'Mrs. Torquilin,' I said, 'this is my relation, Mrs. Portheris. Mrs.
Portheris--Mrs. Torquilin.' In America we always introduce.
But I was astonished at the change in Mrs. Torquilin. She seemed to
have grown quite two inches taller, and she was regarding Mrs. Portheris
through a pair of eyeglasses on a stick in the most inexplicable manner,
with her mouth set very firmly indeed in a sort of contemptuous smile.
'Mrs. Cummers Portheris!' she said. 'Yes, I think Mrs. Cummers Portheris
knows me. You did not tell me, dear, that Mrs. Portheris was your
relation--but you need not fear that I shall think any the less of you
for that.'
'Heppy,' said Mrs. Portheris, throwing up her chin, but looking
distinctly nervous, 'your temper is much the same, I am sorry to see, as
it always was.'
Mrs. Torquilin opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again
resolutely, with an expression of infinite disdain. Then, to my
surprise, she took a chair, in a way that told me distinctly of her
intention not to desert me. I felt at the moment that I would have given
anything to be deserted--the situation was so very embarrassing. The
only thing I could think of to do was to ask Miss Purkiss if she and
Mrs. Portheris wouldn't have some lunch. Miss Purkiss looked quite
cheerful for a moment, and began to unbutton her glove; but her
countenance fell when my unfeeling relation forbade her with a look, and
said: 'Thank you, no, Miss Wick! Having waited so long, we can easily
manage without food a little longer. Let us get to our arrangements.
Perhaps Miss Purkiss will tell Miss Wick what she has to offer her.'
Mrs. Portheris was evidently trying to ignore Mrs. Torquilin, and
sat offensively, and sideways to her; but she could not keep the
apprehension out of her eye.
'Certainly!' I said; 'but Miss Purkiss must have something.' I was
determined to decline, but I wished to do it as mercifully as possible.
'Tell somebody,' I said to a servant who had come up to poke the fire,
'to bring up some claret and crackers.'
'Biscuits, child,' put in Mrs. Torquilin, 'is what you mean. Biscuits
the young lady means'--to the servant--'and be sharp about it, for we
want to go out immediately.' Then--'May I ask what arrangements you were
thinking of offering Miss Wick?'--to Miss Purkiss.
Miss Purkiss began, quaveringly, that she had never done such a thing in
her life before, but as Mrs. Portheris particularly wished it----
'For your own good, Jane,' interrupted Mrs. Portheris; 'entirely for
your own good. I don't call that gratitude.'
Miss Purkiss hastily admitted that it was for her own good, of course,
and that Mrs. Portheris knew her far too well to believe for a moment
that she was not grateful; but I could have a nice back bedroom on the
second floor, and the use of her sitting-room all day, and I, being
recommended by Mrs. Portheris, she wouldn't think of many extras. Well,
if there were fires, lights, the use of the bath and piano, boots, and
friends to meals, that would be all.
'It is quite impossible!' said Mrs. Torquilin. 'I'm sorry you had the
trouble of coming. In the first place, I fear my young friend,' with
emphasis and a cursory glance at Mrs. Portheris's chair, 'would find it
dull in Upper Baker Street. In the second'--Mrs. Torquilin hesitated for
a moment, and then made the plunge--'I have taken a flat for the season,
and Miss Wick is coming to me. I believe that is our little plan, my
dear'--with a meaning smile to me. Then Mrs. Torquilin looked at
Mrs. Portheris as if she were wondering whether there could be any
discoverable reason why my relation should stay any longer. Mrs.
Portheris rose, routed, but with a calm eye and a steady front. 'In that
case I hope you will be forbearing with her, Heppy,' she said. 'Remember
that she is a stranger to our ways of thinking and doing, and has
probably never had the advantages of up-bringing that you and I have. I
have no doubt, however, that my nephew, Colonel Wick, has done his best
for her. As you are probably aware, he is worth his million.'
Mrs. Torquilin missed the sarcasm. 'Not I!' she returned, coolly;
'but I'm sure I'm very glad to hear it, for Miss Wick's sake. As to my
temper, I've noticed that those know most about it who best deserve it.
