I arrive at Newcastle—meet with my old Schoolfellow Strap—we determine
to walk together to London—set out on our Journey—put up at a solitary
Alehouse—are disturbed by a strange Adventure in the Night
There is no such convenience as a waggon in this country, and my
finances were too weak to support the expense of hiring a horse: I
determined therefore to set out with the carriers, who transport goods
from one place to another on horseback; and this scheme I accordingly
put in execution on the 1st day of September, 1739, sitting upon a
pack-saddle between two baskets, one of which contained my goods in a
knapsack. But by the time we arrived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne I was so
fatigued with the tediousness of the carriage, and benumbed with the
coldness of the weather, that I resolved to travel the rest of my
journey on foot, rather than proceed in such a disagreeable manner.
The ostler of the inn at which we put up, understanding I was bound for
London, advised me to take my passage in a collier which would be both
cheap and expeditious and withal much easier than to walk upwards of
three hundred miles through deep roads in the winter time, a journey
which he believed I had not strength enough to perform. I was almost
persuaded to take his advice, when one day, stepping into a barber’s
shop to be shaved, the young man, while he lathered my face, accosted
me thus: “Sir, I presume you are a Scotchman.” I answered in the
affirmative. “Pray,” continued he, “from what part of Scotland?” I no
sooner told him, than he discovered great emotion, and not confining
his operation to my chin and upper lip, besmeared my whole face with
great agitation. I was so offended at this profusion that starting up,
I asked him what the d—l he meant by using me so? He begged pardon,
telling me his joy at meeting with a countryman had occasioned some
confusion in him, and craved my name. But, when I declared my name was
Random, he exclaimed in rapture, “How! Rory Random?” “The same,” I
replied, looking at him with astonishment. “What!” cried he, “don’t you
know your old schoolfellow, Hugh Strap?”
At that instant recollecting his face, I flew into his arms, and in the
transport of my joy, gave him back one-half of the suds he had so
lavishly bestowed on my countenance; so that we made a very ludicrous
appearance, and furnished a great deal of mirth for his master and
shopmates, who were witnesses of this scene. When our mutual caresses
were over I sat down again to be shaved, but the poor fellow’s nerves
were so discomposed by this unexpected meeting that his hand could
scarcely hold the razor, with which, nevertheless, he found means to
cut me in three places in as many strokes. His master, perceiving his
disorder, bade another supply his place, and after the operation was
performed, gave Strap leave to pass the rest of the day with me.
We retired immediately to my lodgings, where, calling for some beer, I
desired to be informed of his adventures, which contained nothing more
than that his master dying before his time was out, he had come to
Newcastle about a year ago, in expectation of journeywork, along with
three young fellows of his acquaintance who worked in the keels; that
he had the good fortune of being employed by a very civil master, with
whom he intended to stay till the spring, at which time he proposed to
go to London, where he did not doubt of finding encouragement. When I
communicated to him my situation and design, he did not approve of my
taking a passage by sea, by reason of the danger of a winter voyage,
which is very hazardous along that coast, as well as the precariousness
of the wind, which might possibly detain me a great while, to the no
small detriment of my fortune; whereas, if I would venture by land, he
would bear me company, carry my baggage all the way, and if we should
be fatigued before we could perform the journey it would be no hard
matter for us to find on the road either return horses or waggons, of
which we might take the advantage for a very trifling expense.
I was so ravished at this proposal that I embraced him affectionately,
and assured him he might command my purse to the last farthing; but he
gave me to understand he had saved money sufficient to answer his own
occasions; and that he had a friend in London who would soon introduce
him into business in that capital, and possibly have it in his power to
serve me also.
Having concerted the plan and settled our affairs that night, we
departed next morning by daybreak, armed with a good cudgel each (my
companion being charged with the furniture of us both crammed into one
knapsack), and our money sewed between the linings and waistbands of
our breeches, except some loose silver for our immediate expenses on
the road, We travelled all day at a round pace, but, being ignorant of
the proper stages, were benighted at a good distance from any inn, so
that we were compelled to take up our lodging at a small hedge
alehouse, that stood on a byroad, about half-a-mile from the highway:
there we found a pedlar of our own country, in whose company we regaled
ourselves with bacon and eggs, and a glass of good ale, before a
comfortable fire, conversing all the while very sociably with the
landlord and his daughter, a hale buxom lass, who entertained us with
great good humour, and in whose affection I was vain enough to believe
I had made some progress. About eight o’clock we were all three, at our
own desire, shown into an apartment furnished with two beds, in one of
which Strap and I betook ourselves to rest, and the pedlar occupied the
other, though not before he had prayed a considerable time extempore,
searched into every corner of the room, and fastened the door on the
inside with a strong iron screw, which he carried about with him for
that use.
