F.--'T is only wisdom should be bound in calf.
S.--Why?
F.--Because wisdom is the veal of which folly is the matured beef.
S.--Then folly should be garbed in cow-skin?
F.--Aye, that it might the more speedily appear for what it is--the
naked truth.
S.--How should it?
F.--You would soon strip off its hide to make harness and trappings
withal. No one thinks how much conquerors owe to cows.
* * * * *
FOOL.--Tell me, hero, what is strategy?
SOLDIER.--The art of laying two knives against one throat.
F.--And what are tactics?
S.--The art of driving them home.
F.--Supermundane lexicographer!
S.--I'll bust thy crust! (_Attempts to draw his sword, gets it between
his legs, and falls along_.)
F. (_from a distance_)--Shall I summon an army, or a sexton? And will
you have it of bronze, or marble?
* * * * *
FOOL.--When you have gained a great victory, how much of the glory
goes to the horse whose back you bestrode?
SOLDIER.--Nonsense! A horse cannot appreciate glory; he prefers corn.
F.--And this you call non-appreciation! But listen. (_Reads_) "During
the Crusades, a part of the armament of a Turkish ship was two hundred
serpents." In the pursuit of glory you are at least not above
employing humble auxiliaries. These be curious allies.
S.--What stuff a fool may talk! No true soldier would pit a serpent
against a brave enemy. These worms were _sailors_.
F.--A nice distinction, truly! Did you ever, my most acute professor
of vivisection, employ your trenchant blade in the splitting of hairs?
S.--I have split masses of them.
* * * * *
FOOL.--Speaking of the Crusades: at the siege of Acre, when a part of
the wall had been thrown down by the Christians, the Pisans rushed
into the breach, but the greater part of their army being at dinner,
they were bloodily repulsed.
SOLDIER.--You appear to have a minute acquaintance with military
history.
F.--Yes--being a fool. But was it not a sin and a shame that those
feeders should not stir from their porridge to succour their suffering
comrades?
S.--Pray why should a man neglect his business to oblige a friend?
F.--But they might have taken and sacked the city.
S.--The selfish gluttons!
* * * * *
SOLDIER.--Your presumption grows intolerable; I'll hold no further
parley with thee.
FOOL.--"Herculean gentleman, I dread thy drubs; pity the lifted whites
of both my eyes!"
S.--Then speak no more of the things you do but imperfectly
understand.
F.--Such censorship would doom all tongues to silence. But show me
wherein my knowledge is deficient.
S.--What is an _abattis_?
F.--Rubbish placed in front of a fort, to keep the rubbish outside
from getting at the rubbish inside.
S.--Egad! I'll part thy hair!