_Murdoch McWhannel, 3, Poynings Avenue, Glasgow, N.W._, to _Messrs.
Fairley and Willing, house-factors there_.
_January 3, 191--._
I have been seriously annoyed for some weeks now by a noisy
chimney-cowl on your property at 15, Poynings Road. It is on the
stack of chimneys at the rear of your property, and within about
fifty yards of the back windows of this house. During the recent
high winds the cowl has kept up a continual shrieking, day and
night, which has been extremely destructive to "Nature's sweet
restorer, balmy sleep." I trust that you will be so good as to have
the cowl overhauled, and this cause of disturbance removed.
_Messrs. Fairley and Willing_ to _Murdoch McWhannel_.
_January 6, 191-._
_Re_ your letter of 3rd curt., the chimney cowl at 15, Poynings
Road shall have our immediate attention.
_Murdoch McWhannel_ to _Messrs. Fairley and Willing_.
_January 7, 191-._
I have to thank you for your prompt and courteous reply to my
letter of 3rd January, and am glad to know that the noisy cowl will
have your immediate attention.
_The Same_ to _the Same_.
_January 14, 191-._
May I remind you that in your letter of 6th January you were good
enough to promise that the noisy cowl at 15, Poynings Road would
have your immediate attention? Of course I know that it is
difficult to get tradesmen to work so soon after the New Year
holidays, but they should now be available, and the cowl is having
a very serious effect on the health and nerves of the residents
here.
_Messrs. Fairley and Willing_ to _Murdoch McWhannel_.
_January 17, 191-._
_Re_ chimney cowl at 15, Poynings Road and your letter of 14th
curt., we are surprised to receive same. We sent out a tradesman on
January 11, who reported same date that he had oiled and adjusted
the cowl, and that it would give no further trouble. If you are
still troubled, some other cowl must be causing it now. We
understand, from enquiries made on the spot, that there is a noisy
one, not on our property at all, but on Hathaway Mansions. We hope
you will find this explanation satisfactory.
_Murdoch McWhannel_ to _Messrs. Fairley and Willing_.
_January 19, 191-._
I am surprised by the contents of your letter of 17th, for which I
am much obliged. If your tradesman attended to a cowl on the back
stack of your property at 15, Poynings Road, on January 11, he must
have attended to the wrong cowl. One can readily understand that if
he adjusted and oiled a cowl which had not been making any noise it
would continue to be silent. The error might easily occur,
especially so soon after the New Year holidays. This is the only
explanation I can think of, for the noise has been as bad as ever.
I trust you will have the matter further looked into, as the
situation, especially in regard to my wife's nerves, is becoming
more and more serious.
_Messrs. Fairley and Willing_ to _Murdoch McWhannel_.
_January 23, 191-._
_In re_ chimney cowl at 15, Poynings Road and your letter of
January 19, we can only say that it surprises us very much. We
employ only the most competent tradesmen, who could not possibly
make the kind of mistake you suppose. We beg to refer you to the
part of our letter of January 17 referring to Hathaway Mansions.
_Murdoch McWhannel_ to _Messrs. Fairley and Willing_.
_January 24, 191-._
I regret very much the tone of your letter of January 23. It is
hardly courteous to suggest, as your letter does, that I cannot
distinguish between the noise of a cowl on Hathaway Mansions, which
are fully 150 yards away, and one which is practically just above
my bedroom. As I write this letter, seated at a table at the window
of my study, I can actually see the cowl shrieking--if you will
pardon a figure of speech which has perhaps a Hibernian flavour. As
my study is built out to the back of this house, it is parallel
with your property at 15, Poynings Road. I am within fifty yards of
the offending cowl. The noise it makes rises and falls in
shrillness according to the speed at which the cowl revolves under
the pressure of the wind. We are not disturbed at all by any cowl
on Hathaway Mansions, but by this one of yours, about which I wrote
you first so long ago as January 3. I have kept a diary of the cowl
since then and for some days earlier, showing the number of hours
per day that we have been annoyed by it, the number of times it has
prevented us from getting to sleep at the usual time, the number of
nights we have been wakened from the same cause, and the number of
mornings when we have been prematurely wakened, often as early as
seven o'clock, and prevented from getting to sleep again. I shall
be glad to send you a copy of this document for your information.
The original I must retain, in case any legal proceedings should be
necessary, as I have had each item in the diary certified by my
wife and our house-tablemaid, a very intelligent and observant
girl. I hope, however, it may not be necessary to take any legal
steps, such as an action of interdict and damages at my instance,
or a prosecution for nuisance at the instance of the public
authority, which in this case would be the City Council, to a
number of which body I am not altogether unknown. In fact I may say
I took the opportunity of mentioning the matter to Bailie McPartan
at a municipal conversazione to which my wife and I were invited
last week. I do not wish to trouble you by writing at any undue
length on this subject, but I think it right and only fair to tell
you that owing to the actual noise of the cowl, and perhaps even
more (as our doctor says) to the mental strain of listening to hear
whether it is going to begin again, my wife is on the verge of a
complete nervous collapse, which seems likely to necessitate some
weeks' rest cure in a nursing home, and possibly a trip to the
Canaries. I am advised by my lawyer that these are contingent
liabilities, the burden of which would fall upon you as the owner
of the cowl. In these circumstances I feel sure you will favour the
immediate removal of this nuisance.
_Messrs. Fairley and Willing_ to _Murdoch McWhannel_.
_January 27, 191-._
Your letter of 24th curt. will receive immediate attention at the
hands of our solicitors. Messrs. Samson and Samuel, 114, North
Regent Street, to whom perhaps you will kindly address any further
communications you may think necessary _re_ cowl.
_Gilbert Macdonald, 5, Poynings Avenue, Glasgow, N.W._, to _George
Willing, house factor_.
_February 3, 191-._
DEAR WILLING,--For Heaven's sake, as an old friend, spike or remove
the chimney cowl that McWhannel at No. 3 has written you about. He
has called on me twice and written three long letters, "to enlist
my sympathy and support." He is the most poisonous kind of bore,
and I'll gladly pay for the removal of the cowl, if that's the only
way of muzzling him.
_Reply by telephone, summarised._ _Willing_ to _Macdonald_.
_February 4, 191-._
I would do so, for friendship's sake, but I've just sold the property. I
preferred that to having any more letters from him.
_Messrs. Fairley and Willing_ to _Murdoch McWhannel_.
_February 14, 191-._
_Re_ your letters to Messrs. Samson and Samuel of January 29th and
31st, and February 2nd, 5th, 8th, 11th, and your telegrams of 12th
and 13th, we have now pleasure in advising you that we have sold
the property at 15, Poynings Road, including the cowl, to the
Corporation. We understand that the Corporation propose to use the
premises as a reception house in connection with their Home for
Lost Dogs, and we trust that this arrangement will be satisfactory
to you.
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[Illustration: HINTS TO ARTISTS AND WRITERS WHO NEED TO ADVERTISE
THEMSELVES BY SOME ECCENTRICITY OF COSTUME.
WHILE THE MOST ELABORATE ATTEMPTS TO DRAW ATTENTION OFTEN FALL FLAT,
SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST DEVIATION FROM THE USUAL MAY PROVE
IRRESISTIBLE.]
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Commercial Candour.