking
out his address, which comes first. But I daresay there are a good many
people in the United States--you might easily miss him.'
'We have sixty millions, Miss Fortescue,' I said; and Miss Fortescue
returned that in that case she didn't see how we could be expected to
know anybody; and after that the conversation flagged for a few seconds,
during which we both looked at the other people.
'I have never been to America,' Miss Fortescue said. 'I should like to
go. Is it very cold?'