that I had my misses, my whores, my bastards, yea, two wives at once,
and the like. Now these slanders, with the other, I glory in, because
but slanders, foolish, or knavish lies, and falsehoods cast upon me by
the devil and his seed; and should I not be dealt with thus wickedly by
the world, I should want one sign of a saint, and a child of God.
“Blessed are ye [said the Lord Jesus] when men shall revile you, and
persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for
my sake; rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in
heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you”
(Matt 4:11).’
310. ‘These things, therefore, upon mine own account, trouble me not;
no, though they were twenty times more than they are. I have a good
conscience, and whereas they speak evil of me, as an evil doer, they
shall be ashamed that falsely accuse my good conversation in
Christ.[67]’
311. ‘So then, what shall I say to those that have thus bespattered me?
shall I threaten them? Shall I chide them? Shall I flatter them? Shall
I intreat them to hold their tongues? No, not I, were it not for that
these things make them ripe for damnation, that are the authors and
abettors, I would say unto them, Report it, because it will increase my
glory.’
312. ‘Therefore I bind these lies and slanders to me as an ornament, it
belongs to my Christian profession to be vilified, slandered,
reproached and reviled; and since all this is nothing else, as my God
and my conscience do bear me witness; I rejoice in reproaches for
Christ’s sake.’
313. ‘I also calling all those fools, or knaves, that have thus made it
anything of their business, to affirm any of the things afore-named of
me, namely, that I have been naught with other women, or the like. When
they have used to the utmost of their endeavours, and made the fullest
inquiry that they can, to prove against me truly, that there is any
woman in heaven, or earth, or hell, that can say, I have at any time,
in any place, by day or night, so much as attempted to be naught with
them; and speak I thus, to beg mine enemies into a good esteem of me;
no, not I: I will in this beg relief of no man; believe or disbelieve
me in this, all is a case to me.[68]’
314. ‘My foes have missed their mark in this their shooting at me. I am
not the man. I wish that they themselves be guiltless. If all the
fornicators and adulterers in England were hanged by the neck till they
be dead, JOHN BUNYAN, the object of their envy, would be still alive
and well. I know not whether there be such a thing as a woman breathing
under the copes of the whole heaven, but by their apparel, their
children, or by common fame, except my wife.’
315. ‘And in this I admire the wisdom of God, that he made me shy of
women from my first conversion until now. Those know, and can also bear
me witness, with whom I have been most intimately concerned, that it is
a rare thing to see me carry it pleasant towards a woman; the common
salutation of a woman I abhor, it is odious to me in whomsoever I see
it. Their company alone, I cannot away with. I seldom so much as touch
a woman’s hand, for I think these things are not so becoming me. When I
have seen good men salute those women that they have visited, or that
have visited them, I have at times made my objection against it, and
when they have answered, that it was but a piece of civility, I have
told them, it is not a comely sight; some indeed have urged the holy
kiss; but then I have asked why they made baulks,[69] why they did
salute the most handsome, and let the ill-favoured go; thus, how
laudable soever such things have been in the eyes of others, they have
been unseemly in my sight.’
316. ‘And now for a wind up in this matter, I calling not only men, but
angels, to prove me guilty of having carnally to do with any woman save
my wife, nor am I afraid to do it a second time, knowing that I cannot
offend the Lord in such a case, to call God for a record upon my soul,
that in these things I am innocent. Not that I have been thus kept,
because of any goodness in me more than any other, but God has been
merciful to me, and has kept me; to whom I pray that he will keep me
still, not only from this, but from every evil way and work, and
preserve me to his heavenly kingdom. Amen.’
317. ‘Now as Satan laboured by reproaches and slanders, to make me vile
among my countrymen, that if possible, my preaching might be made of
none effect, so there was added hereto a long and tedious imprisonment,
that thereby I might be frighted from my service for Christ, and the
world terrified, and made afraid to hear me preach, of which I shall in
the next place give you a brief account.’
