=Source.=--Diarists quoted in _History of Brighthelmston_. John
Ackerson Erredge. Brighton, 1862.
(A.) THE LIBRARIES.
There is a sort of rivalry between the two Librarians on the Steyne,
as to their subscription books; which shall most justly deserve the
title of the book of Numbers.--There is a constant struggle between
them, which shall be most courteous; and the effects are those usually
consequent upon an opposition. Sir Christopher Caustic, this morning
was turning over the leaves, at Bowen’s, which contain the names of
the subscribers. Mr. Bowen bowed _a la Novarre_ or _Gallini_, and
with offered pen and ink, craved the honour of--an additional name:
this being his first season, and having been purposely misinformed
by some would-be-witty wag; “Sir,” said Mr. Bowen, displaying, all
the time, two irregular rows of remarkably white teeth, “yours will
stand immediately after that of the Honourable Charles James Fox,
Esq., and before that of Mrs. Franco, the rich Jew’s lady. Esquire
W----d’s was to have been on the medium line, but, poor gentleman,
he is unfortunately _detained_ near London, on _emergent_ business.”
To what a degree was the dealer in stationery let down, when he was
afterwards regularly rectified; when by explanatory notes, and critical
commentations, he came to be fully informed that the individual Mr.
Fox in question was not the celebrated senator of that name, but an
Irish _Jontleman_, who condescends in winter to keep a chop house at
the corner of the play-house passage, in Bow Street, Covent Garden;
and every autumnal season, has frequent opportunities of storming and
swearing at the ladies who may have the good fortune to belong to the
Brighthelmstone company of Comedians, he being sole manager thereof.
And such management!--_Scarrons Rancour_, who filled all the characters
in a play by himself, was a fool to him....
Mr. Thomas, the other librarian, must be noticed in turn. He hath been
years enough practising small talk with the ladies and gentlemen upon
the Steyne, and hath arrived at a surprising degree of precision in
pronouncing French-English. He is now reading the newspaper to some of
his subscribers, with an audible voice, and repeatedly calls a detached
body of troops a _corpse_; a _tour_ he improves into a _tower_; and
delivers his words in a _promiscas_ manner. It is near seven in the
evening, and the widow Fussic has just waddled into his shop, with
a parasol in her right, and a spying-glass in her left hand. Thomas
offers her a _General Advertiser_. “Lord bless me!” says she, “Mr.
Thomas, how damp this paper is, tho’ it has come so far, and must have
been printed so long since! What reason can you give for it?”--Mr.
Thomas observes, considers and explains, in a most explicit manner,
the cause and the effect, to the inquisitive lady, naturally speaking,
as a body may say; proving to a demonstration, according to Candide,
that there can be no effect without a cause; and that of course, damp
papers, closely compressed, will continue damp a considerable time.
In the interim, Miss Fanny Fussic stares and whispers to her brother
Bobby, while he is subscribing to a raffle, that Mr. Thomas must be a
most prodigious man monstrously intelligent, and withal, that he is
amazingly communicative: “He knows but every-thing,” says she, “and
tells but every-thing he knows.”
(B.) THE RAFFLES.
Every article of convenience, every trinket of luxury, is transferred
by this uncertain, quick mode of conveyance. Not a shop without its
rattle-trap,--rattle, rattle, rattle, morning and evening. Here may
be seen,--walk in and see,--an abridgement of the wisdom of this
world;--the pomps and vanities are at large, varying like yonder
evanescent clouds. Observe the fond parent initiating her forward
offspring in the use of the dice-box, and herself setting the example;
yet may she wonder, at some future day, and think her throw in life’s
raffle extremely severe, that a propensity to that and similar habits
should continue and increase.