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[Illustration: THE RAILWAY JUGGERNAUT OF 1845]
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[Illustration: AFTER A DERBY-WINNER-DINNER
_Diner._ "Ticket."
_Clerk._ "What station?"
_Diner._ "Wha-stashun ve-you-got?"]
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[Illustration: "THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM"
_Mr. Foozler (who, while waiting for the last train, has wandered to the
end of the platform, opened the door of the signal-box, and watched the
signalman's manipulations of the levers for some moments with hazy
perplexity, suddenly)._ "Arf o' Burt'n 'n birrer f' me, guv'nor!"]
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[Illustration: "Third-class single to Ruswarp, please, and a dog ticket.
How much?"
"Fourpence-halfpenny--threepence for the dog, and three-halfpence for
yourself."
"Ah! you reckon by _legs_ on this line."]
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[Illustration: THE QUESTION SETTLED
_Mrs. M-l-pr-p._ "The fact is, my love, that these terrible collusions
would never occur if the trains was only more punctilious!"]
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A NEEDLESS PANIC.--Mrs. Malaprop is puzzled to know what people mean
when they talk of the present alarming Junction of affairs. She hopes it
has nothing to do with the railways, in which she has some Deference
shares.
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THOUGHT BY A RAILWAY DIRECTOR.--Britannia used to rule the waves. She
now rules the land--with lines.
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[Illustration: THE OLD HALL]
(_A Story of Delusive Aspirations_)
1. Jones was a tuft-hunter. One day, in a train, he encountered an
elderly gentleman who aroused great interest in his bosom. "Porter,"
said that elderly gentleman, "'ave you seen my old hall?" "Got an old
hall!" murmured Jones to himself. "Rich man--probably duke! Should like
to cultivate him!"
2. The stranger was affable. "Did you ever 'ave an old hall?" he said.
"Why--er--n-no," said Jones. "Very convenient thing to 'ave," said the
stranger. "I've got all manner o' things in my old hall." "Ah--armour,
and ancestors, and tapestry, and secret doors, no doubt," thought Jones
to himself.
3. "You must see my old hall," said the stranger. "I'll show you all the
ins and outs of it. I can put you up----" "Really very good of you!"
exclaimed Jones. "Shall be delighted to accept----" "Put you up to no
hend of wrinkles about old halls," continued the stranger.
4. They alighted at the terminus. "There--there's my old hall! Hain't it
a beauty?" said the stranger. Jones sank slowly to the earth, without a
groan. That ungrammatical stranger's vaunted possession was a hold-all.
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