I slept very sound till midnight when I was disturbed by a violent
motion of the bed, which shook under me with a continual tremor.
Alarmed at this phenomenon, I jogged my companion, whom, to my no small
amazement, I found drenched in sweat, and quaking through every limb;
he told me, with a low faltering voice, that we were undone; for there
was a bloody highwayman, loaded with pistols, in the next room; then,
bidding me make as little noise as possible, he directed me to a small
chink in the board partition through which I could see a thick-set
brawny fellow, with a fierce countenance, sitting at a table with our
young landlady, having a bottle of ale and a brace of pistols before
him.
I listened with great attention, and heard him say, in a terrible tone,
“D—n that son of a b—h, Smack the coachman; he has served me a fine
trick, indeed! but d—ion seize me, if I don’t make him repent it! I’ll
teach the scoundrel to give intelligence to others while he is under
articles with me.”
Our landlady endeavoured to appease this exasperated robber, by saying
he might be mistaken in Smack, who perhaps kept no correspondence with
the other gentleman that robbed his coach; and that, if an accident had
disappointed him to-day, he might soon find opportunities enough to
atone for his lost trouble. “I’ll tell thee what, my dear Bet,” replied
he, “I never had, nor ever shall, while my name is Rifle, have such a
glorious booty as I missed to-day. Z—s! there was £400 in cash to
recruit men for the king’s service, besides the jewels, watches,
swords, and money belonging to the passengers. Had it been my fortune
to have got clear off with so much treasure, I would have purchased a
commission in the army, and made you an officer’s lady, you jade, I
would.” “Well, well,” cries Betty, “we must trust to Providence for
that. But did you find nothing worth taking which escaped the other
gentlemen of the road?” “Not much, faith,” said the lover; “I gleaned a
few things, such as a pair of pops, silver mounted (here they are): I
took them loaded from the captain who had the charge of the money,
together with a gold watch which he had concealed in his breeches. I
likewise found ten Portugal pieces in the shoes of a quaker, whom the
spirit moved to revile me with great bitterness and devotion; but what
I value myself mostly for is, this here purchase, a gold snuffbox, my
girl, with a picture on the inside of the lid; which I untied out of
the tail of a pretty lady’s smock.”
Here, as the devil would have it, the pedlar snored so loud, that the
highwayman, snatching his pistols, started up, crying, “Hell and d-n-n!
I am betrayed! Who’s that in the next room?” Mrs. Betty told him he
need not be uneasy: there were only three poor travellers, who, missing
the road, had taken up their lodgings in the house, and were asleep
long ago. “Travellers,” says he, “spies, you b—ch! But no matter; I’ll
send them all to hell in an instant!” He accordingly ran towards our
door; when his sweetheart interposing, assured him, there was only a
couple of poor young Scotchmen, who were too raw and ignorant to give
him the least cause of suspicion; and the third was a presbyterian
pedlar of the same nation, who had often lodged in the house before.
This declaration satisfied the thief, who swore he was glad there was a
pedlar, for he wanted some linen. Then, in a jovial manner, he put
about the glass, mingling his discourse to Betty with caresses and
familiarities, that spoke him very happy in his amours. During that
part of the conversation which regarded this, Strap had crept under the
bed, where he lay in the agonies of fear; so that it was with great
difficulty I persuaded him our danger was over, and prevailed on him to
awake the pedlar, and inform him of what he had seen and heard.
The itinerant merchant no sooner felt somebody shaking him by the
shoulder, than he started up, called, as loud as he could, “Thieves,
thieves! Lord have mercy upon us!” And Rifle, alarmed at this
exclamation, jumped up, cocked one of his pistols, and turned towards
the door to kill the first man that should enter; for he verily
believed himself beset: when his Dulcinea, after an immoderate fit of
laughter, persuaded him that the poor pedlar, dreaming of thieves, had
only cried out in his sleep.
