A Choleric Old Gentleman. A Cool Young Party.
SCENE.--A Richmond Railway Carriage.
TIME.--About 12 noon.
_Choleric Old Gentleman (panting, puffing, perspiring)._ Hot, sir,
tremendously hot.
_Cool Young Party._ It is warm.
_C. O. G._ Warm, sir! I call it blazing hot. Why the glass is 98 deg. in the
shade!
_C. Y. P._ Really! is that much?
_C. O. G._ Much, sir! Immense!
_C. Y. P._ Well, then, the glass is perfectly right.
_C. O. G._ Right, sir! I don't understand you, sir. What do you mean by
saying it is right, sir?
_C. Y. P._ I mean that the glass is quite right to be as much in the
shade as it can in this warm weather.
[_Choleric Old Gentleman collapses._
* * * * *
[Illustration: QUITE UNIMPORTANT.
_Thompson (interrogatively, to beauteous but haughty damsel, whom he has
just helped to alight)._ "I beg your pardon?"
_Haughty Damsel._ "I did not speak!"
_Thompson._ "Oh--I thought you said 'Thanks'!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
"I'm afraid we shan't have this compartment to ourselves any longer,
Janet." "Oh, it's all right, aunty darling. If you put your head out of
window, I dare say nobody will come in!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A SCENE AT A RAILWAY STATION
_Groom._ "Beg pardon, sir,--but wos your name Tomkins?" _Tomkins._
"Yes!" _Groom._ "If you please, sir, master says he wos werry sorry
as he couldn't send the feeaton--but, as his young 'oss wanted
exercise, he thought you wouldn't mind ridin' of 'im!"
[_Tomkins bursts into a cold perspiration._]
* * * * *