Well, Mrs. Garrett had called up to say that the feed before the game
would begin at seven bells; so I and the Missus figured on bein' on hand
at half past six, so as to get acquainted with some of our fellow club
members and know what to call 'em when we wanted the gravy passed or
somethin'. But I had trouble with my studs and it wasn't till pretty
near twenty minutes to seven that we rung the Garretts' bell. The hired
girl let us in and left us standin' in the hall w'ile she went to tell
Mrs. Garrett we was there. Pretty soon the girl come back and says she
would take our wraps and that Mrs. Garrett would be with us in a few
minutes. So we was showed into the livin'-room.
The apartment was on the second floor and looked about twice as big as
our'n.
"What do you suppose this costs 'em?" ast the Missus.
"About fifty-five a month," I says.
"You're crazy!" says she. "They got this big livin'-room and two big
bedrooms, and a maid's room and a sun parlor, besides their dinin'-room
and kitchen and bath. They're lucky if they ain't stuck for seventy."
"I'll bet you!" I says. "I'll bet you it's nearer fifty-five than
seventy."
"How much'll you bet?" she says.
"Anything you say," says I.
"Well," she says, "I've got a cinch, and I need a pair o' black silk
stockin's. My others has begun to run."
"All right," I says. "A pair o' black silk stockin's to fifty cents
cash."
"You're on," she says. "And I'll call up the agent to-morrow and find
out."
Well, it must of been pretty near seven o'clock when Mrs. Garrett
finally showed up.
"Good evenin'," she says. "I suppose this must be our new members. I'm
awfully glad you could come and I'm sorry I wasn't quite ready."
"That's all right," I says. "I'm glad to know they's others has trouble
gettin' into their evenin' clo'es. I suppose people that does it often
enough finally get to be experts."
"I didn't have no trouble," says Mrs. Garrett; "only I didn't expect
nobody till seven o'clock. You must of misunderstood me and thought I
said half past six."
Then Mr. Garrett come in and shook hands with us, and then the rest o'
the folks begun to arrive and we was introduced to them all. I didn't
catch all their names, only Mr. and Mrs. Messenger and Mr. and Mrs.
Collins and a Mr. and Mrs. Sparks. Mrs. Garrett says dinner was ready
and I was glad to hear it.
They set me down between Mrs. Messenger and a lady that I didn't get her
name.
"Well," I says to Mrs. Messenger, "now we know you personally, we can
pay the rent direct without botherin' to go to the real-estate office."
"I'm afraid that wouldn't do," she says. "Our agent's entitled to his
commissions. And besides, I wouldn't know how much to take or nothin'
about it."
"We pay thirty-five," I says, "and that's all as you could ast for,
seein' we only got the four rooms and no sun parlor. Thirty-two and a
half would be about the right price."
"You'll have to argue that out with the agent," she says.
I was kind of expectin' a cocktail; but nothin' doin'. The hired girl
brought in some half sandwiches, made o' toast, with somethin' on 'em
that looked like BB shot and tasted like New Year's mornin'.
"Don't we get no liquid refreshments?" I ast Mrs. Messenger.
"No, indeed," she says. "The San Susie's a dry club."
"You should ought to call it the San Sousy, then," says I.
The Missus was settin' next to Mr. Garrett and I could hear 'em talkin'
about what a nice neighborhood it was and how they liked their flats. I
thought I and the Missus might as well settle our bet then and there, so
I spoke to Mr. Garrett acrost the table.
"Mr. Garrett," I says, "w'ile we was waitin' for you and your wife to
get dressed, I and the Missus made a little bet, a pair o' silk stockin'
against half a buck. I got to pay out two dollars here for the prize and
the Missus claims her other stockin's has begun to run; so you might say
we're both a little anxious."
"Is it somethin' I can settle?" he ast.
"Yes, sir," I says, "because we was bettin' on the rent you paid for
this apartment. The Missus says seventy a month and I says fifty-five."
"I never decide against a lady," he says. "You better buy the stockin's
before the others run so far that they can't find their way home."
"If I lose, I lose," says I. "But if you're stuck sixty-five or better,
the Missus must of steered me wrong about the number o' rooms you got.
I'll pay, though, because I don't never welsh on a bet. So this party's
really costin' me two and a half instead o' two."
"Maybe you'll win the prize," says Mr. Garrett.
"They ain't much chance," I says. "I ain't played this game for a long
w'ile."
"Why, your wife was just tellin' me you played last night," he says.
"I mean," says I, "that I didn't play for a long w'ile before last
night; not for thirty-six years," I says.
Well, when everybody'd got through chokin' down the shot, they brought
in some drowned toadstools, and then some little slices o' beef about
the size of a checker, and seven Saratoga chips apiece, and half a dozen
string beans. Those that was still able to set up under this load
finished up on sliced tomatoes that was caught too young and a nickel's
worth of ice-cream and an eyedropper full o' coffee.
"Before I forget it," says Mrs. Collins, w'ile we was staggerin' out o'
the dinin'-room, "you're all comin' to my house next Tuesday night."