“Pains in the stomach.”
“And then?”
“Nausea.”
“And then?”
“Colic.”
“There! what did I tell you just now?” cried my companion, turning
toward the stupefied audience. “But let’s go on; this is nothing; I’ll
wager that he will tell you everything I did.--What caused my trouble?”
“Indigestion.”
“And the indigestion?”
“From eating too much supper.”
“Surprising! prodigious!” said the host, crowding between his two
servants.
“Hush!” said my companion; “don’t break the spell.--Then what did I do?”
“You got up.”
“With what purpose?”
“With the purpose of going to a certain place.”
“Did I take a light?”
“No, you had none.”
“How did I walk?”
“Feeling your way.”
“You hear him, messieurs; I felt my way because I had no light; he
doesn’t make a mistake as to a single detail.--Let’s go on: where did I
go?”
“Out into the corridor; you forgot that you had been told that it was
the door at the left; you turned to the right and came into this room.”
“Exactly,--and then?”
“You found a soup-tureen, and you used it for----”
“Better and better!”
“The noise woke our host; he yelled and went out to get out a light, and
meanwhile you hid the tureen under the bed.”
“Exactly. Look and see if he is mistaken in a single point!”
The servants did in fact find the tureen, which they soon returned to
its place, holding their noses. The host was stupefied; but his spoiled
soup-stock made him rather sulky, for he expected to make soup with it
for a whole week. My companion, seeing what disturbed him, came back to
me.
“What has it been my intention to do, since I discovered my mistake?”
“To give our host twelve francs as compensation for this accident.”
“Parbleu! exactly! Twelve francs! I told you so a moment ago, my dear
host, to appease your wrath.”
“No, monsieur, I assure you that you never mentioned it.”
“No? Well, I had it on the tip of my tongue. Now you are satisfied, I
hope, and I can wake our young man.”
He came to me and pinched the end of my little finger. I shook my head
and rubbed my eyes, like a person just waking, and naturally asked what
I was doing there.
My companion glanced at the people of the inn; they were so surprised by
all that they had seen and heard, that they stared at me as at a
supernatural being.
“Now let’s go back to bed,” said the crafty hunchback. “Until to-morrow,
messieurs; I promise you that you will see many more wonderful things,
if you allow us to make our experiments in peace.”
My companion took my arm and we returned to our room, leaving the
inn-keeper and his servants assuring one another that all that they had
just seen had really happened.
XII
MARVELOUS EXPERIMENTS OF THE LITTLE HUNCHBACK
When we were closeted in our room, my companion threw himself into my
arms and embraced me joyfully.
“My boy, I am delighted with you,” he said; “you played your rôle like
an angel! You are an invaluable fellow, and our fortune is made.
To-night’s adventure will create a sensation.”
We went to bed well pleased with the way in which we had extricated
ourselves from a bad scrape. I fell asleep thinking of Clairette, of her
charms, of the pleasure I owed to her, of those I hoped still to enjoy;
and my companion, reckoning what his first séance would be worth to him
in a town where his reputation had obtained such a favorable start.
The little hunchback was not mistaken in his belief that the adventure
of the night would bring us a crowd of curiosity seekers. The servants
of the inn had risen early, in order to lose no time in telling all that
they had seen and heard. The hair-dressers, the bakers, the grocers were
the first to be informed; but that was quite enough to make it certain
that the whole town would soon know what we were capable of doing. An
adventure becomes so magnified by passing from mouth to mouth that we
sometimes have difficulty in recognizing things that have happened to
ourselves, when we hear others tell them. Everyone takes delight in
adding some strange or marvelous detail, in outbidding his neighbor;
thus it is that a brook becomes a rushing torrent, that a child who
recites a complimentary poem without a mistake is a prodigy, that a
juggler is a magician, that a man who has a soprano voice is a eunuch,
that the man whose love is all for his country is a suspicious person in
the eyes of him who loves only his own interest, and that a comet
announces the end of the world.
The maid-servant, when she went to buy her ounce of coffee, learned from
the grocer’s clerk that there were two most extraordinary men at the
Tête-Noire inn, who were endowed with the power to tell you what you had
done and what you meant to do.
“Pardieu! I must go and tell my mistress that,” said the maid as she
left the shop; “she went to walk with her cousin the other night, and
she don’t want her husband to know it; I’ll tell her not to go and let
those sorcerers get scent of it.”
