psychologic instructor of whom I have spoken, in a newly engaged teacher
of history, geography, and arithmetic; all of which were my favorite
studies. With this man I formed a most peculiar friendship: he being
twenty years older than myself, and in every respect a highly educated
man; I, a child of twelve, neglected in every thing except in my
common-school education. He began by calling my attention to the
carelessness of my dress and the rudeness of my manners, and was the first
one who ever spoke kindly to me on the subject. I told him all my
thoughts; that I did not mean to be disagreeable, but that every one
thought that I could not be otherwise; that I was convinced that I was
good enough at heart; and that I had at last resigned myself to my
position, as something that could not be helped. My new friend lectured me
on the necessity of attracting others by an agreeable exterior and
courteous manners; and proved to me that I had unconsciously repelled them
by my carelessness, even when trying the most to please. His words made a
deep impression on me. I thanked him for every reproach, and strove to do
my best to gain his approbation. Henceforth my hair was always carefully
combed, my dress nicely arranged, and my collar in its place; and, as I
always won the first prizes in the school, two of the other teachers soon
grew friendly towards me, and began to manifest their preference quite
strongly. In a few months I became a different being. The bitterness that
had been growing up within me gradually disappeared; and I began to have
confidence in myself, and to try to win the companionship of the other
children. But a sudden change took place in my schoolmates, who grew
envious of the preference shown me by the teachers. Since they could no
longer ridicule me for the carelessness of my dress, they now began to
reproach me for my vanity, and to call me a coquette, who only thought of
pleasing through appearances. This blow was altogether too hard for me to
bear. I knew that they were wrong: for, with all the care I bestowed on my
dress, it was not half so fine as theirs; as I had but two calico dresses,
which I wore alternately, a week at a time, through the summer. I was
again repelled from them; and at noon, when the rest of the scholars went
home, I remained with my teacher-friend in the schoolroom, assisting him
in correcting the exercises of the pupils. I took the opportunity to tell
him of the curious envy that had taken possession of the girls; upon which
he began to explain to me human nature and its fallacies, drawing
inferences therefrom for personal application. He found a ready listener
in me. My inclination to abstract thought, combined with the unpleasant
experience I had had in life, made me an attentive pupil, and fitted me to
comprehend his reasoning in the broadest sense. For fifteen months, I thus
spent the noon-hour with him in the schoolroom; receiving lessons in and
reasoning upon concrete and abstract matters, that have since proved of
far more psychologic value to me than ten years of reading on the same
subjects could do. A strong attachment grew up between us: he became a
necessity to me, and I revered him like an oracle. But his health failed;
and he left the school at the end of these fifteen months, in a
consumption. Shortly after, he sent to the school for me one morning to
ask me to visit him on his deathbed. I was not permitted to leave the
class until noon; when, just as I was preparing to go, a messenger came to
inform the principal that he had died at eleven. This blow fell so heavily
upon me, that I wished to leave the school at once. I was forced to stay
three weeks longer, until the end of the quarter; when I left the
schoolroom on the 1st of April, 1843, at the age of thirteen years and
seven months, and never entered it again.
On the same day that I quitted my school, an aunt, with whom I was a
favorite, was attacked with a violent hemorrhage from the lungs, and
wished me to come to stay with her. This suited my taste. I went; and, for
a fortnight, was her sole nurse.
Upon my return home, my father told me, that, having quitted school, I
must now become a thorough housekeeper, of whom he might be proud; as this
was the only thing for which girls were intended by nature. I cheerfully
entered upon my new apprenticeship, and learned how to sweep, to scrub, to
wash, and to cook. This work answered very well as long as the novelty
lasted; but, as soon as this wore off, it became highly burdensome. Many a
forenoon, when I was alone, instead of sweeping and dusting, I passed the
hours in reading books from my father's library, until it grew so late,
that I was afraid that my mother, who had commenced practice, would come
home, and scold me for not attending to my work; when I would hurry to get
through, doing every thing so badly, that I had to hear daily that I was
good for nothing, and a nuisance in the world; and that it was not at all
surprising that I was not liked in school, for nobody could ever like or
be satisfied with me.
