THE following extract from the inimitable "Autocrat of the Breakfast
Table," is a fair specimen of the author's genius for humor:
Do I think that the particular form of lying often seen in newspapers,
under the title, "From our Foreign Correspondent," does any harm?--Why,
no,--I don't know that it does. I suppose it doesn't really deceive
people any more than the "Arabian Nights," or "Gulliver's Travels" do.
Sometimes the writers compile _too_ carelessly, though, and mix up facts
out of geographies, and stories out of the penny papers, so as to
mislead those who are desirous of information. I cut a piece out of one
of the papers, the other day, which contains a number of
improbabilities, and, I suspect, misstatements. I will send up and get
it for you, if you would like to hear it.----Ah, this is it; it is
headed
"OUR SUMATRA CORRESPONDENCE."
"This island is now the property of the Stamford family,--having been
won, it is said, in a raffle, by Sir ----Stamford, during the
stock-gambling mania of the South-Sea Scheme. The history of this
gentleman may be found in an interesting series of questions
(unfortunately not yet answered) contained in the 'Notes and Queries.'
This island is entirely surrounded by the ocean, which here contains a
large amount of saline substance, crystallizing in cubes remarkable for
their symmetry, and frequently displays on its surface, during calm
weather, the rainbow tints of the celebrated South-Sea bubbles. The
summers are oppressively hot, and the winters very probably cold; but
this fact cannot be ascertained precisely, as, for some peculiar reason,
the mercury in these latitudes never shrinks, as in more northern
regions, and thus the thermometer is rendered useless in winter.
"The principal vegetable productions of the island are the pepper tree
and the bread-fruit tree. Pepper being very abundantly produced, a
benevolent society was organized in London during the last century for
supplying the natives with vinegar and oysters, as an addition to that
delightful condiment. [Note received from Dr. D. P.] It is said,
however, that, as the oysters were of the kind called _natives_ in
England, the natives of Sumatra, in obedience to a natural instinct,
refused to touch them, and confined themselves entirely to the crew of
the vessel in which they were brought over. This information was
received from one of the oldest inhabitants, a native himself, and
exceedingly fond of missionaries. He is said also to be very skillful in
the _cuisine_ peculiar to the island.
"During the season of gathering the pepper, the persons employed are
subject to various incommodities, the chief of which is violent and
long-continued sternutation, or sneezing. Such is the vehemence of these
attacks, that the unfortunate subjects of them are often driven
backwards for great distances at immense speed, on the well-known
principle of the aeolipile. Not being able to see where they are going,
these poor creatures dash themselves to pieces against the rocks or are
precipitated over the cliffs, and thus many valuable lives are lost
annually. As, during the whole pepper-harvest, they feed wholly on this
stimulant, they become exceedingly irritable. The smallest injury is
resented with ungovernable rage. A young man suffering from the
_pepper-fever_, as is called, cudgeled another most severely for
appropriating a superannuated relative of trifling value, and was only
pacified by having a present made him of a pig of that peculiar species
of swine called the _Peccavi_ by the Catholic Jews, who, it is well
known, abstain from swine's flesh in imitation of the Mahometan
Buddhists.
"The bread-tree grows abundantly. Its branches are well known to Europe
and America under the familiar name of _maccaroni_. The smaller twigs
are called _vermicelli_. They have a decided animal flavor, as may be
observed in the soups containing them. Maccaroni, being tubular, is the
favourite habitat of a very dangerous insect, which is rendered
peculiarly ferocious by being boiled. The government of the island,
therefore, never allows a stick of it to be exported without being
accompanied by a piston with which its cavity may at any time be
thoroughly swept out. These are commonly lost or stolen before the
maccaroni arrives among us. It therefore always contains many of these
insects, which, however, generally die of old age in the shops, so that
accidents from this source are comparitavely rare.
"The fruit of the bread-tree consists principally of hot rolls. The
buttered-muffin variety is supposed to be a hybrid with the cocoa-nut
palm, the cream found on the milk of the cocoa-nut exuding from the
hybrid in the shape of butter, just as the ripe fruit is splitting, so
as to fit it for the tea-table, where it is commonly served up with
cold"--
--There,--I don't want to read any more of it. You see that many of
these statements are highly improbable.--No, I shall not mention the
paper.--No, neither of them wrote it, though it reminds me of the style
of these popular writers. I think the fellow who wrote it must have been
reading some of their stories, and got them mixed up with his history
and geography. I don't suppose _he_ lies;--he sells it to the editor,
who knows how many squares off "Sumatra" is. The editor, who sells it to
the public----By the way, the papers have been very civil----haven't
they?--to the--the--what d'ye call it?--"Northern Magazine,"--isn't
it?--got up by some of those Come-outers, down East, as an organ for
their local peculiarities.