“What’s the news?” the old bachelor asked the barber, as he took his
seat in the chair and put on his towel.
“What news, Monsieur Sauvageon! Peste! we have some very peculiar, very
interesting people in town!”
“Tell me about them, my friend; go on!”
“Those two strangers, those doctors who arrived at the Tête-Noire last
night, have been making experiments already.”
“Indeed?”
“It’s an absolute fact; I got it from Jérôme, the servant at the inn,
who saw it and heard it.”
“The devil.”
“The somnambulist began his nocturnal expeditions last night.”
“Nocturnal expeditions at night! Are these somnambulists nyctalopes?”
“Yes, monsieur, they’re nycta--What do you call it, Monsieur Sauvageon?”
“Nyctalopes, my friend.”
“They’re nyctalopes, for sure.--What does nyctalopes mean?”
“It means that they see in the dark.”
“Oh! I understand! they’re like cats; in fact, somnambulists are as
smart as cats in the dark.--But to return to this one at the Tête-Noire,
you must know that he tells everything anybody’s done; and last night he
discovered something that was hidden from all eyes!”
“I understand! he discovered some intrigue.”[B]
[B] _Le pot aux roses_; lit. the jar of roses.
“Well, not exactly that! His companion had a pain in the night--he was
doubled up with colic caused by his supper.”
“And perhaps by some badly prepared dish, or a half-scoured saucepan;
for the entertainment is not first-class at the Tête-Noire; I once ate a
_fricandeau_ there that lay on my stomach three days, because it was
seasoned with nutmeg, which always makes me ill. Nutmeg in a fricandeau!
You must agree that that is perfectly horrible!”
“True, that inn doesn’t deserve its reputation; for at my sister’s
wedding party, which was held there----”
“Your sister? which one, pray?”
“The one who married Lagripe, the sub-prefect’s indoor man--you know?
the little man with blue eyes and a red nose?”
“Oh, yes! the father of the child the little sempstress opposite had.”
“Oh! as to that, I don’t believe a word of it! It’s all made up by
evil-tongued gossips.”
“Look out, my friend, you are cutting me.”
“That’s nothing; it was a bit of straw on your cheek, that caught the
razor.--You must know that if Lagripe had got the sempstress with child,
my sister wouldn’t have married him.”
“Why not, pray? Between ourselves, my good fellow, your sister----”
“What’s that? what do you mean, Monsieur Sauvageon?”
“All right, my friend. Give me a bit of powder, and let us return to the
somnambulist.--You were saying that he cured his companion’s colic last
night?”
“I don’t say that he cured him; but I tell you that he discovered the
most hidden things, among others a soup-tureen that was under the
landlord’s bed.”
“And which someone had probably stolen and hidden there until the time
came to carry it away.”
“That is quite possible; but this much is certain, that he told
everything that was in the tureen!”
“Peste! that is rather strong! Did Jérôme tell you what the tureen
contained?”
“Certainly; it contained the supper of the magician, the doctor, the
hunchback one.”
“That is beyond me! To pilfer a supper, and then have it found in its
natural state, after eating it--I confess that that is a most remarkable
trick!”
“But, Monsieur Sauvageon, I didn’t say that the supper was in its
natural state; on the contrary, it was the result of the colic that was
found!”
“Morbleu! my man, why didn’t you say so? You keep me here two hours
about the--Put on a little _pommade à la vanille_.”
And, as our old bachelor was shaved and combed, the hair-dresser left
him, to repeat his story to another of his customers, taking care to
change it or add something to it. It is delightful to many people to
have a piece of news to tell, and to make comments thereon.
But, talking of anecdotes, master author, you are terribly loquacious,
and you seem to take pleasure in listening to all the tittle-tattle of a
small town. Surely Brother Jacques did not repeat to Sans-Souci the old
bachelor’s conversation with his barber, or the maid-servant’s with the
grocer’s clerk. How could he have known about them?
True, reader; I plead guilty; I will try not to intrude my own remarks
again in our soldier’s narrative of his adventures; and to begin with, I
will allow him to resume at once.
We had no sooner risen and rung for our breakfast, than the host entered
our room, holding in his hand a large sheet of paper, which he presented
to my companion.