Meanwhile, my mother's practice gradually increased; and her generous and
kindly nature won the confidence of hundreds, who, wretchedly poor, found
in her, not only a humane woman, but a most skilful practitioner. The poor
are good judges of professional qualifications. Without the aid that
money can buy, without the comforts that the wealthy hardly heed, and
without friends whose advice is prompted by intelligence, they must depend
entirely upon the skill and humanity of those to whom they apply. Their
life and happiness are placed in the hands of the physician, and they
jealously regard the one to whom they intrust them. None but a good
practitioner can gain fame and praise in this class, which is thought so
easily satisfied. It is often said, "Oh! those people are poor, and will
be glad of any assistance." Far from it. There is no class so entirely
dependent for their subsistence upon their strength and health; these
constitute their sole capital, their stock in trade: and, when sick, they
anxiously seek out the best physicians; for, if unskilfully attended, they
may lose their all, their fortune, and their happiness.
My mother went everywhere, both night and day; and it soon came to pass,
that when she was sent for, and was not at home, I was deputed to go in
search of her. In this way I gradually became a regular appendage to my
mother; going with her in the winter nights from place to place, and
visiting those whom she could not visit during the day. I remember that in
January, 1845, my mother attended thirty-five women in childbed,--the list
of names is still in my possession,--and visited from sixteen to
twenty-five daily, with my assistance. I do not think, that, during the
month, we were in bed for one whole night. Two-thirds of these patients
were unable to pay a cent. During these years, I learned all of life that
it was possible for a human being to learn. I saw nobleness in dens, and
meanness in palaces; virtue among prostitutes, and vice among so-called
respectable women. I learned to judge human nature correctly; to see
goodness where the world found nothing but faults, and also to see faults
where the world could see nothing but virtue. The experience thus gained
cost me the bloom of youth; yet I would not exchange it for a life of
everlasting juvenescence. To keep up appearances is the aim of every one's
life; but to fathom these appearances, and judge correctly of what is
beneath them, ought to be the aim of those who seek to draw true
conclusions from life, or to benefit others by real sympathy.
One fact I learned, both at this time and afterwards; namely, that men
always sympathize with fallen and wretched women, while women themselves
are the first to raise and cast the stone at them. Why is this? Have not
women as much feeling as men? Why, women are said to be made up entirely
of feeling. How does it happen, then, that women condemn where men pity?
Do they do this in the consciousness of their own superior virtue? Ah, no!
for many of the condemning are no better than the condemned. The reason
is, that men know the world; that is, they know the obstacles in the path
of life, and that they draw lines to exclude women from earning an honest
livelihood, while they throw opportunities in their way to earn their
bread by shame. All men are aware of this: therefore the good as well as
the bad give pity to those that claim it. It is my honest and earnest
conviction, that the reason that men are unwilling for women to enter upon
public or business life is, not so much the fear of competition, or the
dread lest women should lose their gentleness, and thus deprive society of
this peculiar charm, as the fact that they are ashamed of the foulness of
life which exists outside of the house and home. The good man knows that
it is difficult to purify it: the bad man does not wish to be disturbed in
his prey upon society. If I could but give to all women the tenth part of
my experience, they would see that this is true; and would see, besides,
that only faith in ourselves and in each other is needed to work a
reformation. Let woman enter fully into business, with its serious
responsibilities and duties; let it be made as honorable and as profitable
to her as to men; let her have an equal opportunity for earning competence
and comfort,--and we shall need no other purification of society. Men are
no more depraved than women; or, rather, the total depravity of mankind is
a lie.
From the time of my leaving school until I was fifteen years old, my life
was passed, as I have described, in doing housework, attending the sick
with my mother, and reading a few books of a scientific and literary
character. At the end of this time, a letter came from an aunt of my
mother's, who was ill, and whose adopted daughter (who was my mother's
sister) was also an invalid, requesting me to visit and nurse them. I went
there in the fall. This was probably the most decisive event of my life.
My great-aunt had a cancer that was to be taken out. The other was
suffering from a nervous affection, which rendered her a confirmed
invalid. She was a most peculiar woman, and was a clairvoyant and
somnambulist of the most decided kind. Though not ill-natured, she was
full of caprices that would have exhausted the patience of the most
enduring of mortals.
This aunt of mine had been sick in bed for seven years with a nervous
derangement, which baffled the most skilful physicians who had visited
her. Her senses were so acute, that one morning she fell into convulsions
from the effect of distant music which she heard. None of us could
perceive it, and we fully believed that her imagination had produced this
result. But she insisted upon it; telling us that the music was like that
of the Bohemian miners, who played nothing but polkas. I was determined to
ascertain the truth; and really found, that, in a public garden one and a
half miles from her house, such a troop had played all the afternoon. No
public music was permitted in the city, because the magistrate had
forbidden it on her account.