[A BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR’S IMPRISONMENT]
318. Having made profession of the glorious gospel of Christ a long
time, and preached the same about five years, I was apprehended at a
meeting of good people in the country, among whom, had they let me
alone, I should have preached that day, but they took me away from
amongst them, and had me before a justice; who, after I had offered
security for my appearing at the next sessions, yet committed me,
because my sureties would not consent to be bound that I should preach
no more to the people.
319. At the sessions after, I was indicted for an upholder and
maintainer of unlawful assemblies and conventicles, and for not
conforming to the national worship of the Church of England; and after
some conference there with the justices, ‘they taking my plain dealing
with them for a confession, as they termed it, of the indictment,’ did
sentence me to perpetual banishment, because I refused to conform. So
being again delivered up to the jailer’s hands, I was had home to
prison again, and there have lain now[70] ‘complete twelve years,’
waiting to see what God would suffer these men to do with me.
320. In which condition I have continued with much content, through
grace, but have met with many turnings and goings upon my heart, both
from the Lord, Satan, and my own corruptions; by all which, glory be to
Jesus Christ, I have also received among many things, much conviction,
instruction, and understanding, of which at large I shall not here
discourse; only give you in a hint or two, a word that may stir up the
godly to bless God, and to pray for me; and also to take encouragement,
should the case be their own, not to fear what man can do unto them.
321. I never had in all my life so great an inlet into the Word of God
as now; those Scriptures that I saw nothing in before, are made in this
place and state to shine upon me; Jesus Christ also was never more real
and apparent than now; here I have seen him and felt him indeed: O that
word, We have not preached unto you cunningly devised fables (2 Peter
1:16); and that, God raised Christ from the dead, and gave him glory,
that your faith and hope might be in God (1 Peter 1:2), were blessed
words unto me in this my imprisoned condition.
322. These three or four scriptures also have been great refreshment in
this condition to me (John 14:1-4, 16:33; Col 3:3,4; Heb 12:22-24). So
that sometimes when I have been in the savour of them, I have been able
to laugh at destruction, and to fear neither the horse nor his rider
(Job 39:18). I have had sweet sights of the forgiveness of my sins in
this place, and of my being with Jesus in another world: O, “the mount
Zion, the heavenly Jerusalem, the innumerable company of angels, and
God the judge of all, and the spirits of just men made perfect, and to
Jesus” (Heb 12:22-24), have been sweet unto me in this place: I have
seen THAT here, that I am persuaded I shall never, while in this world,
be able to express; I have seen a truth in that scripture, “Whom having
not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye se him not, yet believing, ye
rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory” (1 Peter 1:8).[71]
323. I never knew what it was for God to stand by me at all turns, and
at every offer of Satan ‘to afflict me,’ &c., as I have found him since
I came in hither; for look how fears have presented themselves, so have
supports and encouragements, yea, when I have started, even as it were
at nothing else but my shadow, yet God, as being very tender of me,
hath not suffered me to be molested, but would with one scripture and
another strengthen me against all; insomuch that I have often said,
Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater
comfort’s sake (Eccl 7:14; 2 Cor 1:5).
324. Before I came to prison, I saw what was a-coming, and had
especially two considerations warm upon my heart; the first was how to
be able to endure, should my imprisonment be long and tedious; the
second was how to be able to encounter death, should that be here my
portion; for the first of these, that scripture (Col 1:11) was great
information to me, namely, to pray to God to be “strengthened with all
might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and
long-suffering with joyfulness.” I could seldom go to prayer before I
was imprisoned, but not for so little as a year together, this
sentence, or sweet petition, would, as it were, thrust itself into my
mind, and persuade me, that if ever I would go through long-suffering,
I must have all patience, especially if I would endure it joyfully.
325. As to the second consideration, that saying (2 Cor 1:9), was of
great use to me, But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we
should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead. By
this scripture I was made to see, that if ever I would suffer rightly,
I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that can properly
be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, my wife, my
children, my health, my enjoyments, and all, as dead to me, and myself
as dead to them. “He that loveth father or mother, son or daughter,
more than me, is not worthy of me” (Matt 10:37).
326. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible; as Paul said
in another place, the way not to faint, is to “look not at the things
which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things
which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are
eternal” (2 Cor 4:18). And thus I reasoned with myself; if I provide
only for a prison, then the whip comes at unawares; and so does also
the pillory; again, if I provide only for these, then I am not fit for
banishment; further, if I conclude that banishment is the worst, then
if death come I am surprised. So that I see the best way to go through
sufferings is to trust in God through Christ, as touching the world to
come; and as touching this world, to count “the grave my house, to make
my bed in darkness, and to say to corruption, Thou art my father, and
to the worm, Thou art my mother and my sister.” That is, to familiarize
these things to me.[72]
327. But notwithstanding these helps, I found myself a man, and
compassed with infirmities; the parting with my wife and poor children
hath oft been to me in this place as the pulling the flesh from my
bones, and that not only because I am somewhat too too fond of those
great mercies, but also because I should have often brought to my mind
the many hardships, miseries and wants that my poor family was like to
meet with, should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind child,
who lay nearer my heart than all I had besides; O the thoughts of the
hardship I thought my blind one might go under, would break my heart to
pieces.
328. Poor child, thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have for thy
portion in this world? Thou must be beaten, must beg, suffer hunger,
cold, nakedness, and a thousand calamities, though I cannot now endure
the wind should blow upon thee. But yet recalling myself, thought I, I
must venture you all with God, though it goeth to the quick to leave
you. O, I saw in this condition I was as a man who was pulling down his
house upon the head of his wife and children; yet thought I, I must do
it, I must do it. And now I thought on those two milch kine that were
to carry the ark of God into another country, and to leave their calves
behind them (1 Sam 6:10-12).
329. But that which helped me in this temptation was divers
considerations, of which three in special here I will name; the first
was the consideration of those two scriptures, “Leave thy fatherless
children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy widows trust in me.”
And again, “The Lord said, Verily it shall be well with thy remnant;
verily I will cause the enemy to entreat thee well in the time of
evil,” &c. (Jer 49:11, 15:11).
330. I had also this consideration, that if I should now venture all
for God, I engaged God to take care of my concernments; but if I
forsook him and his ways, for fear of any trouble that should come to
me or mine, then I should not only falsify my profession, but should
count also that my concernments were not so sure, if left at God’s
feet, while I stood to and for his name, as they would be, if they were
under my own tuition,[73] though with the denial of the way of God.
This was a smarting consideration, and was as spurs unto my flesh. That
scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon me, where
Christ prays against Judas, that God would disappoint him in all his
selfish thoughts, which moved him to sell his master: pray read it
soberly (Psa 109:6-20).
331. I had also another consideration, and that was, the dread of the
torments of hell, which I was sure they must partake of, that for fear
of the cross, do shrink from their profession of Christ, his words, and
laws, before the sons of men; I thought also of the glory that he had
prepared for those that, in faith, and love, and patience, stood to his
ways before them. These things, I say, have helped me, when the
thoughts of the misery that both myself and mine, might for the sake of
my profession be exposed to, hath lain pinching on my mine.
332. When I have indeed conceited that I might be banished for my
profession, then I have thought of that scripture, “They were stoned,
they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword; they
wandered about in sheep skins and goat skins; being destitute,
afflicted, tormented, of whom the world was not worthy” (Heb 11:37),
for all they thought they were too bad to dwell and abide amongst them.
I have also thought of that saying, “The Holy Ghost witnesseth in every
city, that bonds and afflictions abide me.” I have verily thought that
my soul and it[74] have sometimes reasoned about the sore and sad
estate of a banished and exiled condition, how they are exposed to
hunger, to cold, to perils, to nakedness, to enemies, and a thousand
calamities; and at last, it may be, to die in a ditch, like a poor
forlorn and desolate sheep. But I thank God, hitherto I have not been
moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have rather, by them, more
approved my heart to God.