“Messieurs,” he said, bowing to the ground, “here is a list of the
people who wish to consult you this evening, and who have entered their
names here.”
“Very well--give it to me. Have you written the names, titles, age and
occupation of each one?”
“They are all there, monsieur.”
“Very good. Leave us, and send your servant Clairette to us for a
moment; I have some orders to give her relative to my séance this
evening.”
The host bowed with the respect of a Chinaman passing a mandarin, and
left the room, promising to send the girl to us at once.
My companion scanned the list; it was quite long and promised numerous
proselytes. The little hunchback was reading it aloud and indulging in
preliminary conjectures concerning the names, when Clairette entered the
room.
The girl seemed rather embarrassed. She kept her eyes on the floor and
her hands wrapped in her apron. For my part, I was as red as fire, and I
did not know what to say. Clairette’s presence caused a revolution in my
whole being; I was honestly in love with her; I felt a genuine passion
for her; and after the proofs of affection which she had given me during
the night, I believed that she loved me sincerely. I think that if I had
been told then that I must marry the little servant, or else give her up
forever, I should not have hesitated to give her my hand! And what I
felt, I will wager that many young men have felt like me. One loves so
earnestly the first time!--Ah! my dear Sans-Souci, I was very young then
and very green! But I have learned since that the more experience one
acquires, the less pleasure one has.
My companion locked the door. No curious person must overhear our
conversation with Clairette. Then he returned to us and opened the
interview with a roar of laughter, which made me open my eyes in
amazement, while Clairette dropped the corners of her apron.
“My friends, you are still rather unsophisticated,” he said at last;
“you, my dear Jacques, who are in love with a girl who will have
forgotten you to-morrow; and you, my little Clairette, who believe in
witchcraft, and imagine that a person can look young all her life. We
are no more magicians than other men are, my dear girl; but you must
help us to impose on the fools who contend for the pleasure of
consulting us. You must do whatever we want, first, because that will
give you an opportunity to make fun of lots of people, which is always
pleasant; and secondly, because we will pay you handsomely--I with
money, and this young man with love; and if you should refuse to help
us, you would deprive yourself of a large number of little perquisites
that are not often to be had in a small town.”
This speech put us all at our ease. Clairette, who saw that the little
hunchback was acquainted with everything, smilingly accepted a double
louis which he slipped into her hand, and asked nothing better than to
act as our confederate. Everything being arranged, Master Graograicus
took up his list, requested me to write down the girl’s replies, so that
we might not make any mistakes, and began his examination, to which
Clairette replied as well as she could.
“Annette-Suzanne-Estelle Guignard, thirty-six years of age?”
“She lies; she’s forty-five at least. She’s an old maid, who’d like to
be married on any terms; but no one will have her; in the first place,
because she’s lame; and then because she chews tobacco.”
“Enough.--Antoine-Nicolas La Giraudière, forty years of age, clerk in
the mayor’s office?”
“He’s a fat fellow, as round as a ball; they say that he’s not likely to
set the North River on fire; perhaps he wants to consult you about
giving him a little wit.”
“Impossible! People always think that they have enough.”
“Oh! wait a minute: his wife has already had four girls, and she’s
furious because she hasn’t got any boys.”
“That’s it; I understand. He wants me to tell him a way to make
boys.--Next. Romuald-César-Hercule de La Souche, Marquis de
Vieux-Buissons, seventy-five years old, former Grand Huntsman, former
light horseman, former page, former--Parbleu! he needn’t have taken the
trouble to put ‘former’ before all his titles! I presume that he doesn’t
ride or hunt any more. What can he want of me?”
“He has just bought a small estate in the suburbs; he is having a
dispute with his vassals; he claims that they’re rabbits----”
“Rabbits! his vassals?”
“No--wait a minute; I made a mistake, it’s stags--_cerfs_.”
“Ah! very good, I understand what you mean--serfs.”
“And then, whenever there’s a marriage among ’em, he insists on having
the bride come and pass an hour alone with him, and bless me! the
peasants don’t take to that! The result is he’s always quarrelling with
’em.”
“That’s all right; I know enough about him.--Angélique Prudhomme, Madame
Jolicœur, thirty-two years of age, laundress to all the notables of the
town. The deuce! what an honor!”