She never was a Spiritualist, though she frequently went into what is now
called a trance. She spoke, wrote, sang, and had presentiments of the
finest kind, in this condition,--far better than I have ever seen here in
America in the case of the most celebrated mediums.
She even prescribed for herself with success, yet was not a Spiritualist.
She was a somnambulist; and, though weak enough when awake, threatened
several times to pull the house down, by her violence in this condition.
She had strength like a lion, and no man could manage her. I saw the same
thing in the hospital later. This aunt is now healthy; not cured by her
own prescriptions or the magnetic or infinitesimal doses of Dr. Arthur
Lutze, but by a strong emotion which took possession of her at the time of
my great-aunt's death. She is not sorry that she has lost all these
strange powers, but heartily glad of it. When she afterwards visited us in
Berlin, she could speak calmly and quietly of the perversion to which the
nervous system may become subject, if managed wrongly; and could not tell
how glad she was to be rid of all the emotions and notions she had been
compelled to dream out. Over-care and over-anxiety had brought this about;
and the same causes could again bring on a condition which the ancients
deemed holy, and which the psychologist treats as one bordering on
insanity.
The old aunt was extremely suspicious and avaricious. Eight weeks after my
arrival, she submitted to an operation. The operating surgeon found me so
good an assistant, that he intrusted me often with the succeeding dressing
of the wound. For six weeks, I was the sole nurse of the two; going from
one room to the other both night and day, and attending to the household
matters beside, with no other assistant than a woman who came every
morning for an hour or two to do the rough work; while an uncle and a
boy-cousin were continually troubling me with their torn buttons, &c.
I learned in this time to be cheerful and light-hearted in all
circumstances; going often into the anteroom to have a healthy, hearty
laugh. My surroundings were certainly any thing but inspiring. I had the
sole responsibility of the two sick women; the one annoying me with her
caprices, the other with her avarice. In one room, I heard fanciful
forebodings; in the other, reproaches for having used a teaspoonful too
much sugar. I always had to carry the key of the storeroom to the old
aunt, in order that she might be sure that I could not go in and eat bread
when I chose. At the end of six weeks, she died; and I put on mourning for
the only time in my life, certainly not through grief.
Shortly after the death of my aunt, the attending physician introduced me
to a disciple of Hahnemann by the name of Arthur Lutze; who was, I think,
a doctor of philosophy,--certainly not of medicine. Besides being an
infinitesimal homeopathist this man was a devotee to mesmerism. He became
very friendly towards me, and supplied me with books; telling me that I
would not only make a good homeopathic physician, but also an excellent
medium for mesmerism, magnetism, &c. At all events, I was glad to get the
books, which I read industriously; while he constantly supplied me with
new ones, so that I had quite a library when he left the place, which he
did before my return. He, too, lived in Berlin, and inquired my residence;
promising to visit me there, and to teach me the art he practised.
I remained with my aunt until late in the spring; when my health failed,
and I returned home. I was very ill for a time with brain-fever; but at
last recovered, and set to work industriously to search for information in
respect to the human body. Dr. Lutze kept his word: he visited me at my
home, gave me more books, and directed my course of reading. But my
father, who had become reconciled to my inclination to assist my mother,
was opposed to homoeopathy, and especially opposed to Dr. Arthur Lutze. He
even threatened to turn him out of the house, if I permitted him to visit
me again; and burned all my books, except one that I snatched from the
flames.
From this time, I was resolved to learn all that I could about the human
system. I read all the books on the subject that I could get, and tried
besides to educate myself in other branches. My father was satisfied with
this disposition, and was glad to hear me propose to have a French teacher
in the house, both for my sake and for that of the other children. I
studied in good earnest by myself at the same time, going through the
usual discipline of German girls. I learned plain sewing, dress-making and
the management of the household; but was allowed to use my leisure time as
I pleased. When my sisters went skating, I remained at home to study; when
they went to balls and theatres, I was thought the proper person to stay
to watch the house. Having become so much older, I was now of great
assistance to my mother in her business. No one complained any longer of
my ugliness or my rudeness. I was always busy; and, when at liberty,
always glad to do what I could for others; and, though these years were
full of hardships, I consider them among the happiest of my life. I was as
free as it was possible for any German girl to be.
