SIR ALLEN MCNAB was once traveling by steamer, and as luck would have
it, was obliged to occupy a state-room with a full blooded Yankee. In
the morning, while Sir Allen was dressing, he beheld his companion
making thorough researches into his (Sir Allen's) dressing case. Having
completed his examination, he proceeded coolly to select the
tooth-brush, and therewith to bestow on his long yellow teeth an
energetic scrubbing. Sir Allen said not a word. When Jonathan had
concluded, the old Scotchman gravely set the basin on the floor, soaped
one foot well, and taking the tooth-brush, applied it vigorously to his
toes and toe-nails.
"You dirty fellow," exclaimed the astonished Yankee, "what the mischief
are you doing that for?"
"Oh," said Sir Allen coolly, "that's the brush I always do it with."
DROVERS _vs._ FOPS.
DINNER was spread in the cabin of that peerless steamer, the New World,
and a splendid company were assembled about the table. Among the
passengers thus prepared for gastronomic duty, was a little creature of
the genus Fop, decked daintily as an early butterfly, with kids of
irreproachable whiteness, "miraculous" neck-tie, and spider-like
quizzing glass on his nose. The little delicate animal turned his head
aside with,
"Waitah!"
"Sah!"
"Bwing me a pwopellah of a fwemale woostah!"
"Yes, Sah!"
"And, waitah, tell the steward to wub my plate with a vegetable,
wulgarly called onion, which will give a delicious flavow to my dinnah."
While the refined exquisite was giving his order, a jolly western drover
had listened with opened mouth and protruding eyes. When the diminutive
creature paused, he brought his fist down upon the table with a force
that made every dish bounce, and then thundered out:
"Here you darned ace-of-spades!"
"Yes, Sah!"
"Bring me a thunderin' big plate of skunk's gizzards!"
"Sah!"
"And, old ink pot, tuck a horse blanket under my chin, and rub me down
with brickbats while I feed!"
The poor dandy showed a pair of straight coat-tails instanter, and the
whole table joined in a "tremenjous" roar.