“Ah! she’s a hussy, I tell you, is Madame Jolicœur! She keeps the town
talking about her. She launders for the officers in the garrison and
goes to balls with ’em.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Oh! so-so.--A saucy face, and a bold way--like a cuirassier! She’s
already been the means of setting more than twelve people by the ears,
and only a little while ago, on the town holiday, she waltzed with the
drum-major, who quarrelled with a sapper because she’d made an
appointment with the sapper to take a walk in the labyrinth. That would
have been a serious matter, if Monsieur Jolicœur hadn’t turned up! But
he’s good-natured; he made peace between the drum-major and the sapper,
swearing to the latter that his wife didn’t intend to break her word to
him, and that it was pure forgetfulness on her part.”
“That husband knows how to live.--Let’s go on. Cunégonde-Aline
Trouillard, forty-four years old and keeps a very popular café.”
“Ah! that’s the lemonade woman! She’s always having the vapors and sick
headaches and--in short, she always thinks she’s sick and passes her
time taking medicine instead of staying at her desk.”
“She must be a very valuable woman to the druggists!”
“Her husband tries to be smart, to play the chemist; he makes coffee out
of asparagus seed and sugar out of turnips. I’m sure that he’ll come to
consult you too.”
I continued to make memoranda of Clairette’s answers, and we had almost
exhausted the list, when there was a knock at our door. I answered the
knock; it was our landlord, who had come to inform us that the mayor
wished to see us, and that he expected us at his office. We could not
decline that invitation. My companion donned his best coat and lent me a
pair of black silk knee-breeches that reached to my heels, the little
hunchback having purchased them at secondhand from a great poet, who had
them from an actor at one of the boulevard theatres, who had them from a
member of the Academy who was paying court to a ballet dancer, at whose
rooms he had left them.
We started, somewhat disturbed concerning the results of our visit.
However, my companion, who was very quick-witted, hoped to find a way
out of the dilemma. We arrived at the mayor’s abode and were ushered
into his study. We saw a short, lean man, whose eyes sparkled with
intelligence and animation. From the first questions that he asked us,
my companion saw that he had to do with a redoubtable party. The mayor
was a scholar; he was thoroughly acquainted with several abstract
sciences, among others, medicine, chemistry, botany and astronomy. In
his presence, my poor little hunchback lost his loquacity and his
presumption. The mayor, perceiving our embarrassment, chose to put an
end to it.
“I have no intention of preventing you from earning your living,” he
said, with a smile; “far from it! You practise magnetism, I understand,
and cure all diseases by its means; that is very well. I sincerely
desire the welfare of my constituents, I am especially earnest in trying
to cure them of those absurd prejudices, those ancient superstitions, to
which men are only too much inclined. Magic, witchcraft, magnetism,
somnambulism are certain to present many attractions to lovers of the
marvelous. I know that it is vain to combat the opinions of mankind;
there is but one means to cure them, and that is to allow them to be
duped themselves. That is why I am glad to have charlatans come to this
town. It is always an additional lesson to the inhabitants, for
sorcerers never leave a place without making dupes. So I give you
permission to magnetize my people.”
The mayor’s remarks were not complimentary to us; however, my companion
bowed low as he thanked him for his kindness.
“Doubtless,” said the mayor, “you have some remedy that you sell
_gratis_--as the custom is. Let me see what it is.”
The hunchback immediately handed him one of his boxes of pills. The
mayor took one and threw it into a small vessel, where it was
decomposed. He scrutinized the bread for a moment, then returned the box
and said with a smile:
“Go, messieurs, and sell lots of them; they are not dangerous.”
Thus ended that visit. We returned to our inn, well pleased that we had
not shown monsieur le maire our philters and charms.
At last the hour for our public séance arrived. My companion had given
me all necessary instructions, and made me rehearse my part several
times. He assumed the regulation costume: the black gown, which makes
thin persons taller, and adds to the deformities of the misshapen, and
in which the little hunchback looked exactly like a sorcerer or
magician, who should never be built like an ordinary mortal; in
addition, the venerable beard and the conventional tall cap--such was
the costume of Master Graograicus.
As for me, he dressed me in a sort of red tunic studded with yellow
stars, which he had made out of an old coverlet bought at the Temple in
Paris; which tunic was supposed to have come to me from the Great Mogul.
