THE following, which we have heard told as a fact, some time ago, may be
beneficial to some gentleman who has a young and unsuspecting wife:
A certain man, who lived about ten miles from K----, was in the habit of
going to town, about once a week, and getting on a regular spree, and
would not return until he had time to "cool off," which was generally
two or three days. His wife was ignorant of the cause of his staying out
so long, and suffered greatly from anxiety about his welfare. When he
would return, of course his confiding wife would inquire what had been
the matter with him, and the usual reply was, that he was caught on the
jury, and couldn't get off.
Having gathered his corn, and placed it in a large heap, he, according
to custom, determined to call in his neighbors, and have a real
corn-shucking frolic. So he gave Ned, a faithful servant, a jug and an
order, to go to town and get a gallon of whiskey--a very necessary
article on such occasions. Ned mounted a mule, and was soon in town,
and, equipped with the whiskey, remounted to set out for home, all
buoyant with the prospect of fun at shucking.
When he had proceeded a few hundred yards from town, he concluded to
take the "stuff," and not satisfied with once, he kept trying until the
world turned round so fast, that he turned off the mule, and then he
went to sleep, and the mule to grazing. It was now nearly night, and
when Ned awoke it was just before the break of day, and so dark, that he
was unable to make any start towards home until light. As soon as his
bewilderment had subsided, so that he could get the "point," he started
with an empty jug, the whiskey having run out, and afoot, for the mule
had gone home. Of course he was contemplating the application of a "two
year old hickory," as he went on at the rate of two forty.
Ned reached home about breakfast time, and "fetched up" at the back
door, with a decidedly guilty countenance.
"What in thunder have you been at, you black rascal?" said his master.
Ned knowing his master's excuse to his wife, when he went on a spree,
determined to tell the truth, if he died for it, and said:
"Well, massa, to tell the truth, I was kotch on the jury, and couldn't
get off."--_Nashville News._