My household duties, however, continued distasteful to me, much to the
annoyance of my father, who still contended that this was the only sphere
of woman. From being so much with my mother, I had lost all taste for
domestic life: any thing out of doors was preferable to the monotonous
routine of the household. I at length determined to follow my inclinations
by studying, in order to fit myself to become a practitioner of midwifery,
as is usual in Berlin. My father was satisfied, and pleased with this
idea, which opened the way to an independent respectable livelihood; for
he never really wished to have us seek this in marriage. My mother did not
like my resolution at all. She practised, not because she liked the
profession, but because in this way she obtained the means of being
independent and of aiding in the education of the children. I persisted,
however, in my resolution; and immediately took measures to carry it into
effect by going directly to Dr. Joseph Hermann Schmidt, the Professor of
Midwifery in the University and Schools for Midwives, and Director of the
Royal Hospital Charité; while my father, who for several years held the
position of a civil officer, made the application to the city magistrates
for me to be admitted as a pupil to the School for Midwives in which my
mother had been educated. In order to show the importance of this step, it
is necessary to explain more fully the history and organization of the
school.
About 1735, Justina Ditrichin (the wife of Siegemund, a distinguished
civil officer of Prussia) was afflicted with an internal disease which
baffled the skill of the midwives, who had pronounced her pregnant, and
none of whom could define her disorder. After many months of suffering,
she was visited by the wife of a poor soldier, who told her what ailed
her; in consequence of which, she was cured by her physicians. This
circumstance awakened in the mind of the lady an intense desire to study
midwifery; which she did, and afterwards practised it with such success,
that, in consequence of her extensive practice, she was obliged to confine
herself solely to irregular cases. She performed all kinds of operations
with masterly skill, and wrote the first book on the subject ever
published in Germany by a woman. She was sent for from all parts of
Germany, and was appointed body-physician of the Queen, and the ladies of
the court, of Prussia and Mark Brandenburg. Through her influence, schools
were established, in which women were instructed in the science and the
art of obstetrics. She also taught many herself; and a very successful and
respectable practice soon grew up among women. After her death, however,
this was discountenanced by the physicians, who brought it into such
disrepute by their ridicule, that the educated class of women withdrew
from the profession, leaving it in the hands of ignorant pretenders, who
continued to practise it until 1818; when public attention was called to
the subject, and strict laws were enacted, by which women were required to
call in a male practitioner in every irregular case of confinement, under
penalty of from one to twenty years of imprisonment, and the forfeiture of
the right to practise. These laws still continue in force; and a
remarkable case is recorded by Dr. Schmidt of a woman, who, feeling her
own competency to manage a case committed to her care, _did not_ send for
a male physician as the law required. Although it was fully proved that
she had done every thing that could have been done in the case, her
penalty was imprisonment for twenty years. Two other cases are quoted by
Dr. Schmidt, in which male practitioners were summoned before a legal
tribunal, and it was proved that they _had not_ done that which was
necessary; yet their penalty was no heavier than that inflicted on the
woman, who had done exactly what she ought.
At this time (1818), it was also made illegal for any woman to practise
who had not been educated. This brought the profession again into repute
among women of the higher classes. A school for midwives, supported by
the government, was established in Berlin, in which women have since
continued to be educated for practice in this city and in other parts of
Prussia. Two midwives are elected each year, by a committee, from the
applicants, to be educated for practice in Berlin; and, as they have to
study two years, there are always four of these students in the school,
two graduating every year. The remainder of the students are from the
provincial districts. To be admitted to this school is considered a stroke
of good fortune; as there are generally more than a hundred applicants,
many of whom have to wait eight or ten years before they are elected.
There is, besides, a great deal of favoritism; those women being generally
chosen who are the widows or wives of civil officers or physicians; to
whom this chance of earning a livelihood is given, in order that they may
not become a burden on the government. Though educated apart from the male
students while studying the theory of midwifery, they attend the
accouchement-ward together, and receive clinical or practical instruction
in the same class, from the same professor.
The male students of medicine are admitted to the university at the age of
eighteen; having first been required to go through a prescribed course of
collegiate study, and to pass the requisite examination. Here they attend
the lectures of various professors, often of four or five upon the same
subject, in order to learn how it is treated from different points of
view. Then, after having thus studied for a certain length of time, they
present themselves for an examination by the professors of the university,
which confers upon them the title of "M.D.," without the right to
practise. They are then obliged to prepare for what is called the State's
examination, before a Board of the most distinguished men in the
profession appointed to this place by the government: these also
constitute the medical court. Of this number, Dr. Schmidt was one.