_Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet the
Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your good
Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prostitutes her Chastity, to every
libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and Dishonouring
the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so much. And tho'
an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be believed; Yet if you will
but give your self the Trouble of following her _Incognito_ any Morning,
you may easily satisfy your self, whether the Account I have given you be
true or no: And the better to enable you to detect her in her Lewd
Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a little while, you may go in
after her; altho' without a Particular Recommendation, you will hardly be
admitted; and therefore if you please to ask for the Gentlewoman of the
House, and tell her you was directed thither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a
Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em;
and after that, you may proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of
the Truth of what I say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you
find it so, I am sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the
Office of,_
Your unknown Friend,
_A.B._
This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it only
into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read it, he
was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of Intelligence,
that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of opinion that it
was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in so Vertuous a
Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was reffer'd to so easie a
Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something more in it then so: Upon
which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till he had made a farther Trial.
And therefore that afternoon, pretends to have Receive'd a Letter obliging
him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning between Four and Five a Clock at
_Westminster_ to treat with him about a parcel of Goods which he was to go
and see, and should not be back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean
time get's him a very Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a
Friends House; ready to put on in the Morning when he came thither. The
next Morning rises very early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to
his Friends House, and accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had
so disguis'd him, that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself
'twas the same Man. In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Glass
of Purl at an Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his
Wife came out; who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Glass of
Purl, and follows her: And she going towards St. _Antholin's_ Church, he
began to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly
convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross over
the way to the Back-side of St. _Thomas Apostles_, and there go into a
House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an hour, and
then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in himself, and
ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old Bawd appearing,
Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? Yes, Sir, says she,
for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have with me? Why, Madam,
says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly Convenience, and I am inform'd
you can help me to one. At which the Bawd look'd a little strangely upon
him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I hope, you don't take me for a
Bawd; if you do, I assure you, you are come to the wrong House; And I'd
have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of Person. Madam, replyed he, if I
have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but I was directed hither by _Tom
Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the
Bawd heard him say so, she began to look more pleasingly upon him, and
desir'd him to walk up Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the
Dining-Room, where he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And
making Choice of that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the
Enjoyment of this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest?
Why truly, Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's
another Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I
wonder he isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't
recommend any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No,
Sir, says she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he,
you ought to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, _First
come, first serv'd_: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought
so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the
Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he
cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am now
come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which she
answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome to all
the Pleasure I can give you:--What must the Purchase be of so much
happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am no
Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one before-hand;
but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to whose Generosity
I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, (continued she) for I
am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, the Disguis'd Beau fell
to, _sans_ further Ceremony, And whilst they were a Dancing and Acting the
delights of _Venus_, the Bells of St. _Antholins_ Rung very sweetly, which
made her say, whilst she was thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, _O how
sweetiy St. _Antholin_'s Bells Ring_! Which she Repeated over as oft as
they renew'd their Pleasures.--As soon as they had finish'd their
Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, seem'd
well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew without
Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. _Ant'lin_'s Lecture being done,
according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd only been at her
Devotions.
When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, he
return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no Notice of
what had pass'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to Bed, he had a
mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage things at home
as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much more Dull, he told
her St. _Ant'lin_'s Bells didn't Ring half so sweetly then as as they did
i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long as here it is much cheaper, I
like it full as well: His Wife was so confounded at the Words, she knew not
what to say at first; nor cou'd she guess how he shou'd know that she had
spoke such Words in the Morning: At last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain
himself; and therefore ask'd him what he meant by those expressions--Nay,
what did you mean by 'em, says he, when you repeated them so often in the
Morning? How, says she, in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning?
Yes, Madam, says he somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the
Morning, when I lay with you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant,
in such a place, and gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you
then, said she, that was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. _Impudence_,
says he, that it was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning,
without blushing? To what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very
confidently? For if I do, you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why
you shou'd call me _Impudence_; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and
as for my being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about
one Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own
Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I should
be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own performances at
home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you don't, blame your
self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The contented Man hearing his
Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do better for the time to come;
and she on that condition promising him to go no more to St. _Antholin's_
to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, they forgave one another, and were both
Freinds.
_Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,_
_And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:_
_And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high_
_Their lusts are more than they can satisfie._
* * * * *