Madam Nanteuil thought of nothing but her daughter's welfare. Her
liaison with Tony Meyers the picture-dealer in the Rue de Clichy, left
her with plenty of leisure and an unoccupied heart. She met at the
theatre a Monsieur Bondois, a manufacturer of electrical apparatus; he
was still young, superior to his trade, and extremely well-mannered. He
was blessed with an amorous temperament and a bashful nature, and, as
young and beautiful women frightened him, he had accustomed himself to
desiring only women who were not young and beautiful. Madame Nanteuil
was still a very pleasing woman. But one night when she was badly
dressed, and did not look her best; he made her the offer of his
affections. She accepted him as something of a help toward housekeeping,
and so that her daughter should want for nothing. Her devotion brought
her happiness. Monsieur Bondois loved her, and courted her most
ardently. At the outset this surprised her; then it brought her
happiness and peace of mind; it seemed to her natural and good to be
loved, and she could not believe that her time for love was past when
she was in receipt of proof to the contrary.
She had always displayed a kindly disposition, an easy-going character,
and an even temper. But never yet had she revealed in her home so happy
a spirit and such gracious thoughtfulness. Kind to others, and to
herself, always preserving, in the lapse of changeful hours, the smile
that disclosed her beautiful teeth and brought the dimples into her
plump cheeks, grateful to life for what it was giving her, blooming,
expanding, overflowing, she was the joy and the youth of the house.
While Madame Nanteuil conceived and gave expression to bright and
cheerful ideas, Félicie was fast becoming gloomy, fretful, and sullen.
Lines began to show in her pretty face; her voice assumed a grating
quality. She had at once realized the position which Monsieur Bondois
occupied in the household, and, whether she would have preferred her
mother to live and breathe for her alone, whether her filial piety
suffered because she was forced to respect her less, whether she envied
her happiness, or whether she merely felt the distress which love
affairs cause us when we are brought into too close contact with them,
Félicie, more especially at meal-times, and every day, bitterly
reproached Madame Nanteuil, in very pointed allusions, and in terms
which were not precisely veiled, in respect of this new "friend of the
family"; and for Monsieur Bondois himself, whenever she met him, she
exhibited an expressive disgust and an unconcealed aversion. Madame
Nanteuil was only moderately distressed by this, and she excused her
daughter by reflecting that the young girl had as yet no experience of
life. And Monsieur Bondois, whom Félicie inspired with a superhuman
terror, strove to placate her by signs of respect and inconsiderable
presents.
She was violent because she was suffering. The letters which she
received from The Hague inflamed her love, so that it was a pain to her.
A prey to consuming visions, she was pining away. When she saw her
absent friend too clearly her temples throbbed, her heart beat
violently, and a dense increasing shadow would darken her mind. All the
sensibility of her nerves, all the warmth of her blood, all the forces
of her being flowed through her, sinking downwards, merging themselves
in desire in the very depths of her flesh. At such times she had no
other thought than to recover Ligny. It was Ligny that she wanted, only
Ligny, and she herself was surprised at the disgust which she felt for
all other men. For her instincts had not always been so exclusive. She
told herself that she would go at once to Bondois, ask him for money,
and take the train for The Hague. And she did not do it. What deterred
her was not so much the idea of displeasing her lover, who would have
looked upon such a journey as bad form, as the vague fear of awakening
the slumbering shadow.
That she had not seen since Ligny's departure. But perturbing things
were happening, within her and around her. In the street she was
followed by a water-spaniel, which appealed and vanished suddenly. One
morning when she was in bed her mother told her "I am going to the
dressmaker's," and went out. Two or three minutes later Félicie saw her
come back into the room as if she had forgotten something. But the
apparition advanced without a look at her, without a word, without a
sounds and disappeared as it touched the bed.
She had even more disturbing illusions. One Sunday, she was acting, in a
matinée of _Athalie_, the part of young Zacharias. As she had very
pretty legs she found the disguise not displeasing; she was glad also to
show that she knew how verse should be spoken. But she noticed that in
the orchestra stalls there was a priest wearing his cassock. It was not
the first time that an ecclesiastic had been present at an afternoon
performance of this tragedy drawn from the Scriptures. Nevertheless, it
impressed her disagreeably. When she went on the stage she distinctly
saw Louise Dalle, wearing the turban of Jehoshabeath; loading a revolver
in front of the prompter's box. She had enough common sense and presence
of mind to reject this absurd vision, which disappeared. But she spoke
her first lines in an inaudible voice.
She had burning pains in the stomach. She suffered from fits of
suffocation, sometimes, without apparent cause, an unspeakable agony
gripped her bowels, her heart beat madly and she feared that she must be
dying.
Dr Trublet attended her with watchful prudence. She often saw him at the
theatre, and occasionally went to consult him at his old house in the
Rue de Seine. She did not go through the waiting-room; the servant would
show her at once into the little dining-room, where Arab potteries
glinted in the shadows, and she was always the first to be shown in. One
day Socrates succeeded in making her understand the manner in which
images are formed in the brain, and how these images do not always
correspond with external objects, or, at my rate, do not always
correspond exactly.
"Hallucinations," he added, "are more often than not merely false
perceptions. One sees a thing, but one sees it badly, so that a
feather-broom becomes a head of bristling locks, a red carnation is a
beast's open mouth, and a chemise is a ghost in its winding-sheet.
Insignificant errors."
From these arguments she derived sufficient strength to despise and
dispel her visions of cats and dogs, or of persons who were living, and
well known to her. Yet she dreaded seeing the dead man again; and the
mystic terrors nestling in the obscure crannies of her brain were more
powerful than the demonstrations of science. It was useless to tell her
that the dead never returned; she knew very well that they did.
On this occasion Socrates once more advised her to find some
distraction, to visit her friends, and by preference the more pleasant
of her friends, and to avoid darkness and solitude, as her two most
treacherous enemies.
And he added this prescription:
"Especially must you avoid persons and things which may be connected
with the object of your visions."
He did not see that this was impossible. Nor did Nanteuil.
"Then you will cure me, dear old Socrates," she said, turning upon him
her pretty grey eyes, full of entreaty.
"You will cure yourself my child. You will cure yourself, because you
are hard-working, sensible, and courageous. Yes, yes, you are timid and
brave at the same time. You dread danger, but you have the courage to
live. You will be cured, because you are not in sympathy with evil and
suffering. You will be cured because you want to be cured."
"You think then that one can be cured if one wills it?"
"When one wills it in a certain profound, intimate fashion, when it is
our cells that will it within us, when it is our unconscious self that
wills it; when one wills it with the secret, abounding, absolute will of
the sturdy tree that wills itself to grow green again in the spring."