Meanwhile, my comrade had undeceived our fellow-lodger, and informed
him of his reason for disturbing him; upon which, getting up softly, he
peeped through the hole, and was so terrified with what he saw, that,
falling down on his bare knees, he put up a long petition to Heaven to
deliver him from the hands of that ruffian, and promised never to
defraud a customer for the future of the value of a pin’s point,
provided he might be rescued from the present danger. Whether or not
his disburthening his conscience afforded him any ease I knew not, but
he slipped into bed again, and lay very quiet until the robber and his
mistress were asleep, and snored in concert; then, rising softly, he
untied a rope that was round his pack, which making fast to one end of
it, he opened the window with as little noise as possible, and lowered
his goods into the yard with great dexterity: then he moved gently to
our bedside and bade us farewell, telling us that, as we ran no risk we
might take our rest with great confidence, and in the morning assure
the landlord that we knew nothing of his escape, and, lastly, shaking
us by the hands, and wishing us all manner of success, he let himself
drop from the window without any danger, for the ground was not above a
yard from his feet as he hung on the outside.
Although I did not think proper to accompany him in his flight, I was
not at all free from apprehension when I reflected on what might be the
effect of the highwayman’s disappointment; as he certainly intended to
make free with the pedlar’s ware. Neither was my companion at more ease
in his mind, but on the contrary, so possessed with the dreadful idea
of Rifle, that he solicited me strongly to follow our countryman’s
example, and so elude the fatal resentment of that terrible adventurer,
who would certainly wreak his vengeance on us as accomplices of the
pedlar’s elopement. But I represented to him the danger of giving Rifle
cause to think we know his profession, and suggested that, if ever he
should meet us again on the road, he would look upon us as dangerous
acquaintance, and find it his interest to put us out of the way. I told
him, withal, my confidence in Betty’s good nature, in which he
acquiesced; and during the remaining part of the night we concerted a
proper method of behaviour, to render us unsuspected in the morning.
It was no sooner day than Betty, entering our chamber, and perceiving
our window open, cried out, “Odds-bobs! sure you Scotchmen must have
hot constitutions to lie all night with the window open in such cold
weather.” I feigned to start out of sleep, and, withdrawing the
curtain, called, “What’s the matter?” When she showed me, I affected
surprise, and said, “Bless me! the window was shut when we went to
bed.” “I’ll be hanged,” said she, “if Sawney Waddle, the pedlar, has
not got up in a dream and done it, for I heard him very obstropulous in
his sleep.—Sure I put a chamberpot under his bed!”
With these words she advanced to the bed, in which he lay, and, finding
the sheets cold, exclaimed, “Good lackadaisy! The rogue is fled.”
“Fled,” cried I, with feigned amazement, “God forbid! Sure he has not
robbed us!” Then, springing up, I laid hold of my breeches, and emptied
all my loose money into my hand; which having reckoned, I said, “Heaven
be praised, our money is all safe! Strap, look to the knapsack.” He did
so, and found all was right. Upon which we asked, with seeming concern,
if he had stolen nothing belonging to the house. “No, no,” replied she,
“he has stole nothing but his reckoning;” which, it seems, this pious
pedlar had forgot to discharge in the midst of his devotion.
Betty, after a moment’s pause withdrew, and immediately we could hear
her waken Rifle, who no sooner heard of Waddle’s flight than he jumped
out of bed and dressed, venting a thousand execrations, and vowing to
murder the pedlar if ever he should set eyes on him again: “For,” said
he “the scoundrel has by this time raised the hue and cry against me.”
Having dressed himself in a hurry, he mounted his horse, and for that
time rid us of his company and a thousand fears that were the
consequence of it.
While we were at breakfast, Betty endeavoured, by all the cunning she
was mistress of, to learn whether or no we suspected our fellow-lodger,
whom we saw take horse; but, as we were on our guard, we answered her
sly questions with a simplicity she could not distrust; when, all of a
sudden, we heard the trampling of a horse’s feet at the door. This
noise alarmed Strap so much, whose imagination was wholly engrossed by
the image of Rifle, that, with a countenance as pale as milk, he cried,
“O Lord! there is the highwayman returned!”
Our landlady, staring at these words, said, “What highwayman, young
man? Do you think any highwaymen harbour here?”
Though I was very much disconcerted at this piece of indiscretion in
Strap, I had presence of mind enough to tell her we had met a horseman
the day before, whom Strap had foolishly supposed to be a highwayman,
because he rode with pistols; and that he had been terrified at the
sound of a horse’s feet ever since.
She forced a smile at the ignorance and timidity of my comrade; but I
could perceive, not without great concern, that this account was not at
all satisfactory to her.