_Wednesday, June 13th_.--Considering that barely three hours before
the House met the "Fort of London" had been drenched with the "ghastly
dew of aerial navies" Members showed themselves most uncommon calm.
They exhibited, however, a little extra interest when any prominent
personage entered the House, showing that he at least had escaped the
bombs, and were too busy comparing notes regarding their personal
experiences to ask many Supplementary Questions.
Even Mr. BONAR LAW'S announcement that KING CONSTANTINE had abdicated
the throne of Greece passed almost without remark; except that Mr.
SWIFT MACNEILL anxiously inquired whether TINO, having received the
Order of the Boot, would be allowed to retain that of the Bath.
The mystery of Lord NORTHCLIFFE'S visit to the United States has been
cleared up. Certain journals, believed to enjoy his confidence, had
described him as "Mr. Balfour's successor." Certain other journals,
whose confidence he does not enjoy, had declined to believe this.
The fact, as stated by Mr. BONAR LAW, is that "it is hoped that Lord
NORTHCLIFFE will be able to carry on the work begun by Mr. BALFOUR
as head of the British Mission in America." He is expected "to
co-ordinate and supervise the work of all the Departmental Missions."
It was interesting to learn that his Lordship "will have the right of
communicating direct with the PRIME MINISTER"--a thing which of course
he has never done before.
_Thursday, June 14th_.--Mr. KEATING, having made the remarkable
discovery that the War has injured the prosperity of Irish seaside
resorts, demanded the restoration of excursion trains and season
tickets. Mr. GEORGE ROBERTS stoutly supported the Irish Railway
Executive Committee in its refusal to encourage pleasure-traffic.
His decision received the involuntary support of Mr. MACVEAGH, who
attempted to back up his colleague by the singular argument that the
existing trains in Ireland ran half-empty.
The Lords spent the best part of a sunny afternoon in discussing
whether or not the South-Eastern Eailway should be allowed to bolster
up the Charing Cross railway bridge. In vain Lord CURZON, flying in
the face of his Ministerial colleague, the PRESIDENT OF THE BOARD OF
TRADE, urged the claims of Art; in vain he assured the House that when
WORDSWORTH wrote of the view from Westminster, "Earth has not anything
to show more fair," he was not thinking of that maroon-coloured
monstrosity. The majority of their lordships, understanding that the
proposal had something to do with "strengthening the piers," declined
to reject it.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Officer_. "AND WHAT DID YOU SAY TO PRIVATE SMITH?"
_Witness_ (_who had discovered prisoner milking cow belonging to
French farmer_). "I TOLD HIM TO STOP IMMEDIATELY AND PUT THE MILK
BACK."]
* * * * *
We have received a copy of _The Glasgow Weekly Herald_, dated "May 56,
1917." Trust a Scot to make a good thing go as far as possible.
* * * * *
"Great jubilation prevailed amongst the people at finding the
children alive, and congratulations were extended to their parents
that their little ones were not lost in the cavities and chasms of
Knocknatubber Mountain, though straying thereon for upwards of 25
years."--_Nenagh Guardian_.
The young "Rips"!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _National Service Volunteer_ (_late crack billiard
player_). "MARKER, HAND ME THE REST."]
* * * * *
="IN PRIZE."=
A ship was built in Glasgow, and oh, she looked a daisy
(Just the way that some ships do!)
An' the only thing against 'er was she allus steered so crazy
(An' it's true, my Johnny Bowline, true!)
They sent 'er out in ballast to Oregon for lumber,
An' before she dropped 'er pilot she all but lost 'er number.
They sold 'er into Norway because she steered so funny,
An' she nearly went to glory before they drawed the money.
They sold 'er out o' Norway--they sold 'er into Chile,
An' Chile got a bargain because she steered so silly.
They chartered 'er to Germans with a bunch o' greasers forrard;
Old shellbacks wouldn't touch 'er because she steered so 'orrid.
She set a course for Bremen with contraband inside 'er,
An' she might 'ave got there some time if a cruiser 'adn't spied 'er.
She nearly drowned the boarders because she cut such capers,
But they found she was a German through inspectin' of 'er papers.
So they put a crew aboard 'er, which was both right an' lawful,
An' the prize crew 'ad a picnic, because she steered so awful.
But they brought 'er into Kirkwall, an' then they said, "Lord lumme,
If I ever see an 'ooker as steered so kind o' rummy!"
But she'll fetch 'er price at auction, for oh, she looks a daisy
(Just the way that some ships do!)
An' the chap as tops the biddin' won't know she steers so crazy
(But it's true, my Johnny Bowline, true!)