'There's something, father, dear, that I must speak to you about....
Mother thinks I ought to marry Lord Chiselhurst, that I ought to make
up to him and catch him if I can. She says that he likes very young
girls, and that she could see that he liked me. But, father, I cannot
marry him. He is--no, I cannot marry him. I do not like him, I'm only
sixteen, and he's forty or fifty. But that isn't the reason, at least
not the only reason. I don't want to marry any one, and mother doesn't
seem to understand that. She said if that were so, she really didn't
see why I left the convent.'
She was too intent on what she was saying to notice the light which
flashed in the Major's eyes.
'I said, "Mother, I never wanted to leave the convent, it was you who
wanted me home." "No," she said, "it was not I, it was your father.
But now that you are here I should like you to make a good marriage."
Then she turned and kissed me.... I don't want to say anything against
mother; she loves me, I'm sure: but we're so different, I shall never
understand mother, I shall never get on in society. I cannot, father,
dear, I cannot, I feel so far away; I do not know what to say to the
people I meet. I do not feel that I understand them when they speak to
me; I am far away, that is what I feel; I shall never get over that
feeling; I shall not succeed, and then mother will get to hate me....
I am so unhappy, father, I'm so unhappy.'
Agnes dropped on her knees, and throwing her arms on her father's
shoulder, she said:
'But, father, you're not listening. Listen to me, I've only you.'
'I'm thinking.'
'Of what?'
'Of many things.'
'Poor father, you have a great deal to think of, and I come
interrupting your work. How selfish I am.'
'No, dear, you're not selfish.... I'm very glad you told me. So you
think you'll never get on in society.'
'I don't think I'm suited for society.'
'I'm afraid you think that all society is like our drawing-room?'
'How was it, father, that our drawing-room came to be what it is?'
'A great deal of it is my fault, dear. When I lost my money I got
disheartened, and little by little I lost control. One day I was told
that as I paid for nothing I had no right to grumble. Your mother
said, in reply to some question about me, that I was "merely an
expense." I believe the phrase was considered very clever, it went the
round of society, and eventually was put into a play. And that is why
I told you that money is everything, that it is difficult to be
truthful, honourable, or respectable if you have no money, a little
will do, but you must have a little, if you haven't you aren't
respectable, you're nothing, you become like me, a mere expense....
I've borne it for your sake, dearest.'
'For my sake, father, what do you mean?'
'Never mind, best not to ask.... My dearest daughter, I would bear it
all over again for your sake. But it is maddening work, it goes to the
head at last. It makes one feel as if something was giving way there,'
he said, touching his forehead, 'it does indeed.'
'But, father, you mustn't bear this any longer, not for my sake,
father, no, not for my sake; you must find some way out of it.'
'I have found a way out of it. It took me a long while, but I have
found the way--there it is,' he said, pointing to the type-writing
machine. 'They don't suspect anything, not they, the fools; they don't
know what is hanging over their heads. I'll tell you, Agnes, but you
must not breathe a word of it to any one, if you did, they would take
the machine from me: for they'd like me to remain a mere expense. As
long as I'm that, they can do what they like, but as soon as I gain an
independence, as soon as I am able to pay for my meals,' he whispered,
'I mean to put my house in order But you mustn't breathe a word.'
'I'll never do anything, father, you ask me not to do.'
'I shall be able to sweep out all those you don't like. There are too
many men hanging about here?'
'Tell me, father, do you like Lord Chadwick?' The Major's face changed
expression. 'Have I said anything to wound you?' she said, pressing
his hand.
'No, dear. You asked me if I liked Lord Chadwick. I was thinking.
Somehow it seems to me that I rather like him, though I have no reason
to do so. He thinks me crazy, but so do others; I know that my
conversation bores him, he always tries to get away from me, yet
somehow it seems to me that I do like him.'
'Is he a fast man, father, is he like Lord Chiselhurst?'
'He is much the same as the other men that come here. I don't think
he's a bad man--no worse than other men. Is he kind to you, dear; tell
me that; do you like him?'
'Yes, father; he and Mr. St. Clare are the men I like best here. But
why is he here so much, father, he's no relation.'
'He has dined and lunched here every day for the last ten years. He's
been an expense too.'
'Mother said he is so poor that she has often to lend him money.'
'He should have spent some of the money she lent him, on a type-
writing machine, and striven as I do to make an independence. When
I've got together a little independence, when I can pay for my meals
and my clothes, you shall see; none that you dislike shall ever come
here, dearest. I'll put my house in order.'
'But that will take a long time, father; in the meantime----'
'What, dear?'
'Mother will want me to marry.'
'They shall not force you to marry, they shall not ask you to do
anything you do not like. Lord Chiselhurst ought to be ashamed, a man
of his age to want to marry a young girl like you. I will go and tell
him so.'
The Major stood up, he was pale, and Agnes noticed that his lips
trembled.
'No, father,' she said, 'do not go to him; I do not know that he wants
to marry me; it is only mother's idea, she may be mistaken.'
'You shall not be persecuted by his attentions.'
'Lord Chiselhurst is a gentleman, father. Whatever his faults may be,
I feel sure when he sees that I do not want him, that he will cease to
think of me... Lord Chiselhurst is not the worst.'
'Who, then, is the worst? Who is it that you wish me to rid you of?'
'I don't wish you to be violent, father, but you might hint to Mr.
Moulton that I do not wish----'
'That man--he, too, is merely an expense.'
'I am sure, father, that it is not right of him to put his arms round
me--he tried to kiss me. I was alone in the drawing-room. And he
speaks in a way that I do not like--I don't know.... I don't like him;
he frightens me.'
'Frightens you! That fellow--that fellow!'
'Yes; he asks me questions.'
'He never shall do so again. Is he in the drawing-room?'
'Yes; but, father, you cannot speak to him now, there are people in
the drawing-room.'
'I don't care who's there.'
'No, father, no; I beg of you. Mother will never forgive me....
Father, you mustn't make a scene. Father, you cannot go to the
drawing-room in those clothes,' and in desperate resolve, Agnes threw
herself between the Major and the door, pressing him back with both
hands.
'They think me a sheep, I have been a sheep too long, but they shall
see that even the sheep will turn to save its lamb from the butcher.
I'll go to them, yes, and in these clothes--Agnes, let me go.'
'I want you to speak to Mr. Moulton.... But not now, this is not the
time.'
He tried to push past her, but she resisted him, and sat down in front
of his type-writing machine, pale and exhausted, the sweat pearling
his bald forehead.
She tried to calm him and to induce him to understand the scandal he
would make if he were to go down to the drawing-room, dressed as he
was. But her words did not seem to reach the Major's brain. He only
muttered that the time had come to put his house in order. Agnes
answered, 'Father, for my sake ... not now.' But he must obey the idea
which pierced his brain, and before she could prevent him he slipped
past her and opened the door.
'Oh, father, don't, for my sake, please.'
His lips moved but he did not speak.
'I will not make a scene,' he said at last.
'Father!'
'I will not make a scene, but I must do something.... I promise you
that I will not make a scene, but I must go down to the drawing-room
in these clothes. In these clothes,' he repeated. There was something
in his look which conveyed a sense of the inevitable, and Agnes
watched him descend the stairs. She followed slowly, catching at the
banisters leaning against the wall. She noticed that his step was
heavy and irresolute and hoped he would refrain. But he went on, step
after step.