[A meeting at Manchester raised a protest against the nuisance caused by
the needlessly loud "slamming" of railway carriage doors.]
The porter has a patent "slam,"
Which smites one like a blow,
And everywhere that porter comes
That "slam" is sure to go.
It strikes upon the tym-pa-num
Like shock of dynamite;
By day it nearly makes you dumb--
It deafens you at night.
When startled by the patent "slam"
The pious "pas-sen-jare,"
Says something else that ends in "am"
(Or he has patience rare).
Not only does it cause a shock,
But--Manchester remarks--
"Depreciates the rolling stock,"
Well, that is rather larks!
_That's_ not the point. The porter's slam
Conduces to insanity,
And, though as mild as Mary's lamb,
Drives men to loud profanity.
If Manchester the "slam" can stay
By raising of a stir,
All railway-travellers will say,
"Bully for Man-ches-ter!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: MANNERS AND CVSTOMS OF YE ENGLYSHE IN 1849