333. I will tell you a pretty business; I was once above all the rest
in a very sad and low condition for many weeks; at which time also I
being but a young prisoner, and not acquainted with the laws, had this
lay much upon my spirit, That my imprisonment might end at the gallows
for aught that I could tell. Now, therefore, Satan laid hard at me to
beat me out of heart, by suggesting thus unto me, But how if when you
come indeed to die, you should be in this condition; that is, as not to
savour the things of God, nor to have any evidence upon your soul for a
better state hereafter? For indeed at that time all the things of God
were hid from my soul.
334. Wherefore, when I at first began to think of this, it was a great
trouble to me; for I thought with myself, that in the condition I now
was in, I was not fit to die, neither indeed did think I could, if I
should be called to it: besides, I thought with myself, if I should
make a scrabbling[75] shift to clamber up the ladder, yet I should
either with quaking, or other symptoms of faintings, give occasion to
the enemy to reproach the way of God and his people, for their
timorousness. This therefore lay with great trouble upon me, for
methought I was ashamed to die with a pale face, and tottering knees,
for such a cause as this.
335. Wherefore, I prayed to God that he would comfort me, and give me
strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort
appeared, but all continued hid: I was also at this time so really
possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if I was on the
ladder with a rope about my neck; only this was some encouragement to
me, I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words to
a multitude, which I thought would come to see me die; and, thought I,
if it must be so, if God will but convert one soul by my very last
words, I shall not count my life thrown away, nor lost.
336. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, and still
the tempter followed me with, But whither must you go when you die?
What will become of you? Where will you be found in another world? What
evidence have you for heaven and glory, and an inheritance among them
that are sanctified? Thus was I tossed for many weeks, and knew not
what to do; at last this consideration fell with weight upon me, That
it was for the Word and way of God, that I was in this condition,
wherefore I was engaged not to flinch a hair’s breadth from it.
337. I thought also, that God might choose, whether he would give me
comfort now or at the hour of death, but I might not therefore choose
whether I would hold my profession or no: I was bound, but he was free:
yea, it was my duty to stand to his word, whether he would ever look
upon me or no, or save me at the last: wherefore, thought I, the point
being thus, I am for going on, and venturing my eternal state with
Christ, whether I have comfort here or no; if God doth not come in,
thought I, I will leap off the ladder even blindfold into eternity,
sink or swim, come heaven, come hell, Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch
me, do; ‘if not,’ I will venture for thy name.
338. I was no sooner fixed upon this resolution, but that word dropped
upon me, “Doth Job serve God for nought?” As if the accuser had said,
Lord, Job is no upright man, he serves thee for by-respects: hast thou
not made a hedge about him, &c. “But put forth thine hand now, and
touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.” How now,
thought I, is this the sign of an upright soul, to desire to serve God,
when all is taken from him? Is he a godly man, that will serve God for
nothing rather than give out? blessed be God, then, I hope I have an
upright heart, for I am resolved, God giving me strength, never to deny
my profession, though I have nothing at all for my pains; and as I was
thus considering, that scripture was set before me (Psa 44:12-26).[76]
339. Now was my heart full of comfort, for I hoped it was sincere: I
would not have been without this trial for much; I am comforted every
time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless God for ever for the
teaching I have had by it. Many more of the dealings of God towards me
I might relate, but these, “Out of the spoils won in battles have I
dedicated to maintain the house of the LORD” (1 Chron 26:27).
THE CONCLUSION.
1. Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my life, to question
the being ‘of God,’ and truth of his gospel, is the worst, and the
worst to be borne; when this temptation comes, it takes away my girdle
from me, and removeth the foundation from under me: O, I have often
thought of that word, “have your loins girt about with truth”; and of
that, “When the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?”
2. ‘Sometimes, when, after sin committed, I have looked for sore
chastisement from the hand of God, the very next that I have had from
him hath been the discovery of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been
comforted, I have called myself a fool for my so sinking under trouble.
