Sister Daniella has found herself in straits again; constrained, it would
seem, by the Spirit, to action not endorsed by her religious superiors.
Possibly she wished, following the example of Catherine, to leave her
cloister and take part in the public life of her time. Catherine herself
had been in like straits during much of her early life. Well she knew, as
St. Francis knew before her, the suffering of that inward conflict, when
the Voice of God summons one way, and the voices of men, reinforced by
that instinct of humility and obedience which the middle ages held so
dear, insist upon another. She writes to her friend with comprehending
sympathy. Daniella, as we have already seen, was a woman who understood
her and whom she understood. And it must have been a relief to Catherine,
at this point in her career, for once to encourage ardour instead of
rebuking sin or seeking to inspire timidity. Our saint is so constantly on
the side of obedience, when, as not infrequently happens, some weak
brother or sister is restless under the yoke of vows, that we are sure she
must know her woman when she writes: "Fear and serve God, disregarding
yourself; and then do not care what people say unless it is to feel
compassion for them."
We see at the end of the letter that Catherine is on the point of going to
Rome. In fact, Urban had summoned her thither, being evidently alive to
the advantages of the support of one so famed for sanctity. In Rome the
remainder of her life was to be passed.
In the Name of Jesus Christ crucified and of sweet Mary:
Dearest daughter in Christ sweet Jesus: I Catherine, servant and slave of
the servants of Jesus Christ, write to you in His precious Blood: with
desire to see thee in true and very perfect light, that thou mayest know
the truth in perfection. Oh, how necessary this light is to us, dearest
daughter! For without it we cannot walk in the Way of Christ crucified, a
shining Way that brings us to life; without it we shall walk among shadows
and abide in great storm and bitterness. But, if I consider aright, it
behoves us to possess two orders of this light. There is a general light,
that every rational creature ought to have, for recognizing whom he ought
to love and obey--perceiving in the light of his mind by the pupil of most
holy faith, that he is bound to love and serve his Creator, loving Him
directly, with all his heart and mind, and obeying the commandments of the
law to love God above everything, and our neighbour as ourselves. These
are the principles by which all men beside ourselves are held. This is a
general light, which we are all bound by; and without it we shall die, and
shall follow, deprived of the life of grace, the darkened way of the
devil. But there is another light, which is not apart from this, but one
with it--nay, by this first, one attains to the second. There are those
who, observing the commandments of God, grow into another most perfect
light; these rise from imperfection with great and holy desire, and attain
unto perfection, observing both commandments and counsels in thought and
deed. One should use this light with hungry desire for the honour of God
and the salvation of souls, gazing therewith into the light of the sweet
and loving Word, where the soul tastes the ineffable love which God has to
His creatures, shown to us through that Word, who ran as enamoured to the
shameful death of the Cross, for the honour of the Father and for our
salvation.
When the soul has known this truth in the perfect light, it rises above
itself, above its natural instincts; with intense, sweet and loving
desires, it runs, following the footsteps of Christ crucified, bearing
pains, bearing shame, ridicule and insult with much persecution, from the
world, and often from the servants of God under pretext of virtue.
Hungrily it seeks the honour of God and the salvation of souls; and so
much does it delight in this glorious food, that it despises itself and
everything else: this alone it seeks, and abandons itself. In this perfect
light lived the glorious virgins and the other saints, who delighted only
in receiving this food with their Bridegroom, on the table of the Cross.
Now to us, dearest daughter and sweet my sister in Christ sweet Jesus, He
has shown such grace and mercy that He has placed us in the number of
those who have advanced from the general light to the particular--that is,
He has made us choose the perfect state of the Counsels: therefore we
ought to follow that sweet and straight way perfectly, in true light, not
looking back for any reason whatever; not walking in our own fashion but
in the fashion of God, enduring sufferings without fault even unto death,
rescuing the soul from the hands of devils. For this is the Way and the
Rule that the Eternal Truth has given thee; and He wrote it on His body,
not with ink, but with His Blood, in letters so big that no one is of such
low intelligence as to be excused from reading. Well thou seest the
initials of that Book, how great they are; and all show the truth of the
Eternal Father, the ineffable love with which we were created--this is the
truth--only that we might share His highest and eternal good. This our
Master is lifted up on high upon the pulpit of the Cross, in order that we
may better study it, and should not deceive ourselves, saying: "He teaches
this to me on earth, and not on high." Not so: for He ascended upon the
Cross, and uplifted there in pain, He seeks to exalt the honour of the
Father, and to restore the beauty of souls. Then let us read heartfelt
love, founded in truth, in this Book of Life. Lose thyself wholly; and the
more thou shalt lose the more thou shalt find; and God will not despise
thy desire. Nay, He will direct thee, and show thee what thou shouldst do;
and will enlighten him to whom thou mightest be subject, if thou dost
according to His counsel. For the soul that prays ought to have a holy
jealousy, and let it always rejoice to do whatever it does with the help
of prayer and counsel.
Thou didst write me, and as I understood from thy letter it seems that
thou art troubled in heart. And this is not a slight feeling; nay, it is
mighty, stronger than any other, when on the one side thou dost feel
thyself called by God in new ways, and His servants put themselves on the
contrary side, saying that this is not well. I have a very great
compassion for thee; for I know not what burden is like that, from the
jealousy the soul has for itself; for it cannot offer resistance to God,
and it would also fulfil the will of His servants, trusting more in their
light and knowledge than in its own; and yet it does not seem able to. Now
I reply to thee simply according to my low and poor sight. Do not make up
thy mind obstinately, but as thou feelest thyself called without thine own
doing, so respond. So, if thou dost see souls in danger, and thou canst
help them, do not close thine eyes, but exert thyself with perfect zeal to
help them, even to death. And never mind about thy past resolutions to
silence or anything else--lest it be said to thee later: "Cursed be thou,
that thou wast silent." Our every principle and foundation is in the love
of God and our neighbour alone; all our other activities are instruments
and buildings placed on this foundation. Therefore thou shouldst not, for
pleasure in the instrument or the building, desert the principal
foundation in the honour of God and the love of our neighbour. Work, then,
my daughter, in that field where thou seest that God calls thee to work;
and do not get distressed or anxious in mind over what I have said to
thee, but endure manfully. Fear and serve God, with no regard to thyself;
and then do not care for what people may say, except to have compassion on
them.
As to the desire thou hast to leave thy house and go to Rome, throw it
upon the will of thy Bridegroom, and if it shall be for His honour and thy
salvation, He will send thee means and the way when thou art thinking
nothing about it, in a way that thou wouldst never have imagined. Let Him
alone, and lose thyself; and beware that thou lose thee nowhere but on the
Cross, and there thou shalt find thyself most perfectly. But this thou
couldst not do without the perfect light; and therefore I said to thee
that I desired to see thee in the true and most perfect light, beyond the
common light we talked of.
Let us sleep no more! Let us wake from the slumber of negligence, groaning
with humble continual prayers, over the mystical Body of Holy Church, and
over the Vicar of Christ! Cease not to pray for him, that Christ may give
him light and fortitude to resist the strokes of incarnate demons, lovers
of themselves, who seek to contaminate our faith. It is a time for
weeping.
As to my coming thy way, pray the highest eternal Goodness of God to do
what may be for His honour and the salvation of the soul, and pray
especially, for I am on the point of going to Rome, to fulfil the will of
Christ crucified and of His Vicar. I do not know what way I shall take.
Pray Christ sweet Jesus to send us by that way which is most to His
honour, in peace and quiet of our souls. I say no more to thee. Remain in
the holy and sweet grace of God. Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love.