I don't think you need worry yourself about your young connection, Mrs.
Cummers Portheris.'
'No,' said I, meekly; 'I should hate to be a weight on your mind.'
Mrs. Portheris took my hand in quite an affecting manner.
'Then I leave you, Miss Wick,' she said, 'to this lady--and to
Providence.'
'Between them,' I said, 'I ought to have a very good time.' Mrs. Portheris dropped my hand. 'I feel,' she said, 'that I have done my part toward you; but remember, if ever you want a home, Miss Purkiss will take you in. When in doubt----'
'Play trumps!' said Mrs. Torquilin from the window, where she stood
with her back to all of us. 'I always do. Is that your carriage waiting
outside, Mrs. Cummers Portheris?'
'It is,' said my relation, betrayed into asperity. 'I hope you have no
objection to it!'
'Oh, none--not the least. But the horses seem very restive.'
'Come, Miss Purkiss!' said my relation.
'The wine and biscuits, dear love,' said Miss Purkiss, 'are just
arriving.'
But Mrs. Portheris was bowing, with stately indefiniteness, to Mrs.
Torquilin's back.
'Come, Miss Purkiss!' she commanded again. 'You can get a sandwich at
the "A. B. C."'
And Miss Purkiss arose and followed my relation, which was the saddest
thing of all.
As soon as they were well out of the room, Mrs. Torquilin turned
round. 'I suppose you'll wonder about the why and wherefore of all this
turn-up,' she said to me, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling.
'It's a long story, and I'll tell you another time. But it comes to this
in the end--that creature and I married into the same family. My husband
and the late John Portheris, poor fellow, were step-brothers; and that
old cat had the impudence--but there's no use going into it now. All I
have to say is, she generally meets her match when she meets me.
I'll put up with no hanky-panky work from Mrs. Cummers Portheris, my
dear--and well she knows it!'
'It was certainly nice of you to help me out of the difficulty, Mrs.
Torquilin,' I said, 'for I'd rather go anywhere than to Miss Purkiss's;
but I'm sorry you had to----'
'Tell a tarradiddle? Not a bit of it, my dear--I meant it. Two are
better than one, any day--I've plenty of room in my little flat, and if
you like to share the expenses, I'll not object. At all events, we
can but try it, and it will be showing very good feeling towards the
Maffertons. I'm not a great hand for junketing, mind you, but we'll
manage to amuse ourselves a little--a little giddy-goating does nobody
any harm.'
Then I kissed Mrs. Torquilin, and she kissed me, and I told her
how extremely obliged I was to her, and asked her if she had really
considered it; and Mrs. Torquilin said, wasn't it enough that I should
be left to 'that woman,' meaning my relation, and that I should come
next day to see how we could best arrange matters. 'And while I think
of it, child, here is my address,' my friend continued, taking out her
card-case, and watching me very carefully, with a little smile about her
mouth. I looked at it. I think my embarrassment gratified her a little,
for the card read, 'Lady Torquilin, 102 Cadogan Mansions, S.W.' I didn't
know what to say. And I had been calling a lady of title 'Mrs.' all this
time! Still, I reflected, she would hardly have been so nice to me if
I had offended her very much, and if she had been particular about her
title she could have mentioned it.
'It seems,' I said, 'that I have been making a mistake. I expected to
make mistakes in this country; but I'm sorry I began with you.'
'Nonsense, child!' she returned. 'It was just my little joke--and I
made Charlie Mafferton keep it. There's precious little in the handle
I assure you--except an extra half-crown in one's bills!' And Lady
Torquilin gave me her hand to say good-bye.
'Good-bye,' I said; 'I think handles are nice all the same.' And
then--it is an uncomfortable thing to write, but it happened--I thought
of something. I was determined to make no more mistakes if asking would
prevent it.
'Please tell me,' I said, 'for you see I can't possibly know--am I to
call you "your ladyship," or "my lady"?'
'Now don't talk rubbish!' said Lady Torquilin. 'You're to call me by my
name. You are too quaint. Be a good child--and don't be late to-morrow.'