And then, again, when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise,
to give such way to comfort. With such strength and weight have both
these been upon me.’
3. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God doth visit
my soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found
again, that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in
my spirits so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once
conceive what that God and that comfort was with which I have been
refreshed.
4. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I could well
tell how to stand under, and yet at another time the whole Bible hath
been to me as dry as a stick; or rather, my heart hath been so dead and
dry unto it, that I could not conceive the least drachm of refreshment,
though I have looked it ‘all’ over.
5. Of all tears, they are the best that are made by the blood of
Christ; and of all joy, that is the sweetest that is mixed with
mourning over Christ. Oh! it is a goodly thing to be on our knees, with
Christ in our arms, before God. I hope I know something of these
things.
6. I find to this day seven abominations in my heart: 1. Inclinings to
unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ
manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the works of the law. 4. Wanderings and
coldness in prayer. 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt
to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have.
7. I can do none of those things which God commands me, but my
corruptions will thrust in themselves, “when I would do good, evil is
present with me.”
7. These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and
oppressed with; yet the wisdom of God doth order them for my good. 1.
They make me abhor myself. 2. They keep me from trusting my heart. 3.
They convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness. 4.
They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray
unto God. 6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober. 7. And
provoke me to look to God, through Christ, to help me, and carry me
through this world. Amen.
FOOTNOTES:
1. Dr. Cheever.
2. Leicester was only besieged by the royal army, who took it, and
cruelly treated the inhabitants; upon the republicans appearing before
it, the city surrendered at once without a siege.—Ed.
3. This should be the prayer and effort of every Christian for his
brethren and sisters in Christ, and more especially of those who are
called to the public ministry.—Ed.
4. The people of God look back on the day of their espousals with holy
joy and thanksgiving to the God of their mercies; and they delight in
telling his goodness to others. “Come and hear, all ye that fear God,
and I will declare what he hath done for my soul” (Psa 66:16).—Mason.
5. How unspeakable the mercy that our omnipresent God will hear the
prayer of the heart under all circumstances, at all times, in all
places. Had he limited it to certain forms, in certain buildings, read
by certain men, what fearful merchandise of souls they would have
made.—Ed.
6. Bunyan says very little about his parents in his treatise on
‘Christian Behaviour’; he concludes his observations on the duties of a
pious son to ungodly parents with this remarkable prayer, ‘The Lord, if
it be his will, convert OUR poor parents, that they, with us, may be
the children of God.’ Although this does not demonstrate that his own
parents were ungodly, yet his silence as to their piety upon all
occasions when speaking of them, and the fervent feeling expressed in
this short prayer, inclines me to conclude that they were not pious
persons in his judgment.—Ed.
7. Mr. Bunyan alludes to the poverty of his education in several of his
works. Thus, in his Scriptural poems—
‘I am no poet, nor a poet’s son
But a mechanic, guided by no rule
But what I gained in a grammar school,
In my minority.’
And in the preface to ‘The Law and Grace’: ‘Reader, if thou do find
this book empty of fantastical expressions, and without light, vain,
whimsical, scholar-like terms; thou must understand, it is because I
never went to school to Aristotle or Plato, but was brought up at my
father’s house, in a very mean condition, among a company of poor
countrymen.’—Ed.
8. ‘I have been vile myself, but have obtained mercy; and I would have
my companions in sin partake of mercy too.’—Preface to Jerusalem Sinner
Saved.—Ed.
9. Every careless sinner, or wicked professor, carries upon his
forehead the name of Infidel and Atheist, a practical unbeliever in the
Bible, in the day of judgment, and in the existence of a holy God.—Ed.
10. Bunyan served in the wars between Charles I and his country, but it
is not known on which side. Judging from his ‘delight in all
transgressions against the law of God,’ as he describes his conduct to
have been at that time, he must have served on the king’s side, as one
of his drunken cavaliers. Probably this event took place when Leicester
was besieged by the king’s troops.—Ed.