* * * * *
[Illustration: VICARIOUS!
(_On the Underground Railway_)
_Irascible Old Gentleman (who is just a second too late)._ "Confound and
D----!"
_Fair Stranger (who feels the same, but dare not express it)._ "Oh,
thank you, _so_ much!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: UNDERGROUND RAILWAY
_Old Lady._ "Well, I'm sure no woman with the least sense of decency
would think of going down _that_ way to it."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: REGULAR IRREGULARITY
_Passenger (in a hurry)._ "Is this train punctual?"
_Porter._ "Yessir, generally a quarter of an hour late to a minute!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Perspiring Countryman (who has just, with the utmost
difficulty, succeeded in catching train)._ "Phew! Just saved it by
t'skin o' my _teeth_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "'TIS BETTER NOT TO KNOW"
_Impudent Boy (generally)._ "Try yer weight--only a penny!" (_To lady of
commanding proportions in particular._) "'Tell yer 'xact weight to a
hounce, mum!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: APPALLING DISCLOSURES OVERHEARD BY AN OLD LADY IN THE
CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO RUFFIANS IN A RAILWAY CARRIAGE.
_First Artist._ "Children don't seem to me to sell now as they used."
_Second Artist (in a hoarse whisper)._ "Well, I was at Stodge's
yesterday. He'd just knocked off three little girls' heads--horrid raw
things--a dealer came in, sir--bought 'em directly--took 'em away, wet
as they were, on the stretchers, and wanted Stodge to let him have some
more next week."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: NECESSITIES OF LIFE
"Yes, my lady. James went this morning with the hunters, and I've sent
on the heavy luggage with Charles. But I've got your pencil-case, the
bicycle, your ladyship's golf clubs and hunting crop and billiard cue,
the lawn tennis racket, the bezique cards and markers, your ladyship's
betting book and racing glasses and skates and walking-stick--and if
I've forgotten anything I can easily wire back for it from the first
station we stop at."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A STRIKING ATTITUDE