He also insisted upon putting on my head a turban of his own make; but
as I considered it unbecoming, and as Clairette was to see me in my
grand costume, I refused to wear the turban, and my colleague was
obliged to consent to let me brush my hair back _à la_ Charles XII; that
did not go very well with the tunic, but great geniuses do not bother
about such trifles.
The salon of our suite was prepared for the mysterious things which were
about to take place before everybody. A tub filled with water, an iron
ring, a wand of the same metal, easy-chairs for the clients, plain
chairs for the aspirants, benches for the mere onlookers, and a single
lamp, which diffused only a dim light through the room; such were our
arrangements.
As soon as my companion had told the host that the people might come in,
a crowd rushed into the room. Some came forward confidently, others with
a frightened air, the great majority impelled by curiosity; but at all
events we had a large number, and that was the essential thing.
When they had all entered and had taken such places as they could find;
when the first whisperings had subsided and we had been stared at
sufficiently, Master Graograicus saluted the assemblage with much
dignity, and, having no low bench, he mounted a foot-warmer in order
that everybody might see him; then he began the usual harangue.
“Messieurs, mesdames and mesdemoiselles--that is, if there are any in
the room--you know, or do not know, that there is in nature a material
principle thus far unknown, which acts upon the nerves. If you know it,
I am telling you nothing new; if you do not know it, I will proceed to
explain. We say then that there is a principle, and we start from that;
by means of this principle, and in accordance with special mechanical
laws, there is a reciprocal influence between animate bodies, the earth,
and the heavenly bodies; consequently there are manifested in
animals--observe this, messieurs,--in animals, and especially in man,
properties analogous to those of the magnet. It is this animal magnetism
which I have discovered the secret of applying to diseases, and it is by
this method that I claim to cure them all. The magnetic influence may be
transmitted and propagated by other bodies. That subtle matter
penetrates walls, doors, glass, metals, without losing any perceptible
portion of its power; it may be accumulated, concentrated, and
transmitted through water; it is also propagated, communicated and
intensified by bran; in short, its power has no limits; and all this
that I am telling you, I did not invent; I am simply repeating what such
learned men as Mesmer, Derlon and others would say now if they were not
dead.”
The audience listened in the most profound silence; the young men stared
with all their eyes, the young ladies smiled, the old men shook their
heads, the matrons exchanged glances, and no one dared to tell his
neighbor that he did not understand a word of the new thaumaturgist’s
explanation. He noticed this, and continued:
“I see, messieurs and mesdames, that I have convinced you; therefore I
will develop my arguments no farther. I must add, however, before
beginning my experiments, that there are bodies which are not sensitive
to animal magnetism, and which even have a property diametrically
opposed thereto, by means of which they destroy its efficiency in other
bodies. I flatter myself that we shall find none of those unfortunate
persons here; but I thought it my duty to warn you, in case it should
happen. Raise your minds, if possible, to the level of the sublime
discovery which now occupies our attention. This is no charlatanism; it
is evidence, it is power, it is the secret influence at work; it is----”
At this point in his harangue, the foot-warmer broke, and the orator
measured his length on the floor; but he instantly sprang to his feet
and cried, addressing his hearers with renewed vigor:
“Messieurs, I thought that I should conclude with an experiment; while
talking to you just now, I magnetized this foot-warmer with my left
foot, and I was certain of reducing it to powder! As you see, I have
succeeded!”
A tempest of applause burst forth from all parts of the room.
“You see,” whispered my companion to me, “the man of intellect turns
everything to account, by never losing his head.”
The time for the experiments to begin had arrived; and as effrontery is
more readily imparted than magnetism, I was awaiting impatiently, in my
easy-chair, an opportunity to display my skill.
Madame Jolicœur came first, despite the representations of the Marquis
de Vieux-Buissons, who maintained that a man of his rank should take
precedence over everybody else. But the laundress was not the woman to
give way to anyone; moreover, she was young and pretty, the marquis old,
ugly and crabbed; so that Madame Jolicœur had the first chance.
The great magnetizer took her by the hand and led her around the tub,
then made her sit down, and magnetized her with the end of his wand. The
young woman did not seem inclined to sleep.
“I will put you in communication with my somnambulist,” he said. The
laundress looked at me and smiled; she did not seem to dislike the idea
